Urgent Prayer Request

Friends I am raising the level of alert for our adoption process to code ORANGE. For those in the U.S. that is the highest terrorist alert that we have. Indeed a terrorist has attacked our birth mother and we need to take our stand before the courts of heaven and call for justice!
Many of you know that our sweet birth mother became our birth mother due to sad circumstances. She has two children under the age of two and is due with our baby Aug. 17Th. Since her husband abandoned her she went to the courts to get full custody of her son ( her ex-husband's biological son) who has no one else in the world to take care of him but Danielle. She was awaiting the full custody status when she receive a notice that has devastated her and us. She was denied custody of her son due to the fact that she is in an adoption process with us. The state felt that she could not care for him if she was already giving up another baby for adoption. This has broken our hearts and has taken quite a toll on Danielle physically. She was taken to the hospital the other night with contractions due to dehydration and stress. That means that our sweet daughter is also caught in the middle of all this injustice.

To boil things down, if Danielle had chosen the culture's easy out and had an abortion no one would say a word. No one would care about the baby that was murdered for convenience sake.No one would protest her raising both her biological daughter and her adopted son. But Danielle, whether conviction based or not has taken a stand for life and choose adoption for this little one in her womb. She is now suffering the persecution for that choice with the loss of her son that she has raised since he was 3 days old. This twisted sense of justice that our government has is enough to make me blow a blood vessel but, we do not only speak to a judicial system here, we take our case to a HIGHER COURT. We take our case before a judge that "loves righteousness and hates wickedness" We take our case before the one who "sets the lonely in families" We take our case before the Father to the fatherless. Now this little 2 yr. old boy, Elisha, is an orphan drifting in the currents of corruption. He has no father and now no mother to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight. This is truly injustice and a jab in the side of the LIFE movement that we are so sternly fighting for. Danielle isn't a believer as far as we know and needs to know that God is real now more than ever. Let's not only pray that Elisha will be returned to her, but that God would do something outstanding and meet her. That she would encounter the FATHER of Glory and come into the kingdom because HE drew her with cords of loving kindness and tender mercies.

WE NEED TO PRAY. WE NEED TO TAKE OUR CASE TO THE HIGHEST COURT FOR THIS MOM AND THIS BOY.

Join us as we pray for Danielle and Elisha to be reunited. Pray for the St. Francis Children's Division in Kansas to change their verdict. For a righteous reversal and for Danielle to have her son. This is an issue of LIFE. Pray for Danielle's physical health, though not intentional our little princess is at risk as well.

PLEASE PRAY AND TELL ALL YOUR PRAYING FRIENDS TO JOIN US. PASS THE WORD AND LET US LIFT UP A UNITED VIOCE. HEAVEN HEARS OUR CRY AND GOD WILL BREAK IN.

Thank You

Totally Mortified

Tonight after talking with a friend I found out that I have become the talk of the town. I seem to cross boundaries all the time and don't have any where they are needed the most. I seem to forget taboos and often time am labeled a rebel. However this little incident for which I am rumored about is a funny misunderstanding that I find humorous and mortifying at the same time. Let me fill you in and then you can give me your thoughts.

My dear friends here in K.C., charming ladies who have walked through many things with me are throwing me a baby shower in two weeks. I am so grateful to them and am blessed really. Before leaving for our much anticipated vacation to Colorado they asked for a guest list for the shower. Now as you can imagine my mind was in the Rockies not in the Midwest, so my lazy self did what was easiest. I had an evite account from our adoption fundraiser that had plenty of email addresses in it and told them to use that. Well what I meant and what happened were two different things. I meant find the addresses from there, what happened is all 150 people on the list were invited. Simple mistake and in my mind "no big deal".

Well in the world of showers and such, that is a taboo. "Who does she think she is?" WOW!!!! " Did she invite everyone on earth that she knew"... OK well that my friends is where we are. You have been brought up to speed. I am the talk of the town.
I simply hate this kind of thing. I don't want a million presents, or money, or things. If I didn't receive one gift and 5 people showed up I would be tremendously happy and blessed. It isn't about me or our little girl. It is about what God has done and who He is. I thought that is what this shower was supposed to be about and the gift were extra. That is why we are not having games and why I am printing out a short story of where we are & how we got here. I am baffled by this sharp turn of events and miffed at the responses.

