Feeling the Loss

My grandmother Dorthea Hoke passed away Thursday March 25th at 6am. Her funeral was Saturday, but I was unable to go back for that. This is very sad for me and in the last few days it is hitting me harder. I was able to go see her in the final days and she recognized Shiloh and me some of the time. I was also able to help around my grandfathers place a bit and got to the store with him. That was nice. He is very sad and exhausted. Please pray for him and my family as we grieve our loss.

More Bad News

I would love to give you a positive update on my grandmother's situation, but I am afraid the the latest news is as grey as the Kansas City weather. With all that has gone on since she had the heart attack last Monday I am afraid that we have had the hardest blow today. On Thursday my grandmother had a bad day and they felt like they should bring in a kidney Dr. to make sure that she wasn't going into renal failure. He did some blood work and a scan and noticed something on the scan that was unusual. This led to some more test and this morning the diagnosis was renal cancer. That's right folks, if we thought it wasn't bad enough, it just got worse. Because of the damage that was done to her heart and the fact that they are still trying to stabilize her, the possibility of surgery is none. She just wouldn't survive the anesthesia much less the blood loss of a tumor removal from a kidney and worse case a total kidney removal. The heart and kidneys are so interrelated that it would kill her to loose one. It is really in the hands of the Lord at this point. I am one who believes in miracles and my grandmother is as well so bring it on Lord!

My mom called me this morning to tell me all of this and she had the daunting task of relaying that message to my dad after work. The hard thing about it isn't just that she had to tell him that his mother has cancer, but that she would have to tell my dad this and then go to work for the night. She is a night shift person and my dad would then be left alone. You can imagine how my mom felt and how my dad is feeling now. Not too mention how my grandfather who is exhausted is feeling with this news as well. This is just not going well people.

My mother has encouraged me to go to Texas ASAP to see my family. Steven and I are trying to make that happen. I am looking for tickets to fly down there and also talking with my other set of grandparents that live in Tyler to help as well. My dileman well one of them is do I take Shiloh to see her possibly for the last time? I know that she would want me to and be very disappointed if I didn't , but an 18 mo. at a hospital isn't ideal. Plus the fact that when I leave it is very hard on Steven and Shiloh. Oh Lord...this season of my life is driving me crazy. If I don't get some sunshine soon I am going to need some anti psychotics. So my plan is to fly out this weekend sometime and come back Fri. My grandfather really needs some help and they are talking about putting her on life support because of how bad she is doing. So please pray for me and my family.
Blessings

Update on My Grandmother

Thanks you so much for your thoughts and prayers for my grandmother Dorthea. After I blogged last she had a very rough night and ended up pulling all of her IV lines, EKG lines, and the arterial balloon catheter that was in her heart out. She was bleeding all over the place and from what I was told it took the nurse's a while to get the bleeding stopped and her calmed down. It might have had something to do with the Morphine that she was given. Some patients become agitated as the drug is wearing off. That might have been why she went crazy for a time and decided to help the devil out. But now she has been moved to a private room out of the ICU and her vitals are stable. The doctors are still concerned with her heart function and before she is discharged they will get final readings on what her prognosis is and what types of life style changes are in store for her.

One of those will be to limit how much water and salt she ingest. This is because the heart has to work hard to maintain hemostasis in the body, which boils down to fluid balance. When the body is in good condition this is not a big deal and the heart performs it's task without a hitch. Since the heart attack my grandmother's heart is weak and as of yesterday was only functioning at about 20%. That means that her heart isn't getting the rest of the 80% of the work done to maintain hemostasis. This leaves a large portion of the work up to my grandmother. So less fluid and salt since those two act as antagonist to each other in the body. Less physical activity since that taxes the heart as it must pump more when we are active to get oxygen to all the parts that are moving, and more rest. My grandmother isn't the sit down and do nothing type. She always has gardens to tend to, cats to feed, chickens and ducks at the pond, oh and don't forget beating those snakes out of her pond. This will be a huge change in her life and I just pray that God will give her not only a miracle to sustain her life, but grace to heal and adapt.

She likes her new nurses in this other wing of the hospital, which I am hoping will lower her anxiety level a bit. Man I feel for those nurses and wouldn't want to be in there shoes at all. My grandmother is one tough cookie and I know that she is giving the nurses a run for their money. She will be seeing physical therapy now to help her re-learn how to get about with less energy. It really is going to have to be a new way of life for her.

