Our Prophetic Journey

I love Wednesdays for several reasons. One being that it is the middle of the work week and I only have one more day of work. But the best thing is my time in the Bethany Healing Rooms at IHOP. I go for prayer to the healing room that is designated for chronic and terminal diseases. Since I have had endometriosis for over 11yrs and my friend runs it, I get in. Anyways. I love it because it is a time for me to sit in a quiet (well sort of) room with two good friends who are contending for my healing as I meditate on God and the word. I have never seen or heard more clearly then when I am in there. I am sure that is for more reasons than just the great company. I have receive so much revelation on myself, God, my issues, and Shiloh while in meditation.

This morning was no different except that Shiloh accompanied me. That made concentration a little difficult, but I managed as did everyone else. We were meditating on Ps. 103 which I love. There is so much in it you could spend a week on that one verse. Our second meditation was on verse 4 and 5. "Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies, 5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. "
The Lord showed me a picture or parallel of Shiloh and myself. God redeemed me from a life of destruction. Pre-salvation I was a mess. Abuse, drugs and alcohol, bad boy friends and a whole lot of bad choices. After I was saved self-hatred carried over into religiousness and illness made me bitter. As the years have progressed some of the things lessened as Christ washed over me with His word and others were hidden deeper. These are deep inner things that I know of and others may never perceive. God has redeemed me from all of it. He picked me up off a nasty floor one night as I had too much to drink mixed with to many drugs and managed to clean me up. He redeemed my heart and mind and offers renewal as I seek Him. There is no end to His redemption.
Likewise Shiloh's life would have been destroyed. Annihilated in the fires of abortion only to be known by God had He not intervened. God snatched her from death. We both have been redeemed and both cry Abba by the same spirit. Nothing separates us, we are the same. He is the same for us both. Our redeemer!
He crowns us with loving kindness....I have never felt like I deserved any crown. I was poor growing up, felt like trash and was treated like trash. But to Him I am redeemed and He sees me through Christ and I am a new creation. Self hatred is a terrible disease that eats away at your very soul. I have endured abuse and mental degradation that left me feeling lower than a dog and contemplating homicide and suicide in my teen years. I am for real when I say that God has redeemed me from a life of destruction. I try not to cling to, or even think about the past but its ripples can still be felt. We all have a past, some good others are not, but it shapes who we are. It marks us and sometimes it takes years to repair what the past molded into us. I went in to the works mentality that says if I do this then I will be worthy. I love serving people and I love hospitality, but sometimes I find I try to earn peoples affections. I am getting over that and I feel very free from most of this in this season. God did so much in me leading up to adopting Shiloh. I am so thankful that He, in His wisdom, opened my eyes to see the dark to escort me into the lovely. He would take me through my past during meditation and show me areas of self hatred, anger, abuse, and other events and show me where he was and how those things have stayed with me. Then He would touch my heart and I would feel burdens lift. He showed me over several months how I had harbored unforgivness and bitterness in regards to my illness. He revealed the very point at which I refused to "feel" anymore about it. I gave up. He walked me through grieving those years and gave me promises that I would be healed. He is gentle in His ways. Over the last years I feel that I can look back at my past without cringing and honestly say that I can see God's hand in it and now I am a different person.

But.. today God took me through a picture that encouraged my heart. Shiloh and I are on a journey because I have to know the Father and I have to accept His love and His kindness. I have been taught and I know the scriptures, but it must run through my core and come out no matter what circumstances arise. I must shed the old and continually put on the new because as my daughter grows up and faces challenges I want her to have the confidence and understanding of who she is in God and who He is for her. I saw Shiloh as a little girl and together we were standing on a small hill looking up at a huge mountain. I knew that it was a mountain that Shiloh would have to climb. Then I was gone and Shiloh was alone to face the peak. I started to cry. How was she to do this? I started to pray over her Ps. 32: 7 a scripture the Lord gave me for her. Then I saw that Shiloh turned, threw her arms out, and leaped off the hill into Jesus' arms. I cried. The mountain was for her, but when I am not sure. But this I know... she will know no fear and trust in Christ that He will carry her through. This is the legacy that I am working on and will give to her. It is a new generation starting in my family. A childhood without hate, anger, night terrors, abuse, and sorrow. I love how God redeems us from destruction, "So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. "Ps 103:5