Just 48 Hours Ago

I am so silly. I started a photo bucket slide show two weeks ago for the blog. Got picture in and was hoping to have it up by the weekend before Christmas and what do you know, I forgot my login and password. I didn't write it down and haven't been able to get into the account. Then we went home for Christmas and now we are in the throws of Onething with 12 people in our basement and I have hardly seen Steven in the last 48 hours. All that to say, I am trying. Just think there will be more pictures in the slide show now.

While you are waiting I thought I would entertain you with some of our holiday home coming folly. We returned home on the 26th due to that fact that Steven is one of the stage managers for Onething and had to start work on the 27th. We arrived in KC about midnight or 1am. unloaded as much as we could and crawled into bed. Around 4am we awoke to the dog restless, Shiloh moving around and no electricity. Yup, it was freezing and really dark. That morning Steven left for his set in the Prayer Room and then on to Bartel Hall, down town KC to work. I got up and looked outside the window to see a scene from a war flick. There were trees down in the streets and in our backyard was colossal damage. Lightning struck our neighbors tree causing it to fall in our other neighbors yard, missing their house by a few feet. This caused the light pole to snap and then the light pole that is right behind our house, loosed by the tension of the tree falling on the previous pole, was leaning up against our fence and electric wires were everywhere in our yard. The entire block that I live on was without power, which meant most of us were without heat. Steven had reported the power outage earlier so I thought that by the end of the day we'd have heat. Not so. Around 1:45pm that afternoon the temp. in my house began to fall and I started to look for a place to go with Shiloh. My friend and neighbor a couple blocks over offered her home to us and so at 3pm on the 27th, with our house now at 59 degrees we moved into her house for how ever long. It was fun minus the fact that we had just got home from visiting and were in need of our own space but I was happy to be warm and with lights.

The next day my back yard was buzzing with a military of electric company men, tree cutters, and cable guys. It was a sight to see. I came home to check the status and begin my preparations for the 12 people that were to come to stay with us that night. I asked a worker if the power would be on that day and he said he hoped so. What! You better hope so buddy. (I didn't say that out loud just FYI) I dawned my headlamp and candles to make the preparations to the guest areas down stairs and to my shock and horror another surprise laid waiting for me. Due to the large amounts of rain and snow that we'd had over the last week or so, and not much sunny weather, the ground around our home decided it couldn't contain any more water. So it shared some with my basement. That is right. Not only was the electric out and we are not sure whether it would return in time, I now have the little Nile in my basement. It was a mess because we had moved an extra mattress onto the floor, which acted like a large kitchen sponge and soaked up water. It was a lesson in patience and finding joy in trials. So my friend and I cleaned up the water, moved the mattress outside to dry off and headed to wal-mart for some chocolate.
(I forgot to mention that on the night of the 27th, as I was pouring myself a cup of tea, I missed the cup and poured boiling hot water on my hand. It really, really hurt. I spent that night sleeping with my hand in a bowl of ice water. Not fun!) Anyways.
I decided to finish getting ready for guest in faith that the lights would flicker on as I was working. At 6pm on the 28th, with no lights, I found my way over to my friends to start making other arrangements for my 12 guest to stay with other people. No small task.
My friend decided that we should get dressed up and go to the Onething conference and figure it out later. So we cleaned up and in an effort to forget all the days troubles we walked out in style. I wanted to swing by my house one last time to see if the lights were on. We turned the corner to my street and I saw my porch light on over the hedges. I was never so relieved. We headed to the conference and afterwards I welcomed my friends into my home, very warm and fully lite up. That night I slept very, very soundly.
That is a narrative of my 48 hour dilemma that was a test of patience and humility. Oh and my hand is fine. I soaked it in ice water all night and in the morning no blisters.

A Message To All Our Readers

Slide Show To Come

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am learning and working on a slide show of pictures for the blog. I am a little computer/Internet challenged so it takes me a while. I hope to have it up by the weekend. Cross your fingers!

Life Goes On In The Midst of Pain

I was in contemplative prayer the other day looking at Luke 18 and the woman with the issue of blood. I love comtemplative prayer because you are there and Jesus gives you a 360 view point. Well for me, that is how it is. I end up in these vivid pictures, like movies in my spirit. I love it. I never would have thought that I would sit still enough to contemplate anything, but I have managed so I know there is hope for everyone.

Anyways...

A new truth struck my heart. I love this story because I can relate but also because Jesus is doing something that marvels me. 43 Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, 44 came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. 45 And Jesus said, “Who touched Me?” When all denied it, Peter and those with him[f] said, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’”[g]46 But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” 47 Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately. 48 And He said to her, “Daughter, be of good cheer;[h] your faith has made you well. Go in peace.”

The woman was desperate, needing something that no one could give her but God. She was willing to risk stoning and public humiliation to get healing. She risked everything just to touch the hem of Jesus' garment. Then Jesus does something that I never thought of twice till the other day. V.45 Jesus asked "Who touched me?" What??? Is Jesus having a duh moment and really isn't aware of the universe around him? The one in whom all things exist isn't sure who touched him. The one that knows every hair on my head can't pick out a face in a crowd? This always puzzled me till last Wednesday. No, no...Jesus knew the woman in the most intimate way, through the sharing of suffering and the vehement hatred of the injustice that sickness is. He knew her as she cried on her bedroom floor from pain and he knew her when she risked everything to touch his garment. Why then did he ask? Because He wanted her to do two things. 1) to step forward and claim her healing publicly. There were several people that Jesus healed that he told not to tell anyone. Not this woman, he called her out in the midst of a huge crowd and let her tell the whole world what happened when she touched him. 2) He wanted to bless her. Jesus wanted to see her eyes meet His so that he could tell her face to face to go in peace. Here is a woman that had suffered for years and had spent all that she had for peace. Nothing and no one could give it to her. Then in a moment everything that was wrong in her body was made right. Peace was given by the one who is named the Prince of Peace. Jesus wanted to look her in the eyes and the sentence her heart heard was, "It is finished". A sentence that He would declare on the cross as His blood was poured out as an offering.

This hit me like a warm breeze on a spring day as I realized that it wasn't just personal for this woman, but Jesus was saying "It is personal to me to." It touched my heart in a new way as I cry out for healing. My, as a woman with an "issue of blood" I have a hope in the Word. It is personal to Jesus. He came and went to the cross because it was personal for Him. Thank you Jesus that you feel those weak prayers, those desperate reaches to touch the hem of your garment.

Shiloh Is Turning 3!

3months that is. Officially she will be another month sweeter on December 11Th. I cannot even believe that I have a daughter first and that she is 3 months old. I have had the privilege to be her mother for three months. The other day as I was putting her to sleep I almost couldn't put her down. I was enthralled with her sweetness, her perfection, and with the daunting task of raising her without screwing her up. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to mess it up a few times. I am praying for wisdom and revelation so that it is only a few and not a lot, but I am going to mess up. My prayer is that I will not mess up on the really big things and I will teach her enough of God that when I do mess up she will turn to Him for comfort.

I am so blessed and overwhelmed to have Shiloh. I had a word before we got her in regards to her name. The Lord gave us her name and the word was that she will be peaceful and give me peace. As one who thought that I would never have a child and that I would only hold other peoples babies in the prayer room, I feel a real peace in my heart. Not that I am all healed and Shiloh has given me a reason to live. She has given me a new perspective on life and I feel that a part of my heart has been healed. But there in a longing in every woman that God designed, and that is the Hannah cry. Not everyone goes on the same journey as Hannah, but there is that cry in women for our Samuel. We as women have a reservoir in our souls and our gift is to pour it out on our children. Not everyone wants that gift and not everyone has the opportunity but none the less it is there. I have been praying the apostolic prayers lately for myself in a new way." Lord let me be rooted and grounded in your love so that I can love Shiloh like you love me. Lord give me wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of your Son, so that I can raise my daughter to love you in the midst of the growing seduction of the harlot church. Lord let your word run swiftly into my heart, like and arrow pierce me, so that I will have something of value to give to Shiloh and not mere sentiment."
So in light of that I am in process of making myself a little prayer cave. I am making a little space to study, and to dig in at my house. I know that it must take place in all the rooms of my house, but I need a place designated "House of Prayer in the House" or I will mutter through my days and at 11pm as I feed Shiloh I will realize that I may not have talked to my maker that day. That will just not do.
A sweet thing happened that is unrelated to the above, but I thought that I would share it.
I was in Wal-Mart this last week and a friend came up and asked whose baby was I holding in the prayer room. Now this friend has been in CA for three months, so she totally missed Shiloh's arrival. So as a proud mommy I said "that is my baby, Shiloh Abigail". She looked and me and I thought that she was going to cry. She told me that made her heart glad and that Shiloh was beautiful. I was fueled inside by that encounter and sobered. She is my daughter, my little person in life to raise, care for, and to train in the was of God. It is daunting and wonderful all at the same time.

