Please Pray

Friends I want to bring to you a prayer request that is dear to my heart. Let me preface it by explaining what my job entails.

I work at a children's home for troubled and abused children. Most of our residents come from serious neglect, physical and sexual abuse and situations that even Hollywood would not make a movie about. They receive therapy and counseling daily as well as go to school there. We have several dorms with children from ages 4-12yrs,both girls and boys. I feel very much that God has me here for a season and I am blessed to be able to see and pray for these children. I was ignorant to the plight of children in our social system in this nation until I worked here. I have been horrified over and over by reading the history of these children and find myself asking how did they survive? Children are resilient, however though they appear OK on the outside, their insides are tormented by terrifying memories and hopelessness about their future.

My prayer is this, that you would lift up children in residential facilities that God would break into their hearts. That he would bring true shepherds to these ones and that He would be preached to them. PRAY for the church to wake up and begin to take these ones in. This will not be easy as many of these children will need constant care at first and lots of love through out burst and tantrums until healing takes place in their hearts and minds. BUT we must! Is any thing impossible for God? Can we love even what is not perfect? How will they know healing if the ones who have the power to heal do not stretch out their hands? Those of us who cannot at this time take these in, it is our responsibility to pray and to support those who can. But as the body of Christ we must bring these ones in.

Here is one to pray for specifically:
PRAY for Josh. Today he cried to our therapist that all he wants is a family that would love him forever. He has been in at least 7 foster homes, abused, and neglected. Please pray that God would bring a family to him that is willing to supervise him and see him through healing and restoration.

Strictly About Shiloh!

This post is dedicated to my little jumper. She is getting so big and this morning she sat up all by her self. (well mostly :-) She is four and half months and very active. She is really jumping now. If you stand her up on your legs she will jump several times without prompting. She is doing a little better on her tummy time to. I got her to stick it out for 10 min.s twice yesterday. She tried for a few times to "crawl" around New Years, but nothing since then.When you put her on her tummy she will roll over in about 2 min. and then she laughs. I think she has an escape plan formulated. She will do anything to get off her tummy.

We moved her into her room last night. We have her play yard with bassinet in our room in the corner and that has been her home since coming home. It is great because we are all sleeping together. But when she stirs in the wee hours of the morning I am usually the one that has to get up and do something, whether put the pacifier in or rock her. I don't want that to be a habit so we made the step to get her to sleep in her room. Well all is going well and she is officially sleeping in her "big girl bed". Really it is just her crib but that is a big step especially for daddy. I asked him a few weeks ago when he thought we could move her into her room (so that I could get more sleep) and he said when she was 12 years old. I laughed but then I saw that he was serious. He is in love with this little angel! Last night in her crib, she stirred around 5 am, but quickly put her self back to bed and slept in a little too. I was so proud of her and glad that I wasn't having to break her of a bad habit.It is great!. I do miss her in our room though.

She is starting to really stare at small stuff now. She focuses in on my wedding ring when I am holding her and even leans in to give slobbery kisses. She is also holding her arms out to be picked up and she wraps her arms and hands around us when we carry her. She is growing up so much. I am so excited for this next stage, but I will miss my little tiny baby. She is such an incredible little baby. Super sweet, even tempered, "low maintenance", and extremely happy. I am so excited for what is in store for us now. We are exceedingly grateful!

Working Through the Rough Spots

So Jan. 20th has come and gone and while some people feel that this election was a huge defeat for LIFE and for the church, I am stirred that this is the perfect set up for God to move. We have a man whom half the country idolizes and the other half is baffled by. He is strong, charasmatic, and fresh. It is a historical triumph for our nations and people cannot help but to be proud dispite their differeing opinoins. I have heard some amazing prophetic words over our new president from sources that are extremely and terrifyingly accurate and it gives me hope. Recently I had and accidental run in with an African American friend about President Obama. It started with an inocent remark and got out of hand. I dug a hole & then I decided to share my convictions. (I am not real good, or smart when it comes to confrontation) I said that she was right that I didn't vote for Obama, and I added that I didn't really vote "for that idiot McCain" in her words either. I voted for issues and morality. Well that was when I started digging with a backho. My words were like the lint in the air and truth falls by the way side when idols are being confronted. I am currently in the process of repenting for offending, yet not apologizing for my stance on issues like abortion and homosexuality. I offended a sister in Christ and for that I am very sorry. Today I have struggled with that as well as inner core issues in my heart and also just realizing that we really live in a screwed up world and the need for truth and Jesus is more real to me than ever. Who am I, ... what do I really believe,...where is humility???? I need Jesus and so do my co-workers, along with half the church. We are living in and era where scripture is literally leaping off the pages and playing out in life.

