Today as I walked into work one of the staff told me that there was an unfortunate accident this morning involving one of our children. Truly it was unfortunate although after hearing the story I am not sure that it was an accident. The two children were fighting on their dorm and one boy slammed the door on the other boys hand and it amputated his little finger. They took him to the ER however they could not save the finger. They cut the bone and created a little skin flap over the amputation. This little guy has had a terrible year and this is just the icing on the cake. How much can one heart take? How much can one little broken, RAD heart take? Will he retreat even deeper inside to dull the pain? I don't know.
He is one of many, whose parents abused and neglected him. His little heart shut down from all the trauma and he refused to be loved. He was abused in foster care and became a predator because of it. He was adopted by a family that wasn't quite aware of what they were getting. They just relinquished their rights back over to the state. So here he is again in the balance. His case worker has been changed four times since being here and when all this happen today there were no parents or loved ones to cry on their shoulders. There was just dorm staff. Now granted we love our kids, but when your finger gets chopped off in a fit of rage you want a mom, no matter how deep your heart is buried. Just yesterday he was telling our psychiatrist that he knows that he really messed up with his last adoptive family and wasn't sure that he would ever be loved. Then this happens to him. Poor "C", he never even had a chance.
I could tell you story after story like this and much worse. My job is a hard one and in some ways you have to become a little hard to with stand the demand that is placed upon your emotions and mind. If I were to let it all hit me, I would need medication myself. There are so many in my care that need more than this broken system and over worked case workers can give them. They need healing, restoration, love, determination, resounding affirmation, boundaries, and resurrection. These kids are made in His image and crafted from His dreams. God destined them all in the womb. It is unfortunate that not all of these wombs were the place of safety and refuge that they were designed to be. Oh if my womb could have housed them all. Oh if I would have been the one to hold them on that first day of life. If someone had cared enough, if someone had know how to love them rightly. What would they be like today? Who would they aspire to be in 10 years. One of the young men here says that he knows what he wants to be when he grows up. " I want to go to prison. My uncle did, my aunt did, and my dad did. You have to be tough to make it though. That is why I am here now". He never even had a chance.
Where are the mother's and father's. Turn their hearts to their children Lord!!!!! I am just blogging because my heart aches for these children of mine. My heart is also broken because I get so busy with paper work, logs, medication orders, and such that I forget to walk these halls and pray for them by name. I get so lost in talking to case workers and faxing consents to listen to God's heart for each of them. Oh Lord convict my heart again that they are under my "care". That while I am on duty I am responsible for them and to you for them. Pray for my children here at work. They are truly precious in His sight.
Blessings
April 28, 2010
April 27, 2010
The Amazing Creation
Last Thursday I was working at St. Joes' in surgery and had an interesting conversation with the OBGYN that I was working with. He and his son are in the same practice and are very good surgeons. We were performing a vaginal hysterectomy on a lady that came into the OR bleeding pretty bad. Once we got started I stated, " such a small organ to cause such big problems". I say things like that throughout procedures just to make conversation and sometimes I learn a lot more than I knew before. So in response to my observation the surgeon said " yes, but it is really an incredible organ". I agreed and also added that it is creativity in motion. We marveled for a few moments at all the things that the uterus and it's co horts do. Then I jokingly said " I bet you two wish you had one." This got a chuckle and then a resounding "NO".
I was listening to the bible on tape, the book of Mark, the part of the resurrection. The angels appeared to the women and they went in turn to tell the disciples and the men didn't believe them. In my head I was thinking "silly boys". Then I got to thinking and I put all these things together to ponder the amazing creation that the woman is. Here are my thoughts.
In the begining God created all things. It was good and he rested. Then He saw man and it was not good for him to be alone. So he created woman. Ok- right there I am struck with awe already and we are only in Genesis. Woman was the answer to the loneliness and the complete package of the perfect creation. The communion between man and God needed one more thing, woman. As women we were created to fill a void that nothing else in all creation could fill. Now I am sure that there are some husbands out there that would say ... "I would rather take the void", but God was pleased when he made us. That is profound. Though we were taken from the side of man we are created differently and uniquely. God didn't just put Adam to sleep to make a replica to keep him company. He created something very special to knit us together. I mean if you think of all that our little bodies can do it will make your head spin. Then on top of what our bodies can do think of all the things that we thing and do at the same time. We are like a circus act.