Feeling Intimacy in Weakness

In my time in the prayer room if there is one thing that I have learned it is that you can have a sense of being with God without really being with God. what do I mean? We can be in the church building, the prayer room and sing the songs without engaging our hearts. We can read the word and journal our thoughts and not lock in on the holy spirit within. We can even pray in tongues and be thinking about what we are going to get at WalMart. Now that I am in my home more that anywhere else I am learning that if the former is the case then the opposite is true as well. We can be scrubbing the bath tub, washing the laundry, and changing a dirty diaper and be connected to God. We can be shopping and praying in the spirit with real inspiration in our soul. It isn't the place it is the person. It isn't the song, it is the adoration.

Some days I look at my life and feel overwhelmed and close to tears. I, like Paul, was a chief among sinners. Saved through a holy encounter and set on a course. Unlike Paul I have not written great works that inspire generations, but I feel that I have written and said things that have touched the heart of God none the less. Our journals are places that we lay our soul bare. Places where like David we give God a piece of our minds, yet always coming back to the truth that "though you slay me, yet I will praise". Some days I have a Malachi cry..."I have loved you,” says the LORD. “ Yet you say, ‘In what way have You loved us?’ I feel like the world is crashing in and I am lost. I cannot feel His nearness and I cannot seem to get up and try. Today was one of those days as I struggled physically and was sorrowful in my heart that holding Shiloh was physically hurting. How could I explain to this perfect little angel that mommy cannot even stand because the pain is too great. "How have you loved me when I am still like this Lord?" But I know the truth and my heart goes back to its reality. He has loved me through the pain and in the pain I join Him in suffering to see the other side, which is Is 53 manifest in my frame.

I often scold myself for my lack of diligence and effort in maintaining the same determination that I showed in my times with the Lord before I had a child. The verse..‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’says the LORD. " will resound in my mind and I will fault myself and brand my inner man as lazy. Beating myself up for not maintaining a season that is past and not finding that same drive in its manifestation in this new season is a lost cause in my book. I am who I am in this time and I am what He says that I am. He is always the same no matter where I am. For me the tiny little kisses and the small meditations feel like tidal waves that wash over me. Today as Shiloh was drifting into her nap I recited who Jesus was. How he came ,loved us, and died. How he was resurrected and would come again. Oh how he loved us. I found myself looking into her peaceful sleeping face and realized that I was talking to God more than to her. Reciting the beauty of Jesus and my heart swelled.
It is His name and the complex simplicity of His love that woos me. Though it is a conflict of words it is truth. His love is so simple yet the depth and process of manifesting it is complicated. He being in fullness and glory came and entered into our frame and our fellowship forever. WHAT!!! He served the lowly and fed the poor. He suffered more that any and was hung on a cursed tree. After three days he in full resurrection walked among us for 40 days and once again ascended to travail till His final return. It is complex and simple.
Here are two verses that stir me and I am trying to find them in the everyday things that I do.
Blessings
Song of Solomon 1:3
3 Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your name is ointment poured forth; Therefore the virgins love you.
John 12:3
3 Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil.

Just a Few Wishes for 2009

Steven and I are approaching our 6th year here in KC as intercessory missionaries. It has been a whirlwind and a blessed time of our lives. We are here and also going out ministering to those the Lord gives us. We live simply in all aspects and love it. God has truly blessed us and we are thankful. I thought that I would list few things that I wish for. Some are needs and some are wants and if you would like to contribute just let me know. I would be truly blessed.

$$$ for a new roof. Ours is barely making it and in the spring will need to be replaced. We have a friend that is going to help us do it, now we just need the cash to pay for the supplies.

A home for my German Shepherd Dakota. She is a wonderful dog and very loving, but we are just not able to care for her like we would like. She can jump our fence and will if we leave her unattended in the backyard. We let her in the house but it isn't always the best. So she often spends time in the garage which I hate. So we are seeking a loving family for her w/o small children and a high fence.

$$$ for some car repairs. We need struts on the car and the drivers side door handle fixed. The spring on the handle broke and I have to roll the window down to open the door. That will not be so great when it is snowing or raining.

Cabinets for our island in the kitchen. Our kitchen remodeling project has been put on hold as the money that was allotted for it went to the adoption. Now we don't have an oven or cook top because we haven't been able to get an island. We have a hot plate in the kitchen and a little oven downstairs. It is crazy I know. Trust me had we seen the present in the past we would have planned better.

Monthly supporters. I would love to be able to focus more on the house of prayer and cut back on my hours. I miss being home in the evenings and now I feel like I am missing so much with Shiloh and Steven. I love my job and it is a blessing, however I know that I am called to something else.

That is my wish list. I am blessed and grateful and if I never receive any of these things I will still praise the God who gives me life and loves me. He always provides for us in the greatest ways. We are not lacking in Him.

One Down, One To Go

I am not usually a huge holiday lover. This might be to the fact that I didn't grow up with a large family or holiday traditions. I have one brother and Steven's family is a little on the non-traditional side. So as we traveled to Arkansas for Thanksgiving this year I wasn't even thinking about the fact that this is my daughters first thanksgiving. I did bring a camera, yet sadly I took not one picture. At Steven's house we got there about an hour before we ate lunch. I was sad that there was no dressing, cranberry sauce, or marshmallows on the sweet potatoes. We talked about random topics and of course "Black Friday". After about three hours of our time there Steven's older brother and our sister-in-law left, Steven's mother went to a dance camp in TX. and his youngest brother went to hang out with friends. I felt a little sad, yet overwhelmed that my baby didn't want to sleep and was now a very cranky baby. So we just hung out that night with Steven's dad and went on to bed. The next day I ate breakfast with two great friends and was able to show Shiloh off a little. Afterwards we headed to our dear friends house to intro. Shiloh to my three god-children. Then we went back to Steven's home and packed to go to my family's house. We arrived and unloaded the massive cargo that it takes to sustain two adults, a baby (that was a lot), and oh yeah our huge German Shepherd. We we still full from munching on left overs so we ate a little turkey stuff around the TV. I am not a huge TV watcher, however my parents are, so that is what we do with them. The next day Steven and my dad cut down a huge tree and my mom and I went shopping. Later that night we were off to see friends of old and to show off our beautiful little angel. Sunday I went to the early service with my mom so that she could introduce Shiloh to her friends and then to eat at Cracker Barrel. Once we were stuffed with home cooking good we headed up hwy 71 to Kansas City once again. We hit some nasty weather on the way , so man was I glad to be home.

I was blessed to be home and to see family and friends, yet I felt a little lacking. I was reading blogs about peoples wonderful holidays and wished that had been me. I wanted to have a tradition and a huge meal, and a family time that left me feeling warm and thankful. Now that I have a daughter I wanted to cook, to prepare, and to host friends and family. I want to be home to eat and mingle with friends and their children. So Steven and I decided that we are going to start our own family traditions at Thanksgiving. We will invite family and friends and have a wonderful time of making memories and fun. For Christmas I don't do a tree but we are going to go and cut fresh greenery and decorate the house with stars , candles, and angels. We will make cookies and invite friends to decorate them and them give them away.
I am thankful that I will be making memories with my daughter for years to come and that my family is blessed of the Lord.

