Feeling the Loss

My grandmother Dorthea Hoke passed away Thursday March 25th at 6am. Her funeral was Saturday, but I was unable to go back for that. This is very sad for me and in the last few days it is hitting me harder. I was able to go see her in the final days and she recognized Shiloh and me some of the time. I was also able to help around my grandfathers place a bit and got to the store with him. That was nice. He is very sad and exhausted. Please pray for him and my family as we grieve our loss.

More Bad News

I would love to give you a positive update on my grandmother's situation, but I am afraid the the latest news is as grey as the Kansas City weather. With all that has gone on since she had the heart attack last Monday I am afraid that we have had the hardest blow today. On Thursday my grandmother had a bad day and they felt like they should bring in a kidney Dr. to make sure that she wasn't going into renal failure. He did some blood work and a scan and noticed something on the scan that was unusual. This led to some more test and this morning the diagnosis was renal cancer. That's right folks, if we thought it wasn't bad enough, it just got worse. Because of the damage that was done to her heart and the fact that they are still trying to stabilize her, the possibility of surgery is none. She just wouldn't survive the anesthesia much less the blood loss of a tumor removal from a kidney and worse case a total kidney removal. The heart and kidneys are so interrelated that it would kill her to loose one. It is really in the hands of the Lord at this point. I am one who believes in miracles and my grandmother is as well so bring it on Lord!

My mom called me this morning to tell me all of this and she had the daunting task of relaying that message to my dad after work. The hard thing about it isn't just that she had to tell him that his mother has cancer, but that she would have to tell my dad this and then go to work for the night. She is a night shift person and my dad would then be left alone. You can imagine how my mom felt and how my dad is feeling now. Not too mention how my grandfather who is exhausted is feeling with this news as well. This is just not going well people.

My mother has encouraged me to go to Texas ASAP to see my family. Steven and I are trying to make that happen. I am looking for tickets to fly down there and also talking with my other set of grandparents that live in Tyler to help as well. My dileman well one of them is do I take Shiloh to see her possibly for the last time? I know that she would want me to and be very disappointed if I didn't , but an 18 mo. at a hospital isn't ideal. Plus the fact that when I leave it is very hard on Steven and Shiloh. Oh Lord...this season of my life is driving me crazy. If I don't get some sunshine soon I am going to need some anti psychotics. So my plan is to fly out this weekend sometime and come back Fri. My grandfather really needs some help and they are talking about putting her on life support because of how bad she is doing. So please pray for me and my family.
Blessings

Update on My Grandmother

Thanks you so much for your thoughts and prayers for my grandmother Dorthea. After I blogged last she had a very rough night and ended up pulling all of her IV lines, EKG lines, and the arterial balloon catheter that was in her heart out. She was bleeding all over the place and from what I was told it took the nurse's a while to get the bleeding stopped and her calmed down. It might have had something to do with the Morphine that she was given. Some patients become agitated as the drug is wearing off. That might have been why she went crazy for a time and decided to help the devil out. But now she has been moved to a private room out of the ICU and her vitals are stable. The doctors are still concerned with her heart function and before she is discharged they will get final readings on what her prognosis is and what types of life style changes are in store for her.

One of those will be to limit how much water and salt she ingest. This is because the heart has to work hard to maintain hemostasis in the body, which boils down to fluid balance. When the body is in good condition this is not a big deal and the heart performs it's task without a hitch. Since the heart attack my grandmother's heart is weak and as of yesterday was only functioning at about 20%. That means that her heart isn't getting the rest of the 80% of the work done to maintain hemostasis. This leaves a large portion of the work up to my grandmother. So less fluid and salt since those two act as antagonist to each other in the body. Less physical activity since that taxes the heart as it must pump more when we are active to get oxygen to all the parts that are moving, and more rest. My grandmother isn't the sit down and do nothing type. She always has gardens to tend to, cats to feed, chickens and ducks at the pond, oh and don't forget beating those snakes out of her pond. This will be a huge change in her life and I just pray that God will give her not only a miracle to sustain her life, but grace to heal and adapt.