So what to do....Do I send out a retraction and let people know that it was an honest mistake and I am not a self-seeking, greedy person after all that I can get? Do I acknowledge the rumors and the tossed hair of a few people? Or do I go to my shower and pretend that I meant to invite that many people to celebrate a life coming into our hearts and into this community and say "WHATEVER" with my silent reply? I am truly baffled on what to do.
The social pleaser in me wants everyone to know the truth of the matter and for it all to be worked out. The jerk in me wants to find everyone who has an opinion about it and tell them what I think, and then the other personality that we will just call "Alice" wants to wander about as if I didn't know what was going on and be blissfully expectant just like every other mom around here that has someone on the way.

Well it is your turn to talk. What do you think I should do and to which personality should I listen to?

Another Wierd Dream

I have once again woke from a crazy dream about what could go wrong with our adoption and somehow I hear this is normal. The skinny is that my case worker forgot to tell us that our birth mother went into labor and called us 5 hours after the baby was born. Steven was away and my parents were in town. I scrambled to get everyone and everything together and then we got lost. We get there to find that since we didn't come to the birth, our birth mother brought our daughter into her room and was getting to know her. Then I woke up.

Well you can imagine what I was thinking as I opened my eyes this morning. I got up, got ready and headed straight for the prayer room. Once there I made sure the thank God for all his goodness and then prayed for our case worker to have peace, grace, and above all to not forget about us when the time comes!

:-)

50 Days of Prayer & Giving

I want to share what my friends, Daniel and Levi Liam, are doing in Myanmar in light of the destruction from the cyclone that hit in May. Levi is from Myanmar and God has called her back, as well as her family, for such a time as this. They have been in Myanmar since June and many things are in place for them to make a maximum impact in that nations reconstruction. You can visit their website and even give a donation if you wish at http://www.ilovemyanmar.org/.

The International House of Prayer-KC has called for 50 days of prayer and fasting for the nation of Myanmar and for the Liam family and I want to pass this invite on to you. Every Sunday service here at IHOP we are taking up the offering and giving it to Myanmar through IloveMyanmar founders Daniel and Levi Liam who have been on leadership at IHOP for the past 6 yrs. and Daniel is the dean of the Forerunner School of Ministry. They are providing medical care, food and water and the most important thing, they are putting the gospel into every hand that they serve. Daniel and Levi have also been granted favor with the government of Myanmar and are working side by side to make changes and laying foundations for prayer in areas such as government, education, orphan care, and building churches. We are committed to praying for the nations and when we cannot go to send whatever resources that we can.

Join us for the last 40 days of prayer and giving to the nation of Myanmar. Watch and see as God turns what was meant for harm into something truly beautiful, something totally transforming!

My Ode to Canada

O Canada, O Canada our northern border side. I give you thanks for the goods you bring to our lovely "America". You make the best maple syrup and your hockey is pretty good too. You take all of our hippies and ask nothing in return. O Canada, O Canada I give you two thumbs up. I only know 5 of you, but I would never give them up. Two sisters, one husband, and a friend you have lent to me this year, oh and of course I cannot forget my sis-in-law, she's a dear! O Canada, O Canada I wish you all the best, may your ruler "Jon Poutine" have favor on you all giving happiness and rest. And Canada ,O Canada I hope to see you next fall.

This was just a crack shot and my "Ode" abilities which I must say are rather lame. But I spent last night after work visiting with some of my favorite Canadians and it was wonderful. The coffee shops were all closed so we went to the next best thing, McDonald's. :-) We got hot chocolates and sat outside the coffee shop for a couple of hours chatting and catching up. It is so good to see their faces and to hear those awesome accents again. They brought with them some very cute baby clothes that made my day. Another set of friends sent a card with these ones, and it TOTALLY BLESSED US!!! Double back to you both!!!!

Well I must finish packing we are leaving in about 45 min. for Colorado for a week of R&R. I will of course be updating you and hope to also share some pics.

<>

Finally, We Have Contact!

I haven't written in the last week simply due to the fact that my frustration levels were at an all time high. I am sure that frustration added to two weeks into a 40 day fast wasn't the best combination but what can you do? I love how the Lord takes us to the edge of our limits and says "see here, this is where we are going to build the bridge of patience and endurance". You are thinking to yourselve "what are we going to build this bridge out of, I have run out of grace". Thankfully that is when He empties another bucket of grace into your soul and you can go on. I go into the prayer room and God speaks to me through the worship or the word and I get grounded again. I always am amazed at how far from faith I can get in a short amount of time. Will I ever grow out of this?
"This momentary light affliction" I have decided has become my motto. That and I am thinking about getting "count it all joy when you fall into various trials" tatooed on my forearm. If I would have acted on every impulse and called our case worker every time we thought about it, I would have been convicted of stalking. However I reserved some self control and prayed during most of my urges and limited myself to calling her everyday and , then after week one of nothing, twice a day.(crazy huh!) All we wanted was to know our birth mothers phone number(which she agreed to disclose for communication), the due date, and is the baby healthy. For two weeks I asked these questions and for two weeks had recieved no information. Finally this last Friday at 6pm I got a hold of our case worker and got our birth mothers phone number.(Thank You GOD!) I tried to call it with in that same hour and it didn't work.(Crap!) :- {