So moving on I looked then at several of the mother's of the faith. Sarah, Rachel, even Bethsheba in regards to the miracles that God performed through a woman. The promise coming forth from the barreness, seduction and sin redeemed with a son who became the wisest man on earth. Fastforward hundreds of years to a virgin girl chosen by heaven to carry the darling of heaven in her womb. We have a womb!!! A place were two worlds come together to make LIFE. It is amazing! Out of the womb came the savior of the world. Women that is amazing! God entered into his very own creation, under went the most amazing transformation from cell to form, to tiny baby born through toil and labor. It is divine. Fast forward 30 years and you see Jesus performing His first miracle at a wedding. What else speaks woman like a wedding? Then comes to a well to speak to a sinful woman that a whole village might be saved. Then in jerusalem He saves a prostitute from certain death and is annointed by Mary of Bethany. He frequented the house of Mary and Martha and I wonder if it was conforting to His heart to be around those woman? Then fast forward to the cross and His burrial. Once risen the angels do not trumpet his ascension on the city streets, but wait for those who come to pour love and frangrance over Jesus' body. Woman, those who tend and love well. Heaven entrusted these woman with the announcement that baffled the ages. Yet when it came out of their mouths, confirming the scripures of centuries, they were ignored. Typical. :-)
All this to say that I am always amazed everytime that I think on woman and our divine place in God's heart. So many times in the scripture a woman cries out and God meets her uniquely. I am blessed to be created a woman. I cling to the promises of Hannah's cry and Sarah's laughter that became a sacrifice for all of Israel. Though I wait on healing for my physical body, the heart of a woman beats in my chest. The heart that cries out for justice and prays with longing for fullness. The heart that will take in the stranger and share with the needy. The heart that would give my last cup of water to my child and pray for the rain. We were not a side note, but the icing on the cake of creation. Fearfully and wonderful crafted in the heart of God to serve a purpose and to give Him worship as only we can.
Blessings
I was listening to the bible on tape, the book of Mark, the part of the resurrection. The angels appeared to the women and they went in turn to tell the disciples and the men didn't believe them. In my head I was thinking "silly boys". Then I got to thinking and I put all these things together to ponder the amazing creation that the woman is. Here are my thoughts.
In the begining God created all things. It was good and he rested. Then He saw man and it was not good for him to be alone. So he created woman. Ok- right there I am struck with awe already and we are only in Genesis. Woman was the answer to the loneliness and the complete package of the perfect creation. The communion between man and God needed one more thing, woman. As women we were created to fill a void that nothing else in all creation could fill. Now I am sure that there are some husbands out there that would say ... "I would rather take the void", but God was pleased when he made us. That is profound. Though we were taken from the side of man we are created differently and uniquely. God didn't just put Adam to sleep to make a replica to keep him company. He created something very special to knit us together. I mean if you think of all that our little bodies can do it will make your head spin. Then on top of what our bodies can do think of all the things that we thing and do at the same time. We are like a circus act.
So moving on I looked then at several of the mother's of the faith. Sarah, Rachel, even Bethsheba in regards to the miracles that God performed through a woman. The promise coming forth from the barreness, seduction and sin redeemed with a son who became the wisest man on earth. Fastforward hundreds of years to a virgin girl chosen by heaven to carry the darling of heaven in her womb. We have a womb!!! A place were two worlds come together to make LIFE. It is amazing! Out of the womb came the savior of the world. Women that is amazing! God entered into his very own creation, under went the most amazing transformation from cell to form, to tiny baby born through toil and labor. It is divine. Fast forward 30 years and you see Jesus performing His first miracle at a wedding. What else speaks woman like a wedding? Then comes to a well to speak to a sinful woman that a whole village might be saved. Then in jerusalem He saves a prostitute from certain death and is annointed by Mary of Bethany. He frequented the house of Mary and Martha and I wonder if it was conforting to His heart to be around those woman? Then fast forward to the cross and His burrial. Once risen the angels do not trumpet his ascension on the city streets, but wait for those who come to pour love and frangrance over Jesus' body. Woman, those who tend and love well. Heaven entrusted these woman with the announcement that baffled the ages. Yet when it came out of their mouths, confirming the scripures of centuries, they were ignored. Typical. :-)
All this to say that I am always amazed everytime that I think on woman and our divine place in God's heart. So many times in the scripture a woman cries out and God meets her uniquely. I am blessed to be created a woman. I cling to the promises of Hannah's cry and Sarah's laughter that became a sacrifice for all of Israel. Though I wait on healing for my physical body, the heart of a woman beats in my chest. The heart that cries out for justice and prays with longing for fullness. The heart that will take in the stranger and share with the needy. The heart that would give my last cup of water to my child and pray for the rain. We were not a side note, but the icing on the cake of creation. Fearfully and wonderful crafted in the heart of God to serve a purpose and to give Him worship as only we can.
