How We Will Always Remember 9/11

At 10:52 am on Thursday 9/11/08 our lives changed forever. After getting lost looking for the country hospital that our daughter was coming into this world at, we found ourselves waiting in room # 203 at Rice County District Hospital #1 in Lyons, Kansas. Looking at the clock on the wall was all that we could do as we knew that our daughter was being pushed into the world about 30 feet away. A nurse named Melissa came in the door about 30 min. after we had arrived at the little country hospital and with a smile on her face asked if we would like to meet our daughter." Our Daughter!" Those words stunned me yet they resonated in my soul. We walked through the labor and delivery door to see Danny's door cracked open and her mom's coming out with tears in their eyes. One said "she is beautiful" and the other simply smiled holding back tears. We were escorted into another room where the doctor followed us in. In his arms was a bundle of blankets and all of a sudden a little arm poked out. "Our Daughter". I sat in the chair as they handed her to me. She was stunning and all I could do was to break down in tears. I kissed her little face and told her that she was beautiful. I leaned into tell her that she was mine and I would love her forever. I was crying so much that I could barely see her through the tears. All I could do was to kiss her and keep repeating that "I will love you forever".

Steven's eyes had tears as he leaned over my shoulder to see his little girl. As I looked to the door I noticed Danny's moms watching us love on our new little girl and I feel that seeing us with her and loving her helped bring closure to their hearts as they were saying goodbye to their granddaughter.

The doctor relayed some of the birth experience assuring us that all went well and that our daughter was healthy. As we kissed her little face laughing and crying the nurses told us there were still a few more things to do. They had to give her a shot and take foot prints for the records. Steven couldn't watch as they gave her the shot but I took her tiny hand to my finger and kissed her head as they did what they had to telling her over and over that I was there and loved her. They gave her back to us and we took turns holding her until Julie, Danny's nurse, came in to tell us that Danny would like to see us. I was slightly nervous because I wasn't sure what to expect but we relinquished Shiloh and headed into Danny's room. We walked in and her family was around her as she looked tired but amazing. She put out her hand and I took it, then I fell on her neck and hugged her. We both started crying and I felt this instant connection and and also an instant release. I cannot explain it, for months as I have called Danny twice a week chatting and sharing life experiences, I have wondered what that moment would be like. She gave birth to our little angel and then we were supposed to turn and never speak again. It broke my heart to even think about it. Yet in that moment of tearful embrace I felt Holy Spirit saying it's OK .
This young woman had just given birth to the most adorable little baby ever and she was mine. My heart was overwhelmed with emotions and I was so grateful to Danny that I could not contain my tears. After a good long embrace I regained composure and let Danny have a breath. We stayed in her room talking to her mom and listening to how the birth went. I was sad not to be in the room, but hearing how well Danny did and how Shiloh came out made me feel a part of the whole thing. Shiloh's head was turned and that gave Danny a little run for her money at the end, but all in all she only had to push for 20 min. Shiloh came out and had a healthy cry. Danny hadn't wanted to see her but as they were taking her out of the room her mom encouraged her to just look at her. Danny said that she turned her head to the side and when she saw Shiloh she said "she is so beautiful". That made me start crying all over again. My tears were a welcome sight for Danny and her family, whose one desire was that this baby go to a family that would love her. Had we reacted in a different way they might have been worried. If was nice to be able to chat and love on Danny but I had this yearning to run to the nursery and get Shiloh so that I could kiss her one more time. I wanted to give Danny as much love and attention as possible so I wanted for their cue to leave. That cue came in the form of Sonic burgers and fries that her mom had gone to get her. So we said goodbye for then and went to get our daughter.

We took Shiloh back to our room and the love fest began. I think that if there were a limit on kissing your newborn and the penalty jail time, I would be locked up in a straight jacket for 100 years in a maximum security prison. :-) She was so tiny and so alert we were just in awe at what we had just experienced. Steven was nervous at how small she was but jumped in with all hands on deck to hold her, feed her, and to take lessons on how to change her. She was perfect!!!

We took turns holding her and we squeezed on to the tiny hospital bed in our room to lay beside her together as one family. She just stared at us and I was thinking in my mind, I hope you like us, because this is it sweetie. You can imagine how we spent the rest of the day. Hugging, holding, and lots of kissing going towards our new little bundle. There were also other fun things like the noise from the construction that made it hard to hear each other talking. The fact that we didn't get reception on our cells unless we walked outside to the opposite side of the paring lot and stand in the dirt. We were a little frustrated by the inability to communicate with out family and friends but what can you do when you are surrounded by nothing but fields and farmers. As I was making a call outside Danny's moms were leaving and stopped to talk to me. It was a good conversation but they also let me know that they love Danny and this baby and want the best for her. They told me of their attempts to adopt a newborn once and how the birth mother changed her mind and then their success with in-vetro. I could see how their experience was a factor in Danny's unrelenting assurance to us throughout this process that she wasn't going to change her mind on us. I was glad that I got to talk to them and when they drove away I was a little sad that they never held Shiloh. My emotions were all over the place that day and I think I felt a little for everyone.