Hard Messages That Must Be Preached

This Sunday Lou Engle preached a message that frankly left me shaking in my boots. The morning for our household was a hectic one trying to get my parents, my husband, and my baby out the door and on time for the baby dedication was enough to make me pull out my hair. My mother, God bless her, made this adorable little vintage dress for Shiloh to wear for the dedication, but it wasn't quite finished till about 10:30am on Sunday. That was the time that we were supposed to be at church. If you are not from the south you wouldn't understand the "making a dress" thing but it is an important thing. However I would have been willing to forgo the tradition to get to church more than 30 seconds before they announced for the parents to bring their babies up. I dropped our stuff at the back of the sanctuary and handed Steven Shiloh and we booked it up there. We were not in the best spirits at that point and I hope that it didn't show for the entire congregation. Anyways... it was lovely and Mike came over to pray over Shiloh as well as my dear friend Jess Wilson. (She is my hero but that is for another post)

So after the chaos began to settle I started to focus on Lou and his message immediately began to pierce my heart. Lou isn't a hater of any kind, on the contrary he is a man of principal and of the word who is unwilling to compromise with darkness even for the sake of political correctness. So as he was talking about the seriousness of the situation in our nation I gulped. Our nation on November 4th cried out with a loud voice like the Israelites of old....Give us a king of our own choosing. We have a president that is fiercely pro-choice and who will in a matter of years undo so much of what the founding fathers and church has fought to protect. The unborn will be exploited, the children indoctrinated, and the homosexual's will rage like the fires in California if the church does not rise up. We must awaken the sleeping beauty of America. The Bride of Christ must clean herself and pray. Lou's frustration and soul agony isn't with President Elect Obama, neither should ours, it is with the laziness of a church who would rather see "change" than righteousness.
Lou showed a video of some IHOPer's who were being openly persecuted in the Castro District in CA. It was horrifying, something you would expect to see in Africa or in the Middle East from terrorist. This wasn't a foreign outcry of injustice, this was demonic rage coming from the homosexual community in the light of Proposition 8 passing that defines marriage between a man and a women only. I do not hate or despise the men and women that are lost and deceived in homosexuality, but there is a demonic attachment to such immortality and given over to it a person is not themselves and the demon rages at whoever would challenge its stronghold. It was frightening and worrisome that the Governor of CA was allowing this to go on all across the state. Riots, protest marches and violence against the "christian haters" as the media put it. The most alarming part to me was not that it happened or that it would soon make its way across America, but that my heart responded in a way that I am ashamed. I thought to myself as I watched the video that "they shouldn't have been in that district after the election. Didn't they know that was going to happen." WHAT!!!! I caught myself and immediately remembered a Man who came from Glory and walked among the filthiest of us all including me and yet He opened not His mouth as the sinners He came to save crucified Him. As believers it isn't for us to protect our life even unto death...no, it is to love to the end. The martyrs of old knew that when they signed up to follow this Christ that they also signed their death decree. It is the same today and will be till the day that Jesus stands in Jerusalem as KING over all.
As Lou continued to talk about how their is no peace in the land as long as unrighteous decrees are going forth. How when Jezebel is in power the prophets must take their stand and declare the word of the Lord. He talked about adoptions, about fasting and prayer. I found myself standing at the end with my hands open waiting to receive from the Lord a fire in my heart to stand and to proclaim His word. At that moment I felt the stillness of the Spirit on me and my heart was tenderized. I told the Lord "If I never bare a child from my womb, I would be OK... but God fund my house to be a house of refuge for the "unwanted" and the oppressed." To my heart then and now it makes since. I do not believe that God has made me to have illness in my body and I will contend for healing till Jesus returns or until I die which ever comes first. I will see Is. 53 manifest in my body. But there are little ones in and out of the womb that have no one and unless the church steps in and provides a refuge for them, they will be fed to the wolves of society and brainwashed with wicked ideals until their little hearts are seared and dark. It isn't a matter of a nice thing to do, no we must as Christ servants, as ones who want to get lost in the beauty of His holiness, take these ones in. We must do this for our beautiful Jesus. We must give them safety from the storm and a safe place for them to lay their head so that Jesus can come and heal their wounded souls and restore them. This is our assignment, our calling, the fast that He has chosen for all who call Him Abba. Isaiah58:6-9 Is this not the fast that I have chosen:To loose the bonds of wickedness,To undo the heavy burdens,To let the oppressed go free,And that you break every yoke?7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;When you see the naked, that you cover him,and not hide yourself from your own flesh? 8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,Your healing shall spring forth speedily,And your righteousness shall go before you;The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
I am not one for conflict or taking a stand. I would rather hide and pray for God to break in. But there is a time for weeping and a time for rejoicing. I think that America and the church will have a time of weeping. I think that as America take a turn towards darkness (a turn that has been gradual but steady for years) that we are going to see more and more upheaval in the earth. This is the story line that is laid out in the word. This is the beginnings and the end is already written. This could be the greatest hour for the church or this could be the greatest time of judgement for us before the great falling away and the end of this age. It is a time for us to put on our robes of righteousness and leave behind the rags of political correctness or complacent surrender. I am not going to start yelling at people who voted for Obama even though they knew what he stood for. As much as it makes me question their Christianity that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about not agreeing with any form of wickedness. Anything that would promote the desensitization of abortion and homosexuality. Abortion is a brutal act of murder against an innocent life and homosexuality is a blatant slap in the face of God at the perfection to which He created a man and a woman. It goes against the prophetic symbolism of the Bride of Christ and Jesus at the end of the age and the wedding supper of the lamb. These are not just differences of opinion but demonic strongholds designed by Satan to draw men and women into his web of deception and ultimately into eternal damnation.
We have as believers surrendered to Jesus. In that surrender we gained every spiritual blessing and a seat in the heavenly places. We have gained fullness, wisdom, and revelation. We have acquired the peace and patience of Christ and we have been given citizenship into the household of God by the spirit of adoption bu which we cry Abba. But this all comes a price. Holiness, purity, and life unto death. Matthew 5:10 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. We are living in a time where who you are in secret will be discovered and how you love God will be challenged.
Lord let me be a light set upon a hill that cannot be hidden, even if it means that I only burn for a moment and then I am snuffed out. At least I burned bright when it was important.

Shiloh Turned 2 Months Old Today

Here is my veteran 2 month old daughter. We celebrated her 2mo. day at Chick Filet as she slept in her car seat, it was great. She has some pretty significant dates under her belt so far, with her birthday being September 11th and her 2 month birthday on the 11th of November marking Veteran's day. When people here that Shiloh's birthday is on 9/11 they either say "oh and emergency baby", or "Amos 9:11...Wow!" After looking up Amos 9:11I found that it states with great zeal about the rebuilding of the tabernacle of the Lord. I think that it is very significant and now Veteran's day marks the first 2 months of her life. What is the little girl going to grow up to be like? What will her prayer life be at 5, 6, 10, 15, and 20 years old? I think that we have a challenge ahead in raising a warrior who will have zeal in her heart to see night and day prayer and worship fill the earth.

Having said that here are just a few things about her that we have grown to love in the last two months.

~ She is mellow and very alert and observant.

~ She talks a lot...little coos and groans. If you have heard her it is fabulous. If not there is a video below.

~ She goes down at 11pm and wakes up at 6:45am to 7am. That is nice!~

~ Her little hiny is so adorable. Most of her pants don't fit her because her little waist and bottom are so small.

~ She is a little daddy's girl and has Steven wrapped around her finger. It is fascinating to see Steven as a dad. He is phenomenal.

~ When she wakes up from naps and such she is usually really happy and coos for you as you change her diaper. She has a sweet disposition.

~ She listens very intently as I read to her. We are developing her library.

~ She loves music and I have recently introduced her to Bing Crosby and Dean Martin. I think that she will thank me for it later.

I think you get the picture. She is adorable and life would be a miss without our precious gift. Shiloh is truly one sent into our lives. We pray daily that God would give us wisdom in how to love her and to raise her after His heart.

Thank you for your love and support.