Blessings
April 26, 2010
Here We GO
I know that I said that I would up load some new pics, and oh how I have tried. I cannot for the life of me find the little cord that goes to our camera to upload. Well then I thought I will just take some with my phone and email them to my account. I took some pics but then my phone said that it was too full to send them. I deleted some things and then got he same message. So then I was like "fine..got to find that cord". I am looking everywhere...high, low...behind Shiloh's crib, in her toy bucket...everywhere and I have come to the conclusion that our floor must have ate it. There is no other logical explanation. Our floor randomly eats things and then spits them up later. Things like shoes, socks, bobby pins...etc.. You get the picture. Ha Ha..no you don't get the picture because I cannot upload them. This sucks. I might have to buy another cord to get you the pictures. Well don't expect that too soon. Getting to the store is an event that only takes place on the weekends unless the stars align just right for it to happen on a week day.
Anyways the real reason to post is that I wanted to ask for prayer for Steve. He has several interviews coming up and would you please pray that God would open up doors to the right police department for him. He will interview with Grandview and Raytown Missouri this week. He is anxious to have a job lined up for when he gets out of school and to be honest that would help me out a lot as well. I can cut back my hours then and relax a little more. So there you have it.
Blessings!
Anyways the real reason to post is that I wanted to ask for prayer for Steve. He has several interviews coming up and would you please pray that God would open up doors to the right police department for him. He will interview with Grandview and Raytown Missouri this week. He is anxious to have a job lined up for when he gets out of school and to be honest that would help me out a lot as well. I can cut back my hours then and relax a little more. So there you have it.
Blessings!
April 20, 2010
I know, I know
It has been a while since I have shown pictures of our lives and how we have all grown. OK, I know that although you love Steven and I, most people who read this blog want to see pictures of Shiloh. With good reason since I think that she is just the most beautiful little girl ever! She is getting so big and her personality is just as big. I think that she is under the impression that she is 3 or even 6 yrs old and can do everything herself. She is a wiz on any playground and given the right unsupervised moment will try to dart off in another direction. She is fast on those little legs believe me. Anytime is a good time to play outside in her book. She loves going to the park, the zoo, in the stroller, and on the bike as long as you are outside.
We are trying to get her to use two words at a time. Things like "hold me", "more please".... she will say one word, but looks at us like we are new people when we ask her to use more than one word. Like "look this has been working up till now, why ruin a good system". Oh well..it will come! Anyways, I will try my hardest to get some new pics and possibly a new video up soon.
Blessings
We are trying to get her to use two words at a time. Things like "hold me", "more please".... she will say one word, but looks at us like we are new people when we ask her to use more than one word. Like "look this has been working up till now, why ruin a good system". Oh well..it will come! Anyways, I will try my hardest to get some new pics and possibly a new video up soon.
Blessings
April 7, 2010
Shiloh's Story
Several months ago we were approached to tell Shiloh's story via pictures and the web to promote positive alternatives to abortion. We said yes and had a photo shoot and video made. We just saw the finished product and it is very sweet. There are many people out there that have been saved by God's grace and their stories are very compelling. I am so glad that we were able to be apart of this and I hope that Shiloh's story will touch many and change their hearts towards life. Before Shiloh was born God gave me a word that Shiloh would be one that would project the Father's presence to everyone that comes in contact with her. I pray that as people look at her picture and read her story that the Father would come through it and melt away the shame, anger, terror, and uncertainty. That He would replace all that the world would throw in their way with grace and joy that He will provide for them. Pray that this website though not outwardly religious (though it was birthed in the prayer room) will touch many and save thousands.
http://almostaborted.com/main/
http://almostaborted.com/main/
Getting Spring Under Me
Thank you for all of you thoughts and prayers in the loss of my grandmother. I appreciated them. With the weather getting warmer and the sun making it's appearance much more frequent it is easier to move forward and not dwell on sad things. Shiloh and I are trying to make it outdoors as much as possible and soaking in the smells of spring.
