Haiti 2013: Slowly Processing

  Several people over the course of the last week have asked me "how was your trip?" I know that they deserve more than "oh it was good", or " really great", but how do you summarize 10 days of sweat, tears, and a lot of mangos? I worked right up until my trip then came home and worked the very next day after arriving back. Then I drove 4 hrs to camp with my family and about 15 other people. It really left little time for me to stop, think, and really process through what I had just experienced. So I decided that over the next couple of days that I would blog and process through the days of my trip. This would give you the answers you deserve and serve as a release valve for me. This trip was so amazing and yet was so challenging for me that I really do need to sit down and not let it get filed away in the recesses of my memory. Before I start down memory lane though, I want to start off by saying that I am so grateful to everyone who gave towards this trip, it was a well invested endeavor for sure!

Anytime that you embark on a mission trip of any sort there is always preparation work before you set foot in another country. I know that in preparing for a trip to Haiti that there will be team meetings, fundraisers, supply gathering, packing, lots of emails, and lots of prayer. However for this trip, I realized that the last time I went to Haiti my child was younger, I was working a totally different job, and I was a few years younger.  All that combined was a bit of a challenge for me and for my team I would venture to say. I learned some valuable lessons on time management, delegation, and how to work gmail. :-) I was again so blessed and embraced by my family and friends from all over with love, financial support, supplies, and loads of prayer covering. Without this I would never have gone to Haiti, or been apart of a team that impacted so many lives. My team was composed of people from many states and very different backgrounds. There were three from Montana, two from Chicago, one from Detroit, and 7 from the KC area. The medical portion of the team was all from KC except for the Dr, who was one of the members from Montana. She came along with her twin 19 year old daughters who were amazing all on their own. This team was a blast and also jumped into action at the drop of a hat. Their were several times that I had to delegate a task to one or two and when I came back, they were all working together as a team to get it done. It was truly amazing!

Before we even left for Haiti we were being introduced and challenged by our first patient. We received a text picture of an ulcerated leg. It looked horrible and I was thinking in my mind, I am not so sure about this. Then we were told that the patient was a 14 yr old girl, distantly related to one of our team members who was haitian, and had been seen by Dr's in Haiti with no results. They were told that it was flesh eating bacteria and could we help? "Umm....No you didn't"....that is what I was thinking. Flesh eating bacteria is no joke and isn't something that can be taken care of by a mere oral antibiotic. I along with other members of my team looked over the picture and decided that we would assess the situation when we got there to see what we would be able to do. This is not the first time that I have been a part of treating a serious condition in Haiti, but Necrotising Fasciitis was a whole other situation. 

So first day in Haiti, we land, make it through customs without any of our medical supplies confiscated  and head to our compound. (The Haitian authorities did open several of our bags, but God had his hand on us and they didn't go snooping too intently) The ride to the compound was an eye opener to many on our team who had never been on a missions trip before, but my stomach was a little in knots about seeing our first patient that night. We settled into our housing, then the team started unpacking our medical supplies and re-packing them for our clinic the next day. I have learned over the years of doing medical clinics that when you pack, you can't put all your eggs in one basket if you know what I mean. Multiple factors play into this, 1) weight issues...some supplies weigh more and each bag cannot exceed 50 lbs. So you have to distribute the weight evenly in each bag. 2) Pack the things that you can't live without on the bottom of the bags and the stuff you don't mind losing on the top. That way when a customs officer opens a bag, your bag of suckers gets taken not your bottle of Amoxicillin capsule. So thus the reason that we have to unpack the medical bags and re-pack. So as we were waiting for our young patient to arrive, we unpacked and James and I went up the mountain to assess the first clinic site.

Now James Adams and I have gone to Haiti together several times now and I feel that we work well together. There isn't many situations where I question whether we can manage to get the job done. However when we were going up the mountain to get to the clinic site, I was starting to wonder if this would be one of those unmanageable situations. For starters, we were traveling on a motorcycle up the mountain, because trucks cannot make it up there well. Problem #1...how are the people and bags going to get there?  Problem #2 Some of our team members may not fare well on the terrain. When I say terrain I mean, when the motorcycle driver stopped and told us that we had to walk the rest of the way because his bike wouldn't make it. So James and I started walking up what seemed to me to be a straight up accent on a rocky mountainside  I will not lie, I was huffing and puffing. So half way up this slope, James tells me to take the second path to my right. "Say what?" Yup, that small, narrow path up the uncharted landscape of the mountain...that was our trail. Oh now I knew that this clinic was going to push the boundaries and physical capacity of our team. If I was huffing and puffing I was concerned about my team. Having grown up on the mission field with my mom and also being in YWAM I had been to some crazy locations, but this one was up there on my list. However I felt in my heart that we needed to give it a try because the people on the mountain side needed care and James told them that we were coming. So we surveyed the area that was going to be our clinic. It was literally a piece of land sticking out of the side of a cliff with only poles and tarps as walls, separating you from the edge. Okie Dokie...this is going to be interesting! We looked and discussed all the options. Safety for our team and for the participants was first on the list and also covering, water, and where were all these people going to go. After getting our plan together, we discussed our needs with the local pastor and he set to work getting our site ready for the next day. I wont lie, it was going to be a doozy, but I knew that I wasn't asking my team to do something that was impossible or that I wasn't willing to do myself, so I thought that we were good to go.