Here is My Big Girl

Shiloh Is Almost Two Months Old

Well time is flying by and in the chaos of our nations newly elected government, financial crisis, and now winter is upon us, it would be easy to let precious moments in Shiloh's young life slip by. I cannot believe that in February we were all dressed up at our adoption fundraiser dinning and crying over our little one to come into our home. We received letters and donations from all over the place even out of country support. We were blessed beyond words and truly learned a huge lesson in God's economy of things. I loved getting emails or new blog comments about people reading about Shiloh (once we found out who she would be) thanking us for what we were doing and praying for our little one to be healthy and safe. Now as we are approaching her two month birthday I stand in awe of God's overwhelming love for both her and us. She is ours and we are hers and together we our HIS.

Today at IHOP as I was changing Shiloh's diaper I was reintroduced to one such fan and I was so blessed that after all her prayers and love she was getting to behold Shiloh in the flesh. Judy is a friends mother and has been with us from the beginning of our story. With love, prayers, and support she has watched our story unfold and today I felt proud and humbled to introduce her to my daughter, Shiloh Abigail Cooper.

I have learned so much from Shiloh of God's redemption, His mercy and love. He is so faithful and His faithfulness will be her comfort as she grows up. She wakes up so happy in the morning and I try to take the opportunity to read the scriptures to her while she is alert and listening. We read Esther this morning and as I was explaining it to Shiloh I said..." We are going to read a story about a beautiful young girl who was adopted and through love and intercession saved a nation." My heart quivered as Esther's story is Shiloh's in a way. She is very beautiful and through the love of God I pray that she will intercede for this nation and the nations of the earth to see God's glory cover the earth. Esther had to come to grips with her situation and put aside personal desires for the greater cause of her people. LIFE. They were scheduled to be murdered throughout the land. Through fasting, prayer, and intercession (going before the king) Esther saved her people. I pray that Shiloh will have that same anointing upon her life.

I promise updated pictures soon. We have many, I just don't get to sit down and type often lately. Thanks for you love and support!

Lord Have Mercy on Our Nation

Father of Glory, have mercy on our nation. Encounter our president and change his heart on issues that are near and dear to You. Break in to his mind and emotions. Let him feel what you feel about abortion, homosexuality... Let him not lead this nation into moral decay, but encounter him in your sovereign power and change the heart of this new king. We need You O God. Help us to pray for this man and not give up on Your love for him. O God have mercy on our nation. We know the end of the story and your coming will not come unless the great falling away takes place. God let that not be now. Come and have Your way in the church of America. Come expose darkness and bring truth and light. Let your church love the truth of who You really are. (2 Thess. 2) The times and seasons are in Your hands O God. Help us to trust you and know that You are the Ruler over all the earth. You raise up kings and tear them down. Help us God, help us. We take our stand before the courts of Heaven and we are crying out for a Damascus road experience for our president. Come Lord Jesus!

God Bless America

Did You Vote Yet?

Don't let the sun go down without your ballot in the box and your voice heard for those who have no voice. Vote your conscience on the issue of abortion, same sex marriage, and who you would want to appoint the next Supreme Court Justices. We will be judged on how we vote today.

My Stomach Is In Knots

Today I was in such a bad mood and I couldn't figure it out. My physical body is enough reason with it's constant reminder of illness to me. My dog was annoying me as I was trying to walk her and the baby in the stroller at the same time, and I started a new work schedule that causes me to have to work on Mondays which I don't like. But deep inside I knew that none of those was the cause of my bad mood. Then as I was listening to the prayer room on my computer at work I realized what it was. Today is Monday the 3rd of November. Tomorrow is Tuesday the 4th and the fate of our nation for the next four years, yea even longer will be decided. Now there are some who feel that the powers that be have already decided who the next president will be and our votes don't count. Then there are those who feel that if you don't vote you have helped throw in the towel on our nation. I am in the middle somewhere I think. I feel that there are forces and "others" moving pieces in our nation and the nations of the world like chess pieces for their own monetary gain. I also believe that the majority vote would sway those powers to keep their boat running smoothly. Ultimately I believe that we have a Holy God in total control and He will have His way. That no earthly rulers will overthrow His sovereign plan for our nation no matter the votes or the polls.
So why was my mood so distorted by all this then. As an intercessor I feel things in the spirit. I feel the state of our nation and the betrayal that is going on in secret and even out in the open. The betrayal is that of the bride of Christ siding with immorality and wickedness for their comfort and for their true god mammon. "Where your treasure is, their your heart is also.." Not that the whole church is persuaded by lawlessness, but there is a good number that are walking blindly and with numb seared hearts into the trap and eventually the great falling away. If we are being seduced by smooth talk and tax cuts that are supposedly going to put more money in our pockets, as if that is going to fill the God shaped whole in our hearts. The bride of Christ in this nation is exchanging robes of righteousness in for filthy garments to walk the streets like a harlot. Siding with a known felon of lawlessness for the sake of a few tax cuts and "change". Chanting a slogan that is as false as the promise it represents. "Yes we can!!!" You can what? Breathe without God's hand upon you? Make one hair on your head grey or white? Cause the stars to align perfectly to form constellations? What can "you" do that is not held together by Christ in His merciful power? NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN.....DO NOTHING APART FROM GOD. "What is man that He is mindful of him?" Oh church wake up from this nightmare of self absorbed idolatry. Where are you drinking from that you think that without God's great love you would not be wiped from the face of the earth like we deserve for our sinful ways and our stubborn hearts. Oh church He is your maker and your Husband. Return to the Lord your God, return.He is Love and is in love with us. His favor and blessing on us is proof of His desire to have a Bride.


It is not too late for our nation. It is not too late for our children. But we are on the brink of crossing the line that is drawn in the sand. That same line that Sodom crossed. As many Christians stand on the same hill of intercession as Abraham did asking God " If you find 50, 30, 10, 5 righteous" would you spare our nation? We are taking our stand before a holy court and asking for mercy.

Tomorrow you are not voting for a party, you are not voting for a candidate. You are not even voting for the "right choice". Tomorrow you are putting your response on paper to the question..."Choose this day whom you will serve." Not that either candidate is totally righteous or totally wicked. There is one coming that is Satan in the flesh and will deceive the nations with all lying signs and wonders. Many will believe the lie because the love of the truth is not in them
(2 Thess.2) I feel for our friends that are persuaded to think that the "change" that is being offered is real and sure. There is only One who can bring true Change and He is not running for president. He is King~