Easter was an interesting day for us. It was planned that we would wake up and go to the early service at church, then come home and take naps before we go to friends for lunch. Then we got a call that a friend of ours that lives in Israel was in town. She wanted to come by and see us before she left. I said great what time....7:30 am before early service. Oh... that is early I thought, but I love her so we said ok see you then. Well about 7:15 am my cell phone rang and it was the hospital. I was being called in for an 8:30am case meaning that I couldn't;t be there any later than 8am. That pretty much blew our little breakfast plans and church out of the water. Rose, our friend, came over and we chatted while I got ready. Then I got Shiloh up and let her open grandma's Easter basket that she sent. It was happily received with all of it's healthy snacks and bubbles. Then I went to work for a surgery that lasted till 11am. I stopped by my friends house again to say bye and she left for the airport. So much for a restful day. However we went to our friends house and ate lunch and watched Shiloh and her little friend Bella learn the right and wrong ways to go up and down stairs. There were some tears associated with that. For dinner we went to some other friends house for desserts and some Swiss Family Robinson fun. It was a pretty good day.
Shiloh is a very independent little girl. I say little girl because she looks like a little girl and not like a toddler. She is taller than most other toddlers and the way that she makes her way around the playground you would think that she was 3 yrs old already. We try to go to the playground at least two to three times a week. She will climb the jungle gyms and find the highest slide that she can and with a huge smile go do it without any help. If you try to help her she will wave away your hand and start stomping her feet. I do follow her around the jungle gym through tunnels and down the slides because I still think she is too big for her britches and would like to be close by when she finds that out. She loves climbing and is really good at it. Outside is her favorite thing no matter what you are doing. However I have found that I need to start letting her know that we are leaving at least 30 min before we have to go so that when I finally pick her up and head to the car the tantrum is a little less severe. She has been known to arch her back, kick her feet, hit, and scream when having to go inside. I have had to kick my discipline into high gear and tame the tantrum quick. I read in one of my parents as teachers papers to ignore tantrums. "WHAT????" HOW???? It is impossible to get a toddler kicking and screaming into a truck into a car seat and ignore the behavior. I think those people are the same people who are trying to figure out why their kids are in therapy now. I had Steven look up Missouri's law on spanking in public so that I wouldn't be called out without knowing what was legal. You have to be so careful about that stuff. Most of the people around here would probably call me out for not spanking her though. "-)
We went to the zoo today with some other moms and it was great. I haven't been to a zoo in about 4 yrs, and never with my own child. It was a strange feeling pushing my stroller along with 5 other moms and strollers through the zoo. We pointed out the animals to the kids and they starred and "ooo'd". The most favored attraction for them all was the playground though. They all begged to get out of the strollers and once loosed ran for the equipment like it was a huge ice cream sundae. Shiloh too headed to play and once through the first tunnel we all looked at our soaking wet kids and realized that a playground after a good hard rain equals very dirty kids. Oh well what can you do but grad a handful of pant leg, ring it out, and let them go again. It was fun to watch Shiloh with other kids. She has this weird thing about other people touching her and tends to scream at them when they try to grab her. We are working on this. She will blow you kisses, but by all means don't try to hug her.:-) This is a problem for some of her little friends who are taught by their parents to hug little friends. They just look at her like "what is wrong with you". While she is yelling at them to let her go. It is really funny! Anyways.
Shiloh did great and amazed everyone with her eating tuna fish and pickles for lunch along with Greek yogurt. I have to admit that she is a great eater. Then she grabbed another child's blanket and said "night night". Yup that is my child. It was a great day. I finished it off by getting a load of laundry washed and dried and my grass seed and hay put out. Now work and then tomorrow I start my 12 hours shifts. At least I am only on call on Friday and not Friday and Sunday like this week.