James and I returned to the compound and I met our first patient. She was a very cute 14 year old Haitian girl with a smile that would light up the night sky, and a shy demeanor.  Her dad had come with her and was also shy, but you could tell that he was praying that we could help his daughter. I had told my team that when they arrived to make the feel welcome and also to start preparing to assess her and get some treatment stuff together. You would have never known that this girl had a severe, life threatening infection to her leg the way that she carried herself. I am always amazed in other countries at the fortitude of the people who are sick and struggling. Here in the states a 14 year old would have already died if not from the infection, then from the lack of will to survive. In Haiti, struggle is a way of life. You just go on. You have a leg injury, ok....lets alter your pant leg with a zipper so you can get your pants on and off. It was amazing! 
So with my interpreter and my amazing nurses at hand, we took this young girl and her dad to a room and I was literally holding my breath. What was I going to see when she lifted up her pant leg. To my surprise, it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now when I say that it wasn't as "bad", let me put reference. It wasn't flesh eating bacteria for starters, but it was definitely in need of antibiotics. In the states this wound would need several surgical debridements and reconstruction, not to mention a long hospital stay with three times a day IV antibiotics as well as on going home health visits after discharge. There was a previously infected area closer to her knee that was scared over and firm, but there were 5 open ulcers that were pus filled and in serious need of treatment. I knew that once we started on this, there was no going back. I will have to say that one of the nurses in particular felt very strongly to proceed and because of her encouragement along with the Holy Spirit I felt like we at least needed to try to help this girl. My nurse friend Robyn really led the charge on treating this young girl and woke up early every morning to make sure that this girl got her IV antibiotics before we left for our day. She was very selfless and caring over this girl and I feel that God sent Robyn to Haiti to be this young ones angel. The picture below shows a couple of pictures of the leg, me starting the debridement on the leg, and my other nurse friend, Christina with this young girl. I will say that as we treated this girl, the God story that came about was truly enough for me to have gone to Haiti. We were blessed to have the right IV antibiotics, surgical and dressing supplies, as well as the medical knowledge to help her. Was it ideal, no....I mean we were shooing away flies from the wounds as we dressed them, but if we had not helped, this girl would have eventually lost her leg, or her life, and a family would have been shattered. 

Instead, her leg is now getting better, the mom and dad's marriage is being restored, and the love of Jesus was made known to this family. The dad told us on the second night that because of this infection and the Haitian doctors inability to treat it, that his wife had stopped speaking to him, and they were not sleeping in the same room. (the doctors had just given her Vitamin B drops and one Dr. gave her a dose of amoxicillin for it. That is not the right type of antibiotic for a skin infection. This is common in Haiti unfortunately) They had spent a fortune on doctors and this poor girl was in pain and had started to withdraw from people. No one was laughing or smiling anymore. After the second night of treatment the medication and debridements were starting to show real signs that we were on the right track. That news totally opened up the door for this family. The next day the mom came to the compound for the treatment. She was smiling and hugging all of us. By the end of the time there, these two distant people were smiling, laughing and working together doing the dressing changes themselves. It was truly amazing. We all felt the atmosphere changing around them as they saw hope again. It was tangible and I cannot express the gratitude of this family to you. 

The last night at the compound, this young girl handed out bracelets to some of our team. I thought, wow that was really sweet and costly for her. Then myself and the other nurses were asked to come into the dining hall. There stood this young girl's parents with a bag. They hugged us all and told us that they wanted to give us a token of love and appreciation  All the previous week the dad had been watching our feet as we walked and as we worked on his daughter. Then he went out and spent what little money he has on shoes for us. He bought all 5 of our medical team Haitian made leather sandals. I was beyond humbled and blessed by this. I along with the rest cried and hugged their necks. This was a serious jester of love and thanks that was costly and so tender. It truly was a symbol of the transformation of this family and reminded me of the verse in Romans 10 that says, " How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, who bring glad tidings of good news". We didn't do anything super amazing, we just used the skills and talents that God had given us, and showed the love of God to people in need. I would say that summarizes a lot of what we do in Haiti. We are not building 100 new homes or handing out $100 dollar bills, but we are using what we have to touch and bless people, all while trying to show the Love that has been given to us freely to others who are hurting and in need. So that is the beginning of my unraveling this trip to Haiti for you and also for myself. I will continue to capture the highlights of each day for you and I hope that you will be blessed, inspired, thankful, and maybe you will want to join me sometime!