We live in a world that is fallen, with scars of past trauma's and current injustices blaring at us. The black community has suffered in an "all white" nation and this election has given them a new since of hope. I am proud to live in a day where my daughter will grow up knowing that all men are created equal and color doesn't matter, not even in the white house. However my daughter will also grow up in a world where little 14 & 15 year old can go have abortions and no one has to be notified under the Freedom of Choice Act. The shedding of innocent blood will have to be answered for and I think that her generation will be called upon to bare that burden. I do not agree with the morals of our current president and pray that God intervenes. We are heading towards the end of this age and this is what it looks like. Subtle compromises in the name of "love, peace, and unity". A simple slogan giving rise to the humanistic spirit that is the harlot that seduces the nations. People give way to race and pride at the cost of convictions and what the words says. Preachers back candidates because of brotherhood and not righteousness. People are led astray by good speeches without really hearing the message. These are controversial issues and believe me I am surrounded by them everyday at work. But they are controversiall in heaven as well. Where we stand now is what we are accountable for in the end. How we choose to vote or to just vote "present" is what we answer for later. How we teach the future and the past to our children is massively important for their eternal souls.

So what do we do? How do we live? Obviously we try not to offend our brothers and sisters. Using tact and gentleness, meekness, humility, self-control, etc... (which school is still in session for me) in our relationships with people who we hope to be a witness to is very valid. But at some point our choices and lifestyle of seeking after righteousness and abandonment to God will offend. This world is in the grasp of forces of darkness and light and dark always clash. We try to live peaceably as Paul wrote to the early churches and immerse ourselves in the sermon on the Mt. lifestyle to kill our flesh that would rise to confront when we should quietly stand. What we do is PRAY. We pray for our president because we are mandated, but we pray because it changes things. We stand for LIFE and for righteousness because it matters and it exalts a nation and Jesus. We stand and bare reproach for our stance because Jesus is worthy and it cost very little in light of His sacrifice for true freedom. We stand because we must. We dig into the Word and eat the scroll so that when we speak only light and truth come forth not flesh and half way answers. We are in the last days and people will not understand and will even revile us because of our stand, our vote, our very lifestyle. But we stand all the more.

My beautiful little girl turned 4 mo.s on the 11th of this month. At our check-up the nurse practitioner said that she was pretty near perfect. I think so, but it is nice to here the professional opinion on the matter. She weighed in at 13 lbs and 2 oz and a woping 23 1/2 in. She is a little short but that will come in time. She is trying to crawl, drooling everywhere, laughing and squealing so loudly. She wakes us up in the morning by reciting her latest poem entitled "Ghooo...oooo...Ghooo" as loud as possible. Some mornings it is hilarious and we just snicker .Other mornings she starts a little early and receives a pacifier.She still sleeps in her bassinet in our room. I like having her near and it is very convenient. When I get her up in the mornings, (rather when she wakes me up) we sing and I feed her in bed with me. She is so cute when she is waking up and stretches like she's been cooped up in a box all night. She just sits there eating and every once in a while she looks right at me, smiles, and half way laughs. It could be my morning hair or maybe she adores me as much as I do her.
I love it though. She is so full of joy and smiles. When I have music on she just sings and makes all kinds of noises. I tell her that she is my little song bird and to keep singing. She still hates being on her stomach though. She will just throw her arms out and start screaming. I am not sure if it is uncomfortable or if she is just frustrated. Maybe a little of both, but I try to have her there for at least 10 min. a day. She calms down a little after a while. I figure it can't hurt. She has good arm and head strength so I don't force more than that.