Now you cannot imagine,(or maybe mothers can) all the thoughts that have been racing through my head the last two weeks of trying to be kind but persistant to get this information. Everything from something is wrong with the baby and she's afraid to tell us, our birth mother has backed out, or something is wrong with the birth father not wanting to sign the consent. A million more thoughts and of course the enemy uses it as a torture tool in my dreams and now with the phone number not working my nerves and emotions are raw. "What if this is a cruel test from heaven to see how far I would go...like Job... and still worship God". I was starting to feel that if this didn't work out that I was just going to give up. Maybe this is the will of God for us. "He gives and He takes away". I know that sounds rediculous, but that is where my mind was wondering. My prayers were steady with "God this is my little girl, please protect her and bless our birth mother today". But the mind is a terrible terrain of raging wars between what we believe and what we feel. My mind has plagued me with negativity that I tend to give into with not much of a fight. I tend to resign to the worst and hope to be proven wrong. I know that it may not seem like much to cry over, but our hearts are knit with this little girl and Steven and I are so longing to hold her in our arms that the silence was killing us on the inside. We talk about her and also pray for our birth mother in a focused way daily. We were feeling so uncomfortable with the seeming unresponsiveness to our inquiries and frustrations that we felt a little crazy. Our baby was "due" in about a month and we had no information, or even the assurance that everything was still a go.

Anyways...

Well long story short, today I tried the number again (before I would dial our case worker to express my frustration and irritation) and the phone number worked. The same number that I had dialed the other day was now ringing and I was asking the Lord for the words from His heart and for a female voice to answer the phone. It was Danielle on the other line and we had contact with our baby! I asked her how she was feeling, how were her children and everything that is going on with her. We talked about the doctors visit and the ultrasound. We talked a little about her previous pregnancy to gain reference and then about the due date. Then I passed the phone to Steven to say hello and she asked a couple of questions that really put our minds at ease and we hope hers as well.

Going into this situation Danielle had already experienced an adoptive family backing out on her and she was nervous that it would happen again and she is not prepared to parent this child. So as I have been trying to get in touch with her through our case worker this has been pressing in the back of my mind. I would pray "O Lord let her know in her heart that we are still here". I sent a couple of emails to our case worker to tell Danielle that we are still here and hoped to contact her soon. So while talking to Steven she asked "so are you excited?" She hadn't asked me that, however the fact that I was asking so many questions probably answered that. Steven's little heart is melting for this little girl, however he isn't a huge emotion "showman". He said " yes, I am very excited. I can't wait to sit in our living room and hold her". He is truly ready for this little princess and he told her how he had grown up with only boys and is ready for a little girl. She said the husband of the previous family wasn't that excited, & I think that bothered her. So I hope these answers help her feel more reassured. It let us know that she is still a little timid, however I feel she is still committed to us.

I just feel more at ease if you will, having talked to Danielle. My heart is turning into this sea of affection for this little girl and the motherly instincts are becoming more real than ever. I hope I can contain them to a reasonable level so as to appear sane for the remainder of this process. I am so thankful to Danielle for choosing LIFE. She is pregnant in the middle of summer with two children under that age of 2 yrs, with very little physical support from anyone. She is undergoing huge life changes and hanging in there despite being exhausted. I am so thankful that though she knows this child isn't staying with her she is resting and taking care of herself. I am SO THANKFUL TO GOD FOR KEEPING THEM BOTH.

A few prayer request: During her last ultrasound the baby was really small. According to her cycle Danielle should be due around August 17th, however according to the measurments the baby is due late Aug. - early Sept. Danielle says that her last pregnancy was the same, where the baby was really small until the last month and the she gained weight. (6 1/2 lbs at birth) The doctor says that everything looks fine except her weight. They estimated that our little girl is only 2 1/2 lbs. Danielle is scheduled for another ultrasound for Aug. 19th (if the baby doesn't come before then) to make sure that the baby is gaining weight and that nothing is wrong. Danielle has said that she would like me to come to this ultrasound and I am looking forward to meeting her face to face.
PLEASE PRAY>>>>for our little princess to put on some pounds!!! We want her to gain some weight and for all of her organ systems to form perfectly!
Also pray for strength and grace for Danielle as she finished out this last month of pregnancy.