Here is the Real Issue of this years Elections

DUTCH SHEETS:"During This Election: THE STAKES COULDN'T BE HIGHER"October 27, 2008With the upcoming elections 8 days away, satan has worked hard to deflect attention off of the real issue. This has been relatively easy through the economic meltdown and an unpopular war. Many Americans, including Christians, will vote based on these two issues. While these things are obviously important, they pale in light of the real issue - the Supreme Court.The cover story of USA Today, on Thursday of last week, spelled this out quite clearly. It stated that the real legacy of the next president won't be the economy or the war, but the Supreme Court. The next president of the United States will appoint at least 2, and maybe 3, Justices in his first term. If he serves 2 terms, it could be 5 Justices - there are 5 of the 9 on the Court that are 70 years old or older!Since the trend is to appoint younger and younger Justices, the next president will most likely shape the court for the next 30-40 years! This means we are not voting only for a president, we are voting for the Court we want for the next generation! The vote we cast on November 4th will do more to shape the culture we give our children and grandchildren than any other vote of our lifetime!Perhaps some succinct bullet points will help us see this clearly:• Without question, no institution, organization, or agency has shaped the current culture of America in the last 50 years more than the Supreme Court. You don't need millions of people, the majority in Congress, or the president to shape the culture of America. You only need 5 people - the majority of the Supreme Court. Five people can kill 50 million babies (the number aborted since Roe vs. Wade), legalize homosexual marriage, remove parental rights, put God out of schools and government, rob from us our godly heritage, etc.• It is now split - sometimes 5-4 toward life, family, morality, our godly heritage, the intent of our forefathers when they wrote the Constitution; sometimes 5-4 toward death, immorality, legislating their beliefs from the bench, removing God from our nation, etc. (though not their constitutional role or right, this is easy - they simply say the Constitution is a fluid, living document and therefore must be changed to accommodate the times).• 2-3 Justices will retire over the next 4 years - their replacements chosen by the next president; possibly a couple more will step down 5 to 8 years from now, making it 5 potential Justices that could be appointed by the next president if he serves 2 terms. This will determine how the Court rules for a generation.• The first 2 Justices to go will almost certainly be Stevens who is 88 years old and Ginsburg who is 75 and ill. They are the 2 most liberal and are no doubt waiting to retire, hoping for a president that will replace them with 2 more liberals. These two replacements alone, if they are good, conservative judges could shift the Court toward righteousness for many years.• Conclusion: our vote this November 4th will be not for a president, not for the economy, not for ending our involvement in Iraq. Our vote will be for what we want America to look like 40 years from now!The ramifications of this are staggering! We are no doubt reaping great judgment now in America - diseases, family breakdowns, violence, a death culture, destructive weather, and much more - because of abortion alone - not to mention expelling God and His laws from our schools and government.I don't know that we can survive another 40 years of this without completely losing our godly heritage and destiny. The economy will recover and the war will end no matter who is elected president - but this is not the case with the Court and the soul of this nation.If you don't know where the candidates stand on the Court and the kind of Justices they would appoint, read the USA Today article. It makes their positions very clear.Share this information with every friend and acquaintance you have. And finally, pray like never before for God's will to be done in this election. We CAN win this war and we MUST NOT lose this war. Pick up your Word, go to war and let's make history together.Here are some practical suggestions to consider:1. Fast (a meal a day; a day this week; a Daniel fast; 3 days; TV; etc.) and spend the time praying.2. Agree in prayer with someone everyday for God's will to be done.3. Hold nightly prayer meetings.4. Take time in every gathering to pray. (Take 15 minutes in every service to pray for the elections. Turn an entire service to harp and bowl style intercession - worship and prayer combined.)5. Join 2 or more friends on a conference call and pray for 15, 20, or 30 minutes.6. Pray on the way to work (and on the way home).7. Pray before you go to sleep.8. Pray before church services.9. Ask God to give you His strategy - He will!For God and Our Great Nation,Dutch Sheets Dutch Sheets Ministries Email: ministryinfo@dutchsheets.org If you would like to hear Dr. Sheets' interview on the 700 Club with Pat Robertson and Terry Meeuwsen on 10-23-08, where he challenges us to pray for the Supreme Court, click here.

My husband is so sweet and also he is a huge fan of our little orator. She is so cute when she is trying to talk. She puckers her lips and kind of squints her eyes and boldly makes the cutest little coos that I have ever witnessed. I love it! Thought I would share them with you. Life has been crazy, yet I have had some great revelation and times of joy that I will share when I can sit down and write about it. But for now feast your eyes on my little up and coming prophetic song bird.

Great Video

I saw this video first on a blog page that I read through another blogger page. It is a catholic video but I think that it is phenomenal. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61wj4tJICcc

Home Away From Home

Steven and Shiloh often come to see me in the wee hours of the night as I scurry around my office in the basement of the children's home that I work at. Often times around 9:30pm or so I am not too busy and aching for my little love bug. About once a week they come and hang out for about 30 mins and I get a little fix that last me through till 11pm. Silly maybe but since we only live about 7 min. away and Steven likes to see me as well it is a nice break in our busy lives that we take and enjoy each other and our new little mini Cooper. Here is a little video that Steven sent me from his phone the other day so that I wouldn't be so lonely.

Isn't she adorable in motion!

An Opportunity To Give & Receive

My friend Tracie who happens to be our adoption guru, is knee deep into her second adoption. Their family is trekking into uncharted waters as they adopt internationally specifically for a boy with down syndrome. I am so excited for them as well as so grateful to her for all that she does. She helps families everyday through her adoption consulting business and brings little ones to their forever family. She is honest, hard working, smart and kind. Her kids are amazing and way to talented for their own good. I am shocked and so would Obama be at the distribution of talents into one family. :-)
Nick their oldest son is an amazing photographer and has decided to put those talents to use for his families adoption. He is offering photo sessions to families and individuals for a minimum donation of $75. All the proceeds go towards their $20,000 dollar adoption cost and you receive a cd with all your photos. If your donation is higher, well there are more items in your package. I think this is a great idea and I know that you will be satisfied with the pics that he takes. Go to http://tracieloux.blogspot.com to see how you can schedule your session and help bring home little Aiden.

A Positive From The Internet

Technology to me is a blessing and a curse. So much information at your fingertips, yet not enough people with discernment viewing it. The sky is not the limit anymore because in 5 seconds and a google search engine your imagination and curiosity can be appeased at the click of a button, both for good and for evil. History, geography, science, and math can all be explained through educational websites. In just the same manner however pornography, witchcraft, gluttony, and greed are like open sewers in the streets of cyber space that trap so many and so easily. This year I have learned to blog on the Internet as a great way to keep friends and family updated and also to meet new people from all over that share our passions. I have learned a great deal about several nations that have been devastated by natural disasters and have seen the good that the war in Iraq has brought to some of the people there. My friend Jennifer was doing a search on Myanmar after the cyclone of May and an ad to "buy Myanmar girls cheap" popped up on her screen. Children and woman are traded over the Internet like baseball cards and sold into a life of slavery in every kind of wickedness possible. Teens find sites that encourage suicide as an alternative to "this void existence", and married adults find websites for adultery to fill what is lacking in their own relationships. All this at the click of a button that is our world now. Could the U.S. and other nations thrive without the Internet now? Are we so addicted and embedded in it that we would fall if it was "disconnected"?

In the midst of all the muck there is a silver lining. I am sitting at work going through some emails and thought, "man my office is so quiet". I logged on to my favorite website and with a few clicks of a mouse I am listening to worship to our God that never stops. Sweet communing with Jesus through singing His words back to Him with the a tag of I love you at the end. It is the Prayer Room web stream and it is wonderful. It is Sunday and I will be watching Forerunner Christian Fellowship (IHOP's Congregation) in about 20 min. , all while charting and filling out lab requisitions. Now how on earth would that be possible any other way except through the Internet? It is refreshing and my spirit is lifted beyond the confined of my tiny office and I feel connected. It is a simple way to worship throughout the day, no matter what you are doing. You find your self humming to the music and repeating the choruses that are whispers of love to the One who is Love. The web stream is maintained by your $10 or $25 dollar donation every month. For that small price you get 24/7 worship and Word in your home, office, car, and wherever you are that Internet is available. It should be one of the 7 wonders of the world that intercession and worship is going out 24 hours a day, 7 days a week anywhere there is Internet access. I have heard of missionaries in Norther India who wake up at 4am to listen till 6am when they start their day. Closet watchers in Islamic nations who cannot hear the Word of God any other way, and the underground church in China that silently sings along with fellow brothers & sisters in worshipping the One who is worthy. Yes this is a bright light in the midst of a sea of darkness that we are so plugged into. A positive from a source of so much negativity. I am blessed and if you would like this positive feed in your home, office, or wherever you are go to http://www.ihop.org/ and click on the banner that says "24/7 Worship", you will glad that you did.

International Visitors

When people hear that you are adopting or that the baby that they are in awe of isn't biologically yours they are instantly drawn to your story. It is because in all of us is this mystery surrounding "wantedness". Why would you adopt a baby that isn't yours? Why? It is the whole in our hearts before we know the Lord, this longing to belong but a feeling of disqualification on every level. The unknown inner knowledge that we are in need and only One can bring us wholeness. All throughout the New Testament the Bible says we are adopted through the blood of the cross into the household of Heaven. We cry Abba, Father because we are no longer strangers but sons and daughters. It is in all of us because we were created for communion and without it we feel empty.