She is so amazing and we are blessed everyday with her. Steven takes videos of her and sends them to me at work. I just melt. He usually post them on Facebook for those interested in seeing a million pictures and videos of her. She has him wrapped around her finger for sure. He is so tender with her and I love seeing them develop their own relationship apart from mom. Steven is very "lucky" to be put in the position of care giver everyday. Some dads never fully engage in the baby stage and Steven has been immersed in it, as I went back to work when she was three weeks old. It was God and He is tenderizing our hearts so much. This little one will grow up very different than we did, in every way. We have had a couple of conversations with her birth mother since the birth. All very positive and it seems that she is doing well. Still grieving loss a little, but very happy about how things are. I am glad to keep the channels open.

My big girl sitting up on her own.
She is very strong!

Our Prophetic Journey

I love Wednesdays for several reasons. One being that it is the middle of the work week and I only have one more day of work. But the best thing is my time in the Bethany Healing Rooms at IHOP. I go for prayer to the healing room that is designated for chronic and terminal diseases. Since I have had endometriosis for over 11yrs and my friend runs it, I get in. Anyways. I love it because it is a time for me to sit in a quiet (well sort of) room with two good friends who are contending for my healing as I meditate on God and the word. I have never seen or heard more clearly then when I am in there. I am sure that is for more reasons than just the great company. I have receive so much revelation on myself, God, my issues, and Shiloh while in meditation.

This morning was no different except that Shiloh accompanied me. That made concentration a little difficult, but I managed as did everyone else. We were meditating on Ps. 103 which I love. There is so much in it you could spend a week on that one verse. Our second meditation was on verse 4 and 5. "Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies, 5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. "
The Lord showed me a picture or parallel of Shiloh and myself. God redeemed me from a life of destruction. Pre-salvation I was a mess. Abuse, drugs and alcohol, bad boy friends and a whole lot of bad choices. After I was saved self-hatred carried over into religiousness and illness made me bitter. As the years have progressed some of the things lessened as Christ washed over me with His word and others were hidden deeper. These are deep inner things that I know of and others may never perceive. God has redeemed me from all of it. He picked me up off a nasty floor one night as I had too much to drink mixed with to many drugs and managed to clean me up. He redeemed my heart and mind and offers renewal as I seek Him. There is no end to His redemption.
Likewise Shiloh's life would have been destroyed. Annihilated in the fires of abortion only to be known by God had He not intervened. God snatched her from death. We both have been redeemed and both cry Abba by the same spirit. Nothing separates us, we are the same. He is the same for us both. Our redeemer!
He crowns us with loving kindness....I have never felt like I deserved any crown. I was poor growing up, felt like trash and was treated like trash. But to Him I am redeemed and He sees me through Christ and I am a new creation. Self hatred is a terrible disease that eats away at your very soul. I have endured abuse and mental degradation that left me feeling lower than a dog and contemplating homicide and suicide in my teen years. I am for real when I say that God has redeemed me from a life of destruction. I try not to cling to, or even think about the past but its ripples can still be felt. We all have a past, some good others are not, but it shapes who we are. It marks us and sometimes it takes years to repair what the past molded into us. I went in to the works mentality that says if I do this then I will be worthy. I love serving people and I love hospitality, but sometimes I find I try to earn peoples affections. I am getting over that and I feel very free from most of this in this season. God did so much in me leading up to adopting Shiloh. I am so thankful that He, in His wisdom, opened my eyes to see the dark to escort me into the lovely. He would take me through my past during meditation and show me areas of self hatred, anger, abuse, and other events and show me where he was and how those things have stayed with me. Then He would touch my heart and I would feel burdens lift. He showed me over several months how I had harbored unforgivness and bitterness in regards to my illness. He revealed the very point at which I refused to "feel" anymore about it. I gave up. He walked me through grieving those years and gave me promises that I would be healed. He is gentle in His ways. Over the last years I feel that I can look back at my past without cringing and honestly say that I can see God's hand in it and now I am a different person.