It started to sprinkle around 3pm so our phone calls would have to wait so we decided to take a little nap. We squished onto the little twin bed and held Shiloh tight for our first family nap. ;-)

About 5pm we called our case worker again trying to see what was going to happen now and when they would be coming out to make things official. Since Shiloh was born at 10:52am we could technically have papers signed that day but at 11pm at night. I wasn't sure that Danny would be up to it then and wasn't sure that our lawyer would come out that late. With bad reception and having to talk in the rain I was getting frustrated. Joanna our case was trying to figure out what to do and I could tell that coming to a tiny town about two hours way wasn't really what she wanted to do at 11pm. I finally said that was fine that we would do it the next day and it would give Danny time to rest. Little did I know that earlier Danny called Joanna and told her that she wanted to sign ASAP so that we would know that it was done and that Shiloh was ours. So Joanna called me back and said that she would meet us at the hospital at 10pm. I was relieved though I had given her the option to wait. It was comforting to know that someone was coming. Danny and us had the same nurse so it was easy to keep tabs on how she was feeling. She was a trooper and was up waling a little and eating like a champ. When we had got to the hospital that morning one of the first things that we did was order some flowers for Danny.Julie our nurse let us know when they arrived and as well as when we could go see her again. All the nursing staff were wonderful to us. There was no weirdness, in fact they were all so happy for us they showered us with love and lots of free samples for Shiloh. This little hospital doesn't get many births much less adoptions so everyone wanted to know our story and to see this little one that was the center of so much attention.

Later in the evening we went to check in on Danny and her boyfriend Tobi was there. I had talked to him a couple of times on the phone but had not met him until then. He is young but very sweet and you can tell that he really loves Danny. As we were leaving I felt to ask him if he wanted to see the baby. I knew that Danny had said that she didn't want to but maybe he would like to see this little one that had been growing in Danny's belly. We escorted him to her cradle and you could see that she moved his heart. He stayed for a few minutes and then went back to Danny's side. We talked about how sweet he seems and how we hope that they stay together. About 9pm I called our case worker to see if they were on their way and talked a little about what would take place. She said that all the paper work was ready and that they also had all the papers for Tobi to sign. I was baffled, why did Tobi need to sign papers? I asked Joanna why he needed to sign anything and with surprise in her voice she said, I thought you knew that Danny says that he is the birth father. WHAT! We has thought this whole time that he ex-husband was the father and that since he was out of the picture that there was no worries. Now this sweet guy that we just met, who has now seen our beautiful daughter is in a position to reject our hopes and talk Danny out of signing. Every fear surged through my heart. What is after he saw Shiloh he went back and is trying to persuade Danny to keep her. What if he hesitates, will they come and take her right away...take her out of my arms. We don't know anything about him. Is he healthy? I went in and told Steven and his first question was, is he going to sign? From about 9:15 till the case worker got to our room we were on edge.

Our caseworker and lawyer (who are married) got to the hospital around 10:20pm on 9/11. They came in and it was fun to finally put a name to a face. All those phone calls and frustrations finally had a figure. Joanna our case worker is a nice looking older woman that I relate to that kooky aunt that we all have. Richard her husband is a laid back nice looking older gentleman that had a pin on his lapel of the US flag and the Israeli flag. They came in and right away Joanna started taking pictures. This became her trade mark for that night. She was like the paparazzi with that camera.

Well down to business right away. Richard pulled out a stack of papers from his briefcase and started telling us what they were and where to sign. The director of nursing for the hospital Lana normally got off work at 5pm however she stayed for us till everything was done. She was a solid beautiful christian who prayed with us and Shiloh right when she was born. It was awesome that God surrounded us with so many precious people at that hospital. As Richard was going over papers I felt this tugging in my gut, my eyes started to tear us and I did all I could to hold them back. We had about 6 documents a few pages long to sign.

Wavers, petitions, Kansas compacts and adoption notices, etc... They were going to leave them for us to read through and go to Danny first, however she was in the shower so we were up first. We each had to sign every document in several places with a really pretty blue pin.(so they knew it was an original) So at 10:30pm on 9/11 Steven and I signed for her officially yet they still had to go into Danny. They left us and I cannot tell you how tense it was in our room. We laid Shiloh on our bed and laid next to her. We started praying over her and just telling her how much we loved her. We starred at her little face and kissed her a ton. We looked at each other and Steven said it is all going to be over soon.

Well he was right. At 11:30pm on 9/11/08 our night nurse Connie walked in the door and as we both looked up like deer in the headlights she said, all the papers are signed. WA-HOO!!!!!!! I just broke. Tears that had been welled up or months came rushing out as I kissed Shiloh and said with confidence for the first official time You are mine! I looked into Steven's teary eyes and he said, you have a daughter. Oh my goodness friends it was amazing. Joy unspeakable filled that room as we gave thanks to God for all that He has done. Then in great fashion Shiloh farted really big and filled her diaper. She just let is all out. We started laughing and I changed her first "Cooper" diaper.

As I was cleaning a really full diaper the nursing director and our lawyer came in and again said it was done and that Danny wanted to see us. I was happy to go and asked if a nurse would sit in with Shiloh. Lana the nursing director said, no she wants to see all of you! I was surprised and looked stunned then I said Oh I need to put her in something cute then. I went to her bag and searched for something that was cute and that would fit. Well the "fit" part wasn't realized as she was tiny but cute was well accomplished even without clothing. We headed in and my head was high as I entered Danny's room to present my daughter to her. She held her and tears filled both our eyes. She looked at us and said, she is so beautiful, congratulations you guys. Her and Tobi held her and played with her little hands for about 15 min. Our caseworker was swarming around taking pictures like mad and Lana was smiling from ear to ear with tears coming down her cheeks. She hugged me and I felt in her embrace that she had been praying all day for us and or this very moment. It was perfect. I could not have imagined a better ending to the best day of all in my life thus far. We were a family, my friend Danny was well and her heart was steady. The hospital was caring and our agency lawyer and caseworker showed up prepared and it was done.

As we went back to our room to get ready for bed my heart was reflecting a little on all that we went through to get to this point, and thinking of all the formalities that lay a head of us, I was in awe that this day was finally here and I could say that it was worth the wait. I had been blessed on September 11, 2008 with a beautiful, healthy daughter. That is how I will always remember 9/11.