Soooo... when a couple in Canada, whom Steven met on a Onething, started reading our blog and following our adoption story their hearts were instantly connected. They love Jesus and are involved in the house of prayer in Winnipeg, Canada. (where Winnie the pooh originated) They prayed for us, gave to us, and told others about us. They recently got a chance to visit KC and stayed in our home for a week. It was so fun to finally meet after blog talking and emailing for months. They had sent presents via their sister before Shiloh was born and now she was here and they were getting to "squish" her for themselves. Prayer's made real in the flesh of an innocent baby snatched from the fire by their cries to the Father. It was an amazing time and their hearts melted as they relished their time with Shiloh. Our week with them was a wonderful time to get to know one another and to laugh at how similar we are yet separated by so much distance.

Kristi Farrow is a labor and delivery nurse who longs to be in the house of prayer but is for now in the market place. This role makes it possible for her husband,Shane, to be in the house of prayer full time along with raising support (We feel your pain). I am a nurse, however not in L&D (no thank you) though I work with children and love it. I long to be in the house of prayer full time, yet know the tug of the market place. I try ,as does Kristi, to see how God is moving in my life through my job and the people that I meet. Steven is in the house of prayer full time and knows that is where he will be till Jesus splits the skies , as does Shane. They live life simply, surrounded by friends who share their "Anna Calling". We too are in a community of comrades that love the house of prayer and are giving everything, even the comforts of the "American Dream" to do just that.(Theirs would be the Canadian Dream :-0 ) They were friends forever that one day realized that their friendship was more than friendship and they like us had that awkward first kiss that transitioned them from friends to whatever you call that. We too were very close and then realized that this person who we loved dearly as a friend was the "one". It was weird the similarities between us and I hope that one day we will share two more. Totally healing and adoption!!! Come on Farrow's!!!! :-)

Any who, here are some pics from our neighbors up North and our little angel boo.

Kristi and Christina from Winnipeg,Canada

Shane Farrow with our little bug a boo.

What Does Pro-Life Look Like?

The other day I took my beautiful daughter to her one month check up at the pediatrician. She is healthy, growing and weights 8 lbs and 9 oz now. It was just over a month that we got the call that our little one was coming into this world. We drove the 5 hours to be there for her first moments and she has stolen our hearts away. Part of the "getting" process of adoption had us driving through Wichita, KS. It is a medium sized city that feeds many smaller towns around it and it is the closest place in that part of Kansas that you can receive an abortion. It is where our birth mother was headed shortly after finding out that she was pregnant and didn't want the baby. Two days after Shiloh was born we drove through Wichita and it hit me, 9 months earlier and she could have died in that city and now she was alive and driving through it. It was a huge testimony to love, courage and also to God. He spared Shiloh through various circumstances and placed her in our home forever. Our prayers in the house of prayer were manifest in God sparing Shiloh's life. I was a Hannah crying out and He delivered to us a "Samuel". Snatched from the fire, our little one stands as a reminded that Pro-Life is more than a banner or a voting stance. It is more than picket lines or hater signs. Pro-life is more than a choice and more than a religious conviction. Pro-Life is a LIFE. Pro-Life is saying yes to life and no to murder.

No matter how the media or left-wing yahoos try to put it, life begins at conception. It is an amazing phenomenon in biology to watch two haploid cells divide in meiosis to form another complete cell. This cell has the capability to differentiate into multiple cells and tissues that form organ systems in a matter of weeks. In less time that it takes presidential candidates to get elected, there is a tiny little life being knit together. This is miraculous! No one can say that a cell that is actively undergoing cell division is dead, that it is none living. That is crap! I am a nurse and have also taught biology.I have seen the inside of a uterus and the processes it takes to prepares for conception and gestation. Those who say that life begins outside the womb have never seen the workings of a female body during pregnancy.At what other point does the human body grow accessory organs such as the placenta other than to support LIFE!

On November 4th so many things are going to change and lines will be drawn in the sand. But it is not Nov. 4th that I am putting my hopes in. People are instruments in the hand of a holy God. My hope is in the fact that intercessors plead the cause of the unborn, the orphan, and this nation before the high courts of heaven and things are moved in the spiritual and natural realms. Intercession targeted at the idols and strongholds of wickedness in our nations is the change that is needed. God raise up more intercessors in this nation; in California, in Colorado, in D.C. come Lord wake up your church to the hour that we are in. Open the eyes of the blind and the ears of the deaf in the church!!!! Jesus hear our cry and turn this nation from wickedness.

Meeting Steven's Family

Last weekend October 3-4th, I went home to Arkansas for my 10 year high school reunion and also so that Steven's family could meet Shiloh. They hadn't seen her yet and one of his brothers is leaving for Japan for a month so I thought it would be nice to show her off to them while I was down. Steven has three brothers ranging in ages from 33 to 23. He is the second oldest at 30 years and the first among them to get married and also to have a child. We are forerunners in our family too. :-)

Here are a few pics from that weekend and their first reactions to Shiloh. My mother-in-law also threw me a little shower with all her friends that have known Steven since he was conceived. I had met some of them at our wedding but hadn't seen them since. It was very nice and thoughtful of them to come and shower Shiloh with love and gifts.

Steven's mom and dad have been educators for over 25 years. His dad Mike teaches at the U of A Ft. Smith campus and his mom, Beth teaches ESL in several location in Ft. Smith. They are great and are loving their new granddaughter.

This is Chris the youngest brother. Shiloh and I stopped in Fayettville to see him because he had to work all weekend. He made me a nice BBQ sandwich and I ate as he ood and awed over his new little niece. It was very sweet.

My sister in law from Winnipeg, Canada with Shiloh. She is married to Steven's oldest brother Jon. They have been married for 3yrs and not quite ready for little ones.

This is Jon, Steven's oldest brother.

This is Peter the "middle" of the 4 boys. He is 26 and single so come on ladies. He is leaving for Japan where he will observe mental health practices there asserting his Psychology degree and then learning a bit of the culture in his spare time. He is the families world traveler, having stayed in Eastern Europe a couple of times, Argentina, and now in Japan for a month. Uncle Peter bring Shiloh home something cool!

Some Welcome Visitors

Since Shiloh has come into our lives she has been blessed to have some great friends come to see her. We also made a trip to Arkansas to visit the grandparents which was a joy. I wanted to share some pics from those moments of friends and family first meeting Shiloh.


Our Friend Sarah & Josh brought Chick Filet and came to see us in Lenexa when we first arrived.















Anna, Kristy,& Hollie came when we got to
Lenexa.




My mom & dad drove up & stayed w/ us at the Banderman's for a night .
This is the firstgrandchild on either side, so they were eager to come to meet her.

Shiloh Turned One Month Old Today!!!!

Today my little princess turned one month old. It is incredible to me that a month ago we were in a small town in Kansas, sitting nervously in the entry way/waiting room of a country hospital to receive the greatest gift of our lives, Shiloh Abigail Cooper. 10:55 am we held her for the first time on September 11th, 2008 and our lives and hearts were changed forever. I will never be able to look back and make sense of my life before Shiloh and now as we look ahead and try to plan for the future it is still a little blurry. One thing that we are sure about is that this little one is sealed in a cocoon of love in the deepest place of our hearts and we are so very grateful to God and our family of friends for her being brought into our home.

Today we decided to celebrate on a spur of the moment idea of a tea party. I sent out emails last night to some friends and we went to the store to buy those yummies that you serve at tea parties. I woke up this morning and with Shiloh strapped to me in the sling we went to town freshening up the house for our guest and my little crumpet stayed awake from 8am till 1pm. I couldn't believe it. She wasn't overly fussy or anything, it seemed like she just wanted to take in the moment. Our guest arrived on time and we brewed some tea and ate little snacks and visited. It was so fun and as Steven is away on a Onething trip it helped with the loneliness. I haven't been that lonely this weekend or this week as we have had awesome guest from Canada staying with us and sharing in the delicacy of "squishing" our little daughter.