But.. today God took me through a picture that encouraged my heart. Shiloh and I are on a journey because I have to know the Father and I have to accept His love and His kindness. I have been taught and I know the scriptures, but it must run through my core and come out no matter what circumstances arise. I must shed the old and continually put on the new because as my daughter grows up and faces challenges I want her to have the confidence and understanding of who she is in God and who He is for her. I saw Shiloh as a little girl and together we were standing on a small hill looking up at a huge mountain. I knew that it was a mountain that Shiloh would have to climb. Then I was gone and Shiloh was alone to face the peak. I started to cry. How was she to do this? I started to pray over her Ps. 32: 7 a scripture the Lord gave me for her. Then I saw that Shiloh turned, threw her arms out, and leaped off the hill into Jesus' arms. I cried. The mountain was for her, but when I am not sure. But this I know... she will know no fear and trust in Christ that He will carry her through. This is the legacy that I am working on and will give to her. It is a new generation starting in my family. A childhood without hate, anger, night terrors, abuse, and sorrow. I love how God redeems us from destruction, "So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. "Ps 103:5

January 20th Means A Whole New Ballgame

On Jan. 20th, 2009 Mr. Obama will be officially sworn in as our president. In case you haven't been listening or watching as he has chosen his cabinet members it has been sketchy to say the least. Some of the most liberal minded individuals are his advisers and people who's soul purpose for being in office is to redefine American culture according to humanistic and frankly demonic standards, are his guidance team. This is frightening. Marriage as we know it now may look very different in 4 years, our children's public education may go against everything that you believe in, homeschooling your children may not be an option, and those things which we have labored for in prayer regarding the sanctity of life may be washed away with a stroke of ink in a matter of days. Barack has promised to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as one of the first things he does once in office. His staff has been hard at work writing up statements to reverse several Executive Orders signed by President Bush in recent years. Below is a short re-cap of what the FOCA will do if signed:
1) All hospitals and health care practitioners will be required, by law, to perform abortions even if doing so will cause them to act against their religion or conscience. ( U.S. Catholic Conference of Bishops all 253 of them are unanimous in the position they state in a document they have issued warning Obama that they all vow to close down all Catholic hospitals, (more then 30% of all hospitals in the United States, serving primarily the poor) if FOCA becomes law. No one will suffer more from these closings than the poor, the Bishops say)

2) Partial birth abortions will be legal and have no limitations, removing literally 100's of existing limitations on the gruesome practice. If you don't know what a partial birth abortion is, and want a chilling experience...find out!

3) Federal funding will be removed from alternative crisis pregnancy aid centers that provide frightened perhaps abandoned women with an alternative to killing her their babies, while at the same time, all U.S. tax payers would be required to fund abortions on demand.(meaning any reason - or no reason at all is good enough)

4) Parental notification will no longer be required. This will mean that your 12 year old daughter, who can't get an aspirin in school without your consent could be brought, perhaps by school counselors, to have an abortion performed on her, murdering your grandchild and scarring your child for life, without your consent...or even knowledge I'm not kidding....this will be totally legal!

5) The number of abortions will increase by a minimum of 100,000 annually. We already have over 50 million to answer for Perhaps most importantly the central government will now have control in the issue of abortion. This could result in a future amendment that would force women by law to have abortions in certain situations (rape, down syndrome babies, etc) and could even regulate how many children women are allowed to have. Can you remember a time when Americans thought that these same laws in China were atrocious?

Catholics around the world are fasting and praying for 9 days for God to break into the heart of the president to not sign this terrifying bill. As the church there has not been a time like this, where our very words wage war in the heavens like now. We are living in the last days and as the church we are called in Revelations, Zechariah, Isaiah and many other books of the Bible to partner with Jesus to see His purposes come to pass. We cannot sit on our hands through this one and wait to be taken up. We will not go down without a fight and if you are not in the mood for a fight be careful that you are not swept into the wind of deceit that says it is all in the name of the humanitarian spirit and peace. That is a lie sent to rob you of your destiny. There is no peace without Jesus coming to judge and make the wrong things right.
We must wake up, step up and call forth those things that we want loosed in our nation and what things that we want bound. We want the revelation of Jesus and the knowledge of His will to fill our government. We want the spirit of death and murder to be bound from the wombs of our nation. This is a call to arms, take up your place of authority, given to us through Christ blood and pray for our nations and our president!