Weird Dreams

I have heard that women who are pregnant crave the most unusual things at the most inconvenient times for whoever is acquiring their desired yummies. I have also heard that pregnant women have very disturbing dreams that when they wake up they questions everything. Well I have joined the ranks in somethings of expectant mothers, though I cannot say that any of my cravings have changed except the craving for a little baby girl. :-)

Well yesterday night I had the weirdest dream that made me question what was real when I awoke. In short it was a court room scene where Steven, our case worker, and I were there to get our baby and make it legal. As people started coming in to the court room I didn't see our birth mother anywhere. Then the judge banged her hammer and said lets begin. I leaned over to our case worker and said "where is Danielle?" She said "oh she's over there" and pointed to an African American couple who were pregnant. I thought to myself what is going on. I looked at her and said "that isn't what you told us". (Now nothing against an African American couple because we were trying to adopt a little African American baby at first, however we received a picture of our birth mother who is Caucasian and have been praying over her and the baby.) So this was startled that we didn't know this woman and we are already so attached to our birth mother. So Steven and I stepped into the hallway and told her that these were not the people that she told us about and where was Danielle. She said that there was a mistake and that this new lady was our birth mother. Our heads were spinning but we said OK and into the court room. Our hearts were a little deflated after putting so much of our heart and prayers into Danielle and calling this little girl ours,to find out that it had all been a mistake. We were insure about what was going on but on the other hand who are we to pass up the opportunity to have a baby.

Well as she was still pregnant we didn't get the baby that day so while walking out to our car the scene changed and there was a table of gifts for our baby outside. As I looked out on the table our "new" birth mother put a gift on the table with a card. It was a little purse and the card said "to baby from your mommy", well the funniest thing happened in my dream. I became so irate at that card and that it said "from your mommy" that I said out loud..."I am not giving that to her..I am her mommy".

I tell you what when I woke up I half laughed at myself and then wondered was that true, "wait a second... is our mom white or black?" I couldn't remember for a spilt second and then I started really laughing at myself. I have our birth mothers picture in my bible and pray for her almost everyday and I couldn't remember for a moment. It was weird for sure.

When I pray for our little girl I always pray for Danielle, however I never say "in her mother's womb.., or with her mother". That is because I am speaking directly to God and I am claiming this little one as my own. I am her "mommy". I am in love with this little angel and want nothing more to hold her in my arms forever. I pray for Danielle as she will always be important to my daughter, although they will part ways for a while, I am sure that they will meet again. But when I pray I take my place before God and call those things that are not as if they are, because whatever we ask in His name...in faith...it will be given to us! That is a promise from One adoptive Parent (God) to another(me). I feel that this dream was to show me my heart. I pray that I will fall in love with this little girl and that she will fall in love with us. I have been nervous lately about this whole mother thing and hoping that I will be good at it. I feel this dream was showing me that God is knitting something more than just a little life. He is knitting together a whole family. I believe that God hears me and will answer my prayers.I am asking for my daughter and one day not too far away... I will have her.

The Last Few Days

For those of you probably wondering about news on our little princess, I don't have much in the line of new...news. I spoke to our case worker today to find out when we would be receiving the ultrasound pictures. As soon as she gets them, we will get them. She is also going to be putting us in contact again with our birth mother, which is a great thing. We will be able to talk to her about how she is doing, the doctors visits, hopefully get a little info on her last baby to maybe compare and get a little more clarity on when our baby is due. I want to keep connected with her and not just show up the day of and wait with open arms. So hopefully this week we will have another phone call. We are still working on names, however I think that they will be under wraps for a while when we do decide.

My heart is overwhelmed with all types of emotions and thoughts. God has let me feel deep sorrows over the state of my heart, my illness, and my loss concerning the past 11 years. I feel that I needed to feel those things to know the intense joy that will come with this baby. I am still ill and my body reminded me of that this past week. I told Steven the other day that I was scared that I might now be able to take care of the baby sometimes because of my pain. He of course told me that he would be there. How true, but sad that I wont always feel like holding my precious little one. I am still standing and contending for full healing on my body.