After a little while as people were leaving my friends again generously offered their services of babysitting. I am so blessed to have so many to help with Shiloh. I usually don't take advantage but today I took Kristen Schlemmer's offer and hit the gym for an hour. I was feeling sluggish and it gave me the second wind that I needed. I also arranged for Steven and I to have two hours on Monday as Shari will watch her. I love it also because my friends will watch her here at the house, their place, or the prayer room. It is awesome. (Oh for those wondering, Shiloh wears little ear plugs in the prayer room)

After that and a load of laundry we laid down for a little nap and then after a little bottle snack a walk was in order and now we are just sitting back chillin at the house. Dakota is laying lazily on the floor by the couch, Shiloh is in her bouncy staring at the mobile attached to it sucking on her soothie, and I of course am typing away trying to keep fam and friends engaged in our little dream boat world.

Thanks for reading.

I'm Still Here, Just Super Busy

Friends- Forgive me for ignoring you for a few days. Life has been crazy and it is flying by so fast I can barely catch my breath. I went to Arkansas this last weekend for my 10 year high school reunion, to see family and friends, and for my mother-in-law to throw us a baby shower. It was a great time seeing old friends and I loved meeting long time friends of Steven's family as they showered Shiloh with gifts and attention. It was the first time that Steven's family had seen Shiloh and I think she left them with flutters in their hearts. I will down load my pictures and post them hopefully tonight. I got to see my parents and had ice cream with a dear friend, that has walked many long roads with me and is now on one herself. I drove down there by myself, which means that I played single mom for a weekend and I got to hand it to single moms. They are champions!! I was so tired and had to leave at 5am on Sunday due to having to work that morning in Kansas City. As soon as I drove up in my driveway I got called into work. I had to drop off Shiloh with Steven and then go straight to work at 10am after driving 4 1/2 hours. It sucked! I came home and in my exhausted state I laid down with Shiloh and totally slept till around 4:30 pm. The bad part was that I was still on call and missed three phone calls from work. God is good to me though and my boss just sent someone else in knowing that I must have been asleep or something. When I called to ask forgiveness she just said it was OK and asked was I still coming to the baby shower. Yup, another baby shower for Shiloh. My boss is an amazing woman of God and wanted so badly to throw me a shower at work for Shiloh. Two showers in less than 72 hours is funny and almost excessive. But I am so blessed and feel that my baby is super favored of God to receive so much love and attention. So that was all between Friday and Monday. Saturday while I was in AR. our friends from Canada came to our house to stay for a week. I had never met them face to face but read their blog as do they ours. They had followed our adoption story after meeting Steven at last years Onething Canada, and found their hearts stirred. They gave generously towards Shiloh's adoption and are now here getting to love on her. It is awesome! I love getting to know them and wish that they could stay longer. I have had to work this whole week so I feel that I haven't spent much quality time with them. I am actually at work right now, taking a little break to catch my readers up, then I have to get busy as I was left in charge while my boss is in Uganda, Africa tending to the orphanage that she runs. There are a lot of little things that add up when you are left to fill big shoes. I came into work to find the nurse that was on for days left already and I knew nothing of what was going on. The clinic for the pediatrician that was supposed to be done at 8am this morning is still sitting on the floor with scripts that I need to have signed. There is a clinic with the psychiatrist going on and people are paging for the nurse. Not to mention I need to get the heights and weights on 50 kids, all while tending to the little ones that get scraps and bruises. Work is great but I talked to my boss the other day and we are working on a different schedule for me. 8 hours four days a week is so long to be away from Shiloh right now, and though Steven is turning out to be a super dad, it is a stretch for him as well. I can't really do anything until we finalize Shiloh's adoption because right now if I shift hours I will loose her insurance and that is a no, no in the world of finalization. So for now we are here and this is that. Pray for us if you get a chance.

So I have been a little busy and cannot believe that it is Thursday. Any free time that I have had I have taken little naps to try to catch up on sleep. The latter part of the week Steven has 6am sets so I do the night shift of feedings with Shiloh. Last night she was restless and I finally got her to sleep around 1am, afterwards she had mercy on me and slept till 5:30am. Thank you Jesus. So I will write again, love you all!

Our First Case Worker Visit

Wednesday at 1pm our case worker in Kansas City, Susan, came for our first post placement visit. We like Susan a lot she is a nice, christian lady and I highly recommend her services if you are in the KC area and looking to start the adoption process. She has to come in and make sure that we are taking good care of Shiloh, that there are no major issues, and that everyone is bonding well. She asked questions like, "how much is she eating, what type of formula, any medical problems, has she been to the doctor, and so on. Other funny questions like "how many toys does she have are funny to me, yet it isn't a bother like I felt in the beginning of this process. It helps that Shiloh is already ours and I am not asking permission, but just double checking now. All through this process everyone from case workers to lawyers and even our judge have asked us if we are sure this is what we want to do and "now is the time to change your mind if you want". We would have been retarded to get this far a long and say, "oh I don't feel like being a mommy anymore, or no I don't want to rescue a little one". It is just amazing the hoops that adoptive parents have to jump through that most bio parents never take a moment the think on. Sometimes I wonder where our country went so wrong that our social system awards drug addicts custody of children only to take them back a few months later for neglect, and yet people who want nothing more than to love and care for children through adoption must climb high mountains of paper work, endure interview after interview and then wait in faith for your little one to be permanently placed in your arms. It is amazing, really.
I am so thankful to my family and friends for their constant support in prayer and financially giving towards Shiloh's adoption. I am so blessed with a beautiful, healthy, perfect baby girl. I am thrilled to watch my husband holding and caring for this little helpless one with such tenderness. I tear up when someone says oh she is so beautiful. I had nothing to do with that, yet she is mine and I am so proud. I love not saying anything when we are out and people assume she is mine because she looks like me. I know and she will know, but the world can just watch in wonder as two become one. There is an adoption revolution brewing in this nation, and in our little IHOP community. God is changing the "why" behind adoptions to the "why not." People are jumping on planes to adopt twins and families with 7 children are saying "what's two or three more?" It is awesome and I am glad to be a part of this thing that is so close to God's heart. Thank you for partnering with us and continue to pray for Shiloh and us as we are learning how to parent this beautiful little gift.

Sleep, Work, and Life

Today marks three weeks that our lives were forever changed and our hearts expanded as we welcomed into our home and hearts our daughter Shiloh Abigail. She is growing so fast I cry sometimes as I watch her. I want her to stay my small little baby, yet I long for more sleep...so grow baby grow. :-) She sleeps well for a newborn and eats like a champ. She's around 7 lbs and 5 oz. I can tell because her preemie clothes are starting to be a little tight. That's my baby! Today we went to see a dear friend who just brought her daughter in to the world. We always talked about how our daughters would be so close together so I took Shiloh with me to meet her new friend Isabella. That was fun, but later the tiredness of the day and the previous nights hit me as I dropped Shiloh off with dad to get ready for work. I started back to work this week and it has been rough. Not only being away from Shiloh sucks, but also sickness is flowing out of the doors of the children's home right now and I am in the thick of it. I have been working in pediatric for sometime now and have a good immunity built up, however I am nervous about taking it home to Shiloh. We have three kids with strep and one kid with MRSA. ( a super bug) I had drained his abscess Sunday and thinking it looked bad I cultured it and the results came back yesterday and I was like "crap". Fortunately for me I was raised with a mom who was in the medical field. She would come home and we were not allowed to touch her until she had changed her clothes. So true to form I told Steven give me a sec, and I took a shower that night before holding her. I just have to trust that God is her Father and He will guard her.

Life is so good right now. We aren't sleeping a lot, however we are kind and trade off to help the other. Shiloh is sweet and I enjoy just starring at her. I went and got a new car seat today, just in time to drive to Arkansas for the weekend. My in-laws are having a little get together to meet Shiloh and my 10 yr. high school reunion is this weekend. I am not sure why I am going since I hated high school other than I will get to see a few people that I miss terribly. Work is stressful and thinking about how Steven and Shiloh are is a thought that crosses more than once in every hour. I printed off her pictures and have them on my desk. That helps a little. I count the seconds as 11pm rolls over the clock so that I can go home and hold my little princess.
That is pretty much it for now.