Update On My New Years Resolves

Well... I am two weeks into my liver cleanse and started by juice fast Sunday. I feel better, yet tired for good reason. My in laws are coming in town this weekend so I am going to cut it a little short for their sakes. I feel that I am motivated and can move forward with the food routine even though I wont have a full three weeks under my belt.

I started to de-clutter my home and made it through several closets and got rid of tons of stuff. My hall closet has never looked so bare. That's good because now I can store some of Shiloh's bigger items that she got for Christmas.

On a sad note our dog Dakota ran away on Saturday. Steven let her out to potty and she jumped the fence in like 5 min. He heard her and ran to get her but she took off. This isn't the first time but she always comes back. We looked for her but no trace anywhere. It is very likely that she was picked up by someone and I hope taken to a good home. She is a pure bred White German Shepherd so it is unlikely that she is left to wander the streets. We have left the fence gate open and hoping to see her again, but I doubt that will happen. So today I was sad after waking up and not seeing her on her mat at my feet. I hope she is well.

That is my little update and I hope that everyone is doing well on their New Years resolutions!

New Year Resolves

I have been skimming through friends and strangers blogs reading all about their plans and reasons for shedding pounds, reclaiming organization, daring to be different and letting go of control. I agree with all of them and yet find myself afraid of embracing them. I see myself now 15 lbs heavier than in September when we adopted Shiloh, mountains of stuff, too many unfinished projects, and a huge amount of self pity that is getting me no where. So what is my New Years Resolutions??? I want to resolve somethings. Here is my list of things that in 2009 I am praying with the good Lord's help will be resolved.

1) Starting on January 6th I am going on a liver cleanse that will last 12 days. This is to get rid of toxins that are stirring the pot of terrible symptoms of endometriosis. The last two weeks of painful days and too much prescription medication have told me that I am loosing the battle with comfort foods and loosing the healing that I have been given by God through poisoning my body. Lord give me the grace to push past food, see my need for You, and embrace all that you have for me.

2) After my liver cleanse I am going back on my stricter eating habits. Two days ago I was in so much pain I couldn't take care of Shiloh at all. I hated myself and Satan used it to torments me. I know that when I eat healthier and organic I feel much better and my episodes of pain are much, much fewer. This means that I have to say good bye to sugar and white flour. I am hoping that with the liver cleanse I will have less cravings and through prayer the Lord will help me overcome my addiction to food.

3) De-clutter my home. I need to reclaim the serenity of my home by emptying out my closets and cupboards. There is years of collected stuff that will never be used in my home and I hang on to it in the hopes that I will be creative and use it, or redecorate something to match this or that.... what a waste.

4) This is HUGE... I must finish my Registered Nursing degree. I have sat on the materials and motivation far too long. I have about 6-7 months to go on my degree and I really need to finish. It would allow for so much more free time with my family and a better income with less stress. Please pray for me on this. I have felt real war every time I pick up a book to study. The enemy wants me to stay in my rut and be away from my daughter. He knows that the more time I have at home the more I will pray over her, teach her, and remove his stumbling blocks.

5) Get a real schedule. Shiloh is well on her schedule and she does so good, so why do I waste my time? You would think that if I could schedule her I could schedule myself. Yeah, fat chance. But slowly I am going to try to get myself in order. Time with God, time to keep my house in order, time for my man, and time for me. A lot of time for my little angel of course! (oh and for my blog. I long to be a better blogger :-)

That is my list. Small you think, but each one is a huge step to more wholeness for me and will take me fighting myself tooth and nail to accomplish. If you think about me pray for me and if you see me challenge me by asking how my "List" is going. I need the nudge or the opportunity to praise the Lord in telling how I am overcoming. I have joined a blog group for support through my liver cleanse. It is a diet group, but focusing on why we are addicted to food and how to rely on Jesus to meet our needs. That I need. Tomorrow is a new day and I feel the need for something new.

2008 was such an amazing year for us. Individually we had to overcome some big hurtles. Together we embarked on a life long journey,and as a family we touched the heart of God and have gain revelation on a little of what HE feels towards us. I will blog on that next I think.

A Few Christmas Pics

Our Families First Christmas w/ Baby!

Our Little Christmas Gift!