God has also let me feel a little of the sorrow of the day that our daughter will be born. Don't get me wrong... that day will be the most amazing of our lives thus far, but there is another element to think about. For a week straight all I could think of was our birth mothers pain in labor and then the pain of handing the baby she just birthed off. Now, I understand that she is detached from the pregnancy, but she is still a woman and birth is supernatural. There are emotions whether one wants them or not. If the circumstances were different would we be getting this little girl...I doubt it. This is a story of love broken and a chance for life for all involved. It broke my heart to feel the loss, sadness, and emptiness that our birth mother will have to over come.She is a smart young woman with two small kids and a whole world of uncertainty around her. I prayed for her that her time of mourning would be short and that God would comfort her.Thinking of things through this lens gave me a wealth of insight in to the heart of God in so many arenas. He is a Father, who gave up His Son, who then in turn laid down His life for ours. There is a dimension of love there that I have not even begun to fathom. There is something to laying down ones life and dreams. Pray for our birth mother... she isn't a bad person, she is brave and giving this baby a chance at a life she cannot give. That is a hard and weighty decision

The next week I was given the freedom from sorrow into joy when I began to feel the awesome emotions of expectancy. It washed over me like waves and culminated on the night that we found out our "it" was a "she". I cannot tell you what an excitement and joy that filled my soul. Tears rolled down my face as the case worker told me that we were having a girl and all I wanted to do was to call Steven and our families to tell the them great news. I wanted to go out and buy tons of girlie stuff and couldn't stop folding the few things that I did get as I thought of holding our little girl. This is the strangest thing...I can hardly comprehend my emotions. I am totally smitten with a little girl that I have never met and find myself thinking about her and praying for her all the time. Love for this little princess is building an island in my heart, and I think that I will call it paradise. :-)

Emotions are like the sand dunes in the desert or like waves in the ocean. They roll and toss and none are the same as the one before. They shape us and form us into the person that we ultimately become and for a lifetime they alter us in various ways. My prayer is that I will become a person who can ride these waves with grace instead of fear and with strength instead of falling apart. I feel that I am on that journey and with the help of God will come out a whole new person.

Happy Fourth!!

To all of my U.S fans I would like to say Happy 4th, or Independence Day. This is an exciting time for us to reflect on our founding fathers sacrifices to make freedom possible. That freedom began as freedom of religion though I doubt many in the U.S. recognize that. Most people, if they think of the reason for the day, will chalk it up to freedom to be who we want to be, what ever that looks like. Gays will celebrate the new amendment for marriage in California, while Liberal Feminists will celebrate the liberation from men and freedom to do whatever it is they think they want to do.

I am not much for holidays without meaning so I will think on the fact that a long time ago forerunners of religious freedom or rebellious church goers( however you choose to see it) set out on a journey for a new land and landed here. Through wars and revolutions, loss and gain we are now one of the greatest nations on earth. Despite all the weirdos who are lobbying for wicked causes I would not be at the house of prayer serving the Lord in the context of night and day worship and prayer, going to the nations and seeing God's amazing works if I were in China or Pakistan. No I am in The United States of America, the land of freedom. However free we are I am thankful. I am grateful for those first few who risked everything to come to this wilderness for religious freedom. So I solute them and I will blow up a few things in their honor tomorrow night.

My Family would always buy lots of fire works when I was little and since we lived in the country we would put on our own shows. I like going to the big shows now that I am older and married (less work and bigger bang). I think that it is nice to get together with friends and watch huge, colorful explosions in the sky. Next year we will be doing it with a little princess and I am very excited about that. This year as we are in the beginning of a 40 day fast the thought of going to a show is less appealing since I will do so with a juice instead of a hot dog and chips, but I am looking forward to it all the same.

I got this picture off the internet and it reminded me of home. So Happy Fourth all you Arkansas Rednecks. Go crazy!!

Crazy Video

For those of you who love to watch Chinese people do impossible things, check out this video:

http://www.sonnyradio.com/swanlake_0001.swf

I think that you will like it!~

Little Princess

Our hearts are swirling as we think on and pray for our little girl. We had thought about a month ago that we were going to get a little girl, however the reality of it is too much for words. I know that little boys are sweet, but a little" twirly"(my nickname for a girl) for our first child is precious.

We are so blessed and can't wait to figure out the name and start shopping for all the fun stuff that comes with a girl. Ok well I can't wait to go shopping. Steven is still as you know a guy, and well that isn't really his thing.:-)