Lord Jesus, I ask that you would come with healing and touch my grandmother. Restore the broken places of her heart, both spiritually and physically. Come and blow upon her that resurrection power that shot you out of the grave on the third day. Come and breath life into these dry bones of hers once more. Amen.

Please Pray for My Grandmother Dorthea Hoke

Friends, last night my mom called me to let me know that my paternal grandmother had a severe heart attack and was in the ICU. I was shocked and very sad at this. She is a very stubborn Cajun woman and was feeling chest pains throughout the week, but wouldn't go to the doctor. Finally my grandfather called an ambulance to take her to the hospital. The doctors told my grandfather this morning that there was extensive damage to her heart and that her prognosis isn't good. My mom and dad got in the car this morning and drove to Texas, where my grandparents live, to be with her. My mom said she would call me with an update to let me know if I should come down and see my grandmother.

I grew up going to visit my grandparents in Texas at least twice a year for a week or two as a family. My dad's parents are divorced and remarried so we spent time with each couple while there. My grandmother's family is from Texas and Louisiana, from Cajun background. That was a wild experience in and of it's self. Always great food and lots of it. I was allergic to so many things but one thing that I was always assured of was that Grandma Dot would make me a lemon meringue pie, hold the meringue. ( I was allergic to eggs). This pie was for me and me alone. I looked forward to it with such anticipation and usually cleaned it up in the week that we were there.

My grandma Dot is a gardener of a magical sort. She could have grown Jack's bean stock if it would have been real. She can revive half dead plants off the side of the road to flourishing and producing plants in no time. Her yard is filled with all sorts of plants and trees you feel like you should stay on a path and enjoy the scenery. She has lemon and lime trees, a peach tree that she found half dead that blooms in January and she picks fruit off in March. She always says that tree is "plum confused".

She is a "cat lady" but not in the dirty way. They stay outside and eat the left overs. Trust me these cats stay close to that backdoor. My grandmother isn't afraid of snakes or terrible husbands. She treats them the same..."you beat them with a stick till they leave." She has been married to Ray, her fourth husband for almost 20 yrs and I think that he is there to stay. He is a very nice man and treats her very well. A nice note to end on that's for sure. Ray was in WW2 and has thrilled us many times with telling war stories. He was amazing.

I remember roaming about her property and playing on the front porch for hours on in. I remember feeding her horses veggies and even a llama at one point. I remember going down to the fishing cabin on the river and going out on the boat with Ray to check the trout lines. There was a huge garden at that house as well and we always ate lots of Jambalaya there.

My grandmother's house still looks the same as it did when I was growing up except for new carpet and an additional room that Ray built. All the pictures and deer antlers are in the same place. My old photo's are still in view so as to embarrass me when Steven saw them for the first time on a family visit. My brother and I are the only grandchildren so when we show up, the neighbors come to see us and see how we have grown. When Steven and I went to visit they came to see Shiloh and how she had grown and I felt warm fuzzy inside about that.

I just got off the phone with my mom and my grandmother. They are keeping her pretty drug up and imobilized because they have a baloon in her running up her femoral artery into her heart to aliviate some swelling and pressure. Of course my grandmother is saying that the nurses are being mean and that she just needs to get up. That's my grandmother. She sounds very weak and my mom said that the nurse told her that she isn't out of the woods yet. There is talk of putting her on a ventilator to let her heart rest and to get more oxygen flow. I pray that this doesn't happen. Many people do worse after they are put on a vent. Please pray that God would heal my grandmother's heart. My mom is going to wake up early enought to speak to the Dr. in the morning and give me an update on the situation. I might try to make a quick trip down on Friday and come back on Mon. I will see though. I am praying for a miracle for her.

Grandma Dot, Ray, Shiloh, and Me in her yard

Blessings

Cooper Family Update

Hello friends and family, I am so thankful that you still read this blog an care about our family. Sometimes with our crazy work schedule I find it hard to keep up with FB and a blog and email. But I wanted to update everyone on where we are and what we are looking forward to.

Steven: Steven is doing well in the police academy and is acing his test. They are doing some hands on things like arresting people and learning how to pull cars over. He does PT three times a week for a couple of hours and then they do "defensive tactics" two times a week. He will start going to the shooting range as well soon which for a guys is a major highlight. He is also required to complete so many hours of "ride alongs" with police officers that he is trying to fit into his already jammed schedule. He might have to schedule them at night or in the early morning hours which will be challanging. But you have to do what you have to do.

