I have heard that women who are pregnant crave the most unusual things at the most inconvenient times for whoever is acquiring their desired yummies. I have also heard that pregnant women have very disturbing dreams that when they wake up they questions everything. Well I have joined the ranks in somethings of expectant mothers, though I cannot say that any of my cravings have changed except the craving for a little baby girl. :-)
Well yesterday night I had the weirdest dream that made me question what was real when I awoke. In short it was a court room scene where Steven, our case worker, and I were there to get our baby and make it legal. As people started coming in to the court room I didn't see our birth mother anywhere. Then the judge banged her hammer and said lets begin. I leaned over to our case worker and said "where is Danielle?" She said "oh she's over there" and pointed to an African American couple who were pregnant. I thought to myself what is going on. I looked at her and said "that isn't what you told us". (Now nothing against an African American couple because we were trying to adopt a little African American baby at first, however we received a picture of our birth mother who is Caucasian and have been praying over her and the baby.) So this was startled that we didn't know this woman and we are already so attached to our birth mother. So Steven and I stepped into the hallway and told her that these were not the people that she told us about and where was Danielle. She said that there was a mistake and that this new lady was our birth mother. Our heads were spinning but we said OK and into the court room. Our hearts were a little deflated after putting so much of our heart and prayers into Danielle and calling this little girl ours,to find out that it had all been a mistake. We were insure about what was going on but on the other hand who are we to pass up the opportunity to have a baby.
Well as she was still pregnant we didn't get the baby that day so while walking out to our car the scene changed and there was a table of gifts for our baby outside. As I looked out on the table our "new" birth mother put a gift on the table with a card. It was a little purse and the card said "to baby from your mommy", well the funniest thing happened in my dream. I became so irate at that card and that it said "from your mommy" that I said out loud..."I am not giving that to her..I am her mommy".
I tell you what when I woke up I half laughed at myself and then wondered was that true, "wait a second... is our mom white or black?" I couldn't remember for a spilt second and then I started really laughing at myself. I have our birth mothers picture in my bible and pray for her almost everyday and I couldn't remember for a moment. It was weird for sure.
When I pray for our little girl I always pray for Danielle, however I never say "in her mother's womb.., or with her mother". That is because I am speaking directly to God and I am claiming this little one as my own. I am her "mommy". I am in love with this little angel and want nothing more to hold her in my arms forever. I pray for Danielle as she will always be important to my daughter, although they will part ways for a while, I am sure that they will meet again. But when I pray I take my place before God and call those things that are not as if they are, because whatever we ask in His name...in faith...it will be given to us! That is a promise from One adoptive Parent (God) to another(me). I feel that this dream was to show me my heart. I pray that I will fall in love with this little girl and that she will fall in love with us. I have been nervous lately about this whole mother thing and hoping that I will be good at it. I feel this dream was showing me that God is knitting something more than just a little life. He is knitting together a whole family. I believe that God hears me and will answer my prayers.I am asking for my daughter and one day not too far away... I will have her.
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