****One thing that I love for sure is when you have been out a little past their nap and you get them out of the car seat half awake and half asleep and they wrap their little arms around you and lay their heads on your shoulders. I could just hold Shiloh for hours like that.
Easter was an interesting day for us. It was planned that we would wake up and go to the early service at church, then come home and take naps before we go to friends for lunch. Then we got a call that a friend of ours that lives in Israel was in town. She wanted to come by and see us before she left. I said great what time....7:30 am before early service. Oh... that is early I thought, but I love her so we said ok see you then. Well about 7:15 am my cell phone rang and it was the hospital. I was being called in for an 8:30am case meaning that I couldn't;t be there any later than 8am. That pretty much blew our little breakfast plans and church out of the water. Rose, our friend, came over and we chatted while I got ready. Then I got Shiloh up and let her open grandma's Easter basket that she sent. It was happily received with all of it's healthy snacks and bubbles. Then I went to work for a surgery that lasted till 11am. I stopped by my friends house again to say bye and she left for the airport. So much for a restful day. However we went to our friends house and ate lunch and watched Shiloh and her little friend Bella learn the right and wrong ways to go up and down stairs. There were some tears associated with that. For dinner we went to some other friends house for desserts and some Swiss Family Robinson fun. It was a pretty good day.
Shiloh is a very independent little girl. I say little girl because she looks like a little girl and not like a toddler. She is taller than most other toddlers and the way that she makes her way around the playground you would think that she was 3 yrs old already. We try to go to the playground at least two to three times a week. She will climb the jungle gyms and find the highest slide that she can and with a huge smile go do it without any help. If you try to help her she will wave away your hand and start stomping her feet. I do follow her around the jungle gym through tunnels and down the slides because I still think she is too big for her britches and would like to be close by when she finds that out. She loves climbing and is really good at it. Outside is her favorite thing no matter what you are doing. However I have found that I need to start letting her know that we are leaving at least 30 min before we have to go so that when I finally pick her up and head to the car the tantrum is a little less severe. She has been known to arch her back, kick her feet, hit, and scream when having to go inside. I have had to kick my discipline into high gear and tame the tantrum quick. I read in one of my parents as teachers papers to ignore tantrums. "WHAT????" HOW???? It is impossible to get a toddler kicking and screaming into a truck into a car seat and ignore the behavior. I think those people are the same people who are trying to figure out why their kids are in therapy now. I had Steven look up Missouri's law on spanking in public so that I wouldn't be called out without knowing what was legal. You have to be so careful about that stuff. Most of the people around here would probably call me out for not spanking her though. "-)
We went to the zoo today with some other moms and it was great. I haven't been to a zoo in about 4 yrs, and never with my own child. It was a strange feeling pushing my stroller along with 5 other moms and strollers through the zoo. We pointed out the animals to the kids and they starred and "ooo'd". The most favored attraction for them all was the playground though. They all begged to get out of the strollers and once loosed ran for the equipment like it was a huge ice cream sundae. Shiloh too headed to play and once through the first tunnel we all looked at our soaking wet kids and realized that a playground after a good hard rain equals very dirty kids. Oh well what can you do but grad a handful of pant leg, ring it out, and let them go again. It was fun to watch Shiloh with other kids. She has this weird thing about other people touching her and tends to scream at them when they try to grab her. We are working on this. She will blow you kisses, but by all means don't try to hug her.:-) This is a problem for some of her little friends who are taught by their parents to hug little friends. They just look at her like "what is wrong with you". While she is yelling at them to let her go. It is really funny! Anyways.
Shiloh did great and amazed everyone with her eating tuna fish and pickles for lunch along with Greek yogurt. I have to admit that she is a great eater. Then she grabbed another child's blanket and said "night night". Yup that is my child. It was a great day. I finished it off by getting a load of laundry washed and dried and my grass seed and hay put out. Now work and then tomorrow I start my 12 hours shifts. At least I am only on call on Friday and not Friday and Sunday like this week.
****One thing that I love for sure is when you have been out a little past their nap and you get them out of the car seat half awake and half asleep and they wrap their little arms around you and lay their heads on your shoulders. I could just hold Shiloh for hours like that.
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