His online class is pretty demanding but he is making it and can't wait till his spring break. It is a constitutional law class that he has to write several papers and post online for. Steven is actually a really good write and even is English professor father commented on his excellent writing skills. It is so weird to see Steven sitting at the kitchen table drawing out crime scenes. It is a season and a whole new world that we are walking into. Steven will turn some police applications in soon so if you think of him say a little prayer that he will have a job lined up for June.

Kristi: Surgery is getting a little easier as I am remembering more and more. I actually had a terrible day last week and thought to myself what are you doing here. It was just one of those days where I couldn't remember anything. Oh those learning curves. For me it is such a transition from my other job to be in a hospital for 1, and 2 those long 12 hr shifts. You really have to work up the endurance for that. My mother in law was in town last weekend and took me scrub shopping. I got some new water resistant pants that turned out to be a life saver in one of my cases. Blood splattered all over my lower half and just ran right off my new pants. I was so happy. Taking call every Friday nights has made for some very long shifts though. Sometimes I have to work from 7am to midnight or later and still might get called in during the middle of the night. Oh you have to love this season that we are in. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel though and I am truly learning and also grateful. This last few months has really motivated me to press in and get my schooling done. It is time and I feel that 2010 is a year of completion for us in many ways. So I have started working on my homework again and hope to be doing my clinical my Christmas. I went to Haiti in Jan. with a medical relief team and hope that I will be able to go again some time this year. Our ministry is building a free standing medical clinic there and also going to start helping people and orphanages rebuild. I feel so alive when I am on the mission field and one day I hope to take my kids like my mom took me. It is in our blood. Every generation of our family has had at least one full or part time missionary in it.

Shiloh: It never ceases to amaze me how fast time passes. Now that we have Shiloh in our lives we can see the time go by faster in how fast she grows and how much she talks. :-) When I am around other kids her age I am amazed at how many words she says and how well she communicates. We read a lot of books and she is obsessed with books. My friend is giving us a little play kitchen that I think will become a new favorite toy as well. She has about 7 words that she says very well and at least that many signs that she uses. Our live in babysitter also works with her teaching her new signs. They get a long well and I am so thankful for her. She works for us around 34 hrs a week and usually goes to friends houses or something on the weekends so that we have our house and family to ourselves. She is such a blessing.

Little Shiloh has a little temper though. If you tell her no, or take something away from her she will yell at you. It is cute, but we have to really discipline her on it. She did it to our neighbor the other day when she took a picture frame away from her. I think that it shocked our neighbor and it sure embarrassed me. Oh well, that is was the "switch" is for. Poor little Shiloh, she is just so passionate and thinks that she is so much bigger than she really is. We are so in love with her sometimes it is hard to do the right thing. :-)

Future: We are really praying that God will open doors for Steven to get a job. That will determine a lot. My job situation, schooling for me, another adoption, insurance for us, etc.... He is ready to step into his "man" role and also to go on the journey of where is God calling him to be and what is He wanting him to do. We really want to adopt again, but it isn't the season. We are almost finished with our kitchen remodel and want to do a few more things to the house this spring, but again something needs to happen with Steven's job. We are hoping to go somewhere for our 10th year anniversary and are praying that God will open something up for that as well. Since Steven and I only see each other two days a week we really want to be able to have a nice anniversary and want to recommit ourselves and our family to the Lord for the next ten years.

Well that is the short of it all. Not to exciting. We are in transition and the only and best way to be in transition is with your seat belts fastened and your hands and heart open. (Kind of like a roller coaster.:-)

A Shiloh Update

Just thought that I would update everyone on how our little princess is doing. She is now 17 mo old as of this week and sometimes I feel as though she is already 2yrs. She talks all the time and is saying so many words now. She can say "baby, hi, bye, apple, birds, see you, shoe, hat" and is trying to say "love you and her ABC's" She can sign more words than that to let you know what she wants and can also beg with the best. When her picture is on the computer or she goes to the mirror she says "Shiloh" and sometimes kisses her reflection. She helps me get her dressed and knows very well what bye bye means. She will say "bye" and then wave and blow kisses to you as you go. She runs super fast and loves to dance and sing. She loves to look at her books and try to tell you what they are saying. She is so energetic sometimes I am worn out before I even get to work after watching her. I love seeing how she is growing up. She is so amazing and everyday I learn something new about love and being a mom.

She is growing up so fastas you can see from the pictures below that her "baby" features are almost gone and my little girl has emerged.

Haiti Recap

When I heard about the earthquake just hours after it happened, I knew that I would be going. I knew that God would make a way for me to go and to help those that He has joined my heart to. It was a matter of getting there and what to do. I never expected that God would deliver into my hands a capable