She likes her new nurses in this other wing of the hospital, which I am hoping will lower her anxiety level a bit. Man I feel for those nurses and wouldn't want to be in there shoes at all. My grandmother is one tough cookie and I know that she is giving the nurses a run for their money. She will be seeing physical therapy now to help her re-learn how to get about with less energy. It really is going to have to be a new way of life for her.

Lord Jesus, I ask that you would come with healing and touch my grandmother. Restore the broken places of her heart, both spiritually and physically. Come and blow upon her that resurrection power that shot you out of the grave on the third day. Come and breath life into these dry bones of hers once more. Amen.

Please Pray for My Grandmother Dorthea Hoke

Friends, last night my mom called me to let me know that my paternal grandmother had a severe heart attack and was in the ICU. I was shocked and very sad at this. She is a very stubborn Cajun woman and was feeling chest pains throughout the week, but wouldn't go to the doctor. Finally my grandfather called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. The doctors told my grandfather this morning that there was extensive damage to her heart and that her prognosis isn't good. My mom and dad got in the car this morning and drove to Texas, where my grandparents live, to be with her. My mom said she would call me with an update to let me know if I should come down and see my grandmother.

I grew up going to visit my grandparents in Texas at least twice a year for a week or two as a family. My dad's parents are divorced and remarried so we spent time with each couple while there. My grandmother's family is from Texas and Louisiana, from Cajun background. That was a wild experience in and of it's self. Always great food and lots of it. I was allergic to so many things but one thing that I was always assured of was that Grandma Dot would make me a lemon meringue pie, hold the meringue. ( I was allergic to eggs). This pie was for me and me alone. I looked forward to it with such anticipation and usually cleaned it up in the week that we were there.

My grandma Dot is a gardener of a magical sort. She could have grown Jack's bean stock if it would have been real. She can revive half dead plants off the side of the road to flourishing and producing plants in no time. Her yard is filled with all sorts of plants and trees you feel like you should stay on a path and enjoy the scenery. She has lemon and lime trees, a peach tree that she found half dead that blooms in January and she picks fruit off in March. She always says that tree is "plum confused".

She is a "cat lady" but not in the dirty way. They stay outside and eat the left overs. Trust me these cats stay close to that backdoor. My grandmother isn't afraid of snakes or terrible husbands. She treats them the same..."you beat them with a stick till they leave." She has been married to Ray, her fourth husband for almost 20 yrs and I think that he is there to stay. He is a very nice man and treats her very well. A nice note to end on that's for sure. Ray was in WW2 and has thrilled us many times with telling war stories. He was amazing.

I remember roaming about her property and playing on the front porch for hours on in. I remember feeding her horses veggies and even a llama at one point. I remember going down to the fishing cabin on the river and going out on the boat with Ray to check the trout lines. There was a huge garden at that house as well and we always ate lots of Jambalaya there.

My grandmother's house still looks the same as it did when I was growing up except for new carpet and an additional room that Ray built. All the pictures and deer antlers are in the same place. My old photo's are still in view so as to embarrass me when Steven saw them for the first time on a family visit. My brother and I are the only grandchildren so when we show up, the neighbors come to see us and see how we have grown. When Steven and I went to visit they came to see Shiloh and how she had grown and I felt warm fuzzy inside about that.

I just got off the phone with my mom and my grandmother. They are keeping her pretty drug up and imobilized because they have a baloon in her running up her femoral artery into her heart to aliviate some swelling and pressure. Of course my grandmother is saying that the nurses are being mean and that she just needs to get up. That's my grandmother. She sounds very weak and my mom said that the nurse told her that she isn't out of the woods yet. There is talk of putting her on a ventilator to let her heart rest and to get more oxygen flow. I pray that this doesn't happen. Many people do worse after they are put on a vent. Please pray that God would heal my grandmother's heart. My mom is going to wake up early enought to speak to the Dr. in the morning and give me an update on the situation. I might try to make a quick trip down on Friday and come back on Mon. I will see though. I am praying for a miracle for her.

Grandma Dot, Ray, Shiloh, and Me in her yard

Blessings