Our last night with  this amazing family. We are all sporting our new sandals!

 

Where's Waldo?

Ever check out a Where's Waldo book from the library only to be totally frustrated with the fact that you can't find that dang guy? I admit I am not that great at spotting that red and white striped man amidst the overstimulating background. It might be my ADD or just the fact that if it doesn't come to me I turn the page and count the last one as a loss. :-) I think that is my personality sometimes. I tend to move on to the next thing before I fully process what I couldn't grasp with the last. Don't dwell on the negative... it will only bog you down .Call it my coping mechanism or just my way of not getting emotionally involved. It can be a strength, but it can also be a weakness. A lot of people have been asking me lately if we are still adopting, or where we are in the process. My answer is standard...we are still in it to win it! Well the truth is I am still looking for Waldo and just need to turn the page.

Life is funny and I have always thought that the saying "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade" was a good outlook. Well now I think that I want a juicer to make it easier. Anything to take the pain out of squeezing every lemon to get the last drop to make 1/2 a glass of sour lemonade. I know that sounds dramatic but this is my blog post and I will cry if I want to...cry if I want to.:-) Ok.... Many of you know that in August of 2012 Steven and I were matched with a baby girl that was then born on November 1st. She was beautiful, but due to circumstances she return home to her bio-mom on November 6th. You can read the post below to find out more details. I can tell you that in my heart I still believe that it was the will of God that she was to be our daughter. However, the will of God is still subject to the will of sinful men and it just cannot be so. He cannot force us to always make righteous choices for happily ever after endings.

In trying to recover from the trauma of that event and also finding some fairly serious health concerns and having subsequent surgeries to remedy them, I can say that I still feel a little like I am trying to find Waldo. For a couple of months afterwards I didn't want to adopt anymore. I was hurt and couldn't lick a wound that runs deeper than a failed adoption, but that runs a long 11 year struggle with infertility as well as the grueling task of two adoption and one very heart breaking failure. I was in my heart resigned to happily be the mother of one very bright, beautiful daughter whose light brightens our home and fills our hearts. I also was resigned that I wasn't going to be able to put my heart out in the open again if I was going to survive and be a good mother to Shiloh. However, there is a longing in my heart and a promise in my spirit that God is going to redeem the ashes and healing will spring forth like a garden in the desert. ( Isaiah 51:3) I want to turn the page and start looking again. In my heart I want 10 kids both biological and adopted. I want to push past the pain and hope in the promise with an unoffended heart, so that when that day comes I will sing like Hannah as she carried Samuel in her womb. That is my greatest desire!

 I don't really like to talk a lot about my struggle, but prefer to hold my head up and work to keep my heart unoffended and alive. Maybe that is because I know that people watch me to see how I will react. Maybe it is because I don't want my friends to be afraid to tell me that they are pregnant or to invite me to baby showers. It cannot be easy looking on from the outside of my struggle as my friend. What do you say? How do you tell me these joyful events when you also feel in your heart some pain at my journey? I love you friends and I thank you for your love, support, and prayers through the years. I think that you have all done so wonderful in making me feel special and loved throughout my journey as well as your own. I may have days and even weeks where I recluse myself a little as a wave of sorrow or longing washes over me. It comes and goes just like this crazy Missouri weather. One day I am happy and singing in the shower, the next it is 40 degrees and overcast in my heart. I cannot explain it, but I know how to walk through it. Bitterness is a root that grows up, but will also grow much deeper  under the surface if you let it. Time, prayer, and remembering the promise are my weed and feed solutions!

So where are we in the process.... Where is Waldo???  :-) Just kidding. Our home study expired so we are finishing up the necessary steps to updating it. We have been offered a couple of situations, but didn't feel peace about them due to the heavy risk they presented. I think that though we are in it to win it, we are also cautious to enter into a situation where there is so much in the air this time around. Call me crazy but my heart can only take so much. YES we still need finances (we lost about $1500 in the last attempt), NO I didn't get my puppy to fill the void ( he is just so dang adorable how could I resist), YES I am going to Haiti  (it makes my heart alive), and NO it isn't to take my mind off the adoption. :-) I hope that you read this with understanding and know that your friendship and partnerships are going to culminate in bringing home baby Cooper #2, and don't be afraid to ask. It takes a village for many things, and I for one am glad that I have friends to help me keep looking for that red and white stripes in this very confusing and overstimulating world.

Blessings