Bathing Beauty

After a blow out of massive proportions there was only one thing to do, damage control and an emergency bath. I forgot how much waste material a little body can produce. :-) It's really funny to watch Shiloh in the bath because she just sits back and relaxes as if she were at the spa. I feel like if she could talk she would ask me "to put just a tab more hot water and fix her a bottle warm not hot as well". She is so cute and just sits there moving her hands in the water. I love it!!! I couldn't help but to break out the camera that my folks gave us and snap a few pics for you to enjoy.

I just cannot get over how beautiful she is and what a calm baby she is. I am starting to distinguish between her couple of cries as well which alleviates some of my feeling like a failure. I think that we are all getting to know each other and getting comfortable.

Yesterday was my first day back to work. I was sad and mad as my place of employment messed up my PTO (paid time off) and I ended up with only two weeks off instead of four weeks. What can you do? It was an interesting day and I had a couple of little medical procedures that were almost too much for my stomach, and I have a strong stomach. I was submerged in paperwork from the two weeks that I was gone and the new med. sheets for the month of October had to be checked and gone over with a fine tooth comb for any mistakes. Yippee!!!! Mean while Steven and daughter were having a nice afternoon anticipating my return and we hung out as a fam. that night. I love this new reality and cannot even remember life before. What were we doing? Who knows.

My Heart Alive

This is not a direct post about Shiloh however there is much mention of her. I will post later today. I have some great pics of her taking a bath which she loves. It is so funny! I wanted to share from my heart if for anything other than to get it off my chest. This seasons in my life over the last 9 months has been riddled with self reflection, discovery about my weaknesses, and revelation of God's great endurance and kindness to me. I have see through my own tough guy facade to see the real me and it is a rough transition. I had an encounter with the Lord only days before we got the call for Shiloh that I will never forget. Jesus met me on a vast mountain range and just as I was about to crest the peak thinking that my journey was done, the mountain range extended out beyond the horizon. I was crushed and cried out that I could not go on any further. Jesus in His mercy was showing me that this was not the end, but only the beginning. It was a startling revelation but with His gentle touch my heart was made ready for the long trek. Now instead of Jesus and Me, it would be Jesus and us. Shiloh was to be my traveling buddy on this pilgrimage. Jesus told me that she too would need to know how to climb these mountains. My burst into tears at that thought. Would they be this very same mountain range? The barren waste land of disappointment, loss, sorrow, & sickness? Would she have to look in the face of a curse, speak to it with authority to be gone and wait patiently in the wind? Oh Lord no! Or would it be a different mountain range all together but equal in its challenges? These are questions that I will ask and the answers I will pray into. For now I must learn to climb the mountain to the best of my ability so that when she is ready my ceiling will be vaulted and give her a boost up to that top.
The peak that I am starring at from the bottom now is giving. Giving of everything that I am for the sake of love. Giving up and letting go for a season of loving that will only happen this once for this time in life. Giving my all for people and for the future of Shiloh. I am faced with my lack and inability. Like every new mother I feel inadequate and helpless. I am stunned by the insufficient of my education in nursing when it comes to the emotional strain that lack of sleep and frustration can bring. Shiloh is amazing and doesn't cry that much and sleeps pretty good, but I find it very hard to sleep during the day and there is always a million things to do when she is asleep. I want to give her everything that I can in love, in spiritual maturity, & in care. I know that I am going to peak this mountain like the others, but I also know that in the climb many things in my backpack will have to be sacrificed as I carry myself and Shiloh up this summit. Things like pride, selfish ambition, my own desires for the good of her, and vanity. These things that I think are not in my pack, but are right in the top of my bag. If those are in the top portion of my backpack, then what is in the bottom that weighs so much? Oh my soul...one thing at a time. Jesus knows that if He were to reveal all the things that I carry around with me, thinking that they are supplies, that I would turn around and just jump off the mountain. Now with Shiloh strapped to my chest (nearest to my heart) there is no other option but to make it to the top. No matter the cost I must make it to the top. It is at the top that I can rest and get my strength. It is at the top of the mountain that I an refreshed from the climb and can celebrate a little. Some peoples waste lands, their personal wildernesses are flat and hot places. Others it is a deadly forest with dangers lurking behind every tree. For me now it is a steep mountain range with jagged rocks and long falls looming over the edge. I am roped into Jesus for only He knows the best ways up the mountain. So right now I am setting up my base camp. I am preparing my gear , love. patience, long suffering in joy, gentleness...to carry me through and emptying my bag of the things that would hinder.
I am grateful for Shiloh's company on the journey. I am learning that all those hidden places come with hidden treasures. The unmeasurable wealth of surrender and revelation. To empty myself of false paradigms and false expectations and to grab hold of reality in Jesus. To become more like Christ. Father of Glory give to me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. I have prayed that prayer a thousand times and yet now more than ever my heart feels its desire. God I need your wisdom and revelation to guide me on this journey. More is at stake than my wants and my petty moaning. Come God, give to me the jewels of your revelation.

Shiloh's Day At The Doctors

Today at 10:45 am I took Shiloh for her first pediatrician appointment. I was excited because not only was I going to see how big my little peanut has grown, but also I used to work at this particular office. They have seen many ups and downs with my physical health and also heard me talk about how we were going to adopt someday. Well today I was able to walk through the well baby side and present my beautiful daughter to them. The nurses had been watching the clock to see if it was time for Shiloh to come in and when we arrived everyone was at the check in desk to see her. I had run to Wal-Mart to pic up some yummy photos that I sent via email last night just so that in between holdings people could see a little more of her. I love that you can email Wal-Mart pics and pick them up the next day. Technology can be our friend.

This morning I dressed Shiloh in something simple since she was bound to end up buck naked anyways. A cute little brown and pink poke a dot outfit and off white pants. She was adorable and even cuter in her birthday suit. After she was cuddled somewhere in the nurses area, we finally landed in room # 13, which I had taken many patients to with their little bundles before. It was the biggest room in the office which was nice as we were bombarded with all my nurse friends wanting to see our little joy. She was alert and looking around which made meeting her even more fun. We striped her down after a quick snack and took her to the scales. What was the results you ask....she is getting so big. She weighed in at 6lbs 10oz at birth and 18 in long. Now that whole 18in long at birth is sketchy sometimes as the baby doesn't always want to stretch out all the way and the nurses are using a tape measure. At the office it is a board with a yard stick fastened to it that you hold their head to one end and a little slide that you put their feet to. It is way more accurate.

So here are her numbers:

Wt. 7lbs 1oz , Ht 19 3/4in, Head 13 1/2. WOW!!!!

She grew! 7 pounds, I can't believe it however I see and feel it, she is a totally different looking baby than on 9/11. It is amazing! I am not sure how long those numbers held, since when we got back to the room she pooped and peed all over the bed before I got a diaper back on her. Whoops.

As the doctor came in we joked about her name. When I worked with Dr. Daniels I would joke that we were going to name a girl Mini Cooper so when she walked in she asked where was Mini. She looked over Shiloh with the thoroughness that I remembered and that made me feel really good. It was one of the main reasons that I chose to go there. Shiloh acted like she had done that sort of thing a million times without making even a whimper. I was so impressed with her. We got an excellent report as I expected and got the little princess dressed. More nurses desired her presence in the phone nursing area so after we loaded up the generous amount of formula samples that our nurse Theresa gave us we made an appearance in the other end of the office. I was on cloud nine as my friends talked about how beautiful my daughter was. I was so humbled and thankful, and super blessed. It was a great visit and now that we have one visit to the Dr. under our belt we can have our caseworker come to do a post placement visit and get us one step closer to finalization! Yea!!

Shiloh's Modeling Debut

We had Nick Loux, our consultant and friend's son come and take some pictures of Shiloh. Nick is phenomenal in his photography skills. One day we are going to see his work in prominent magazines for sure. I am so proud because I know that my teaching him in biology somehow helped to propelled him in that field. J.K. ;-) I love Nick he is simple phenomenal!! Here's a little preview of the pictures and our new decor scheme.

Isn't she beautiful!!!!!!

WOW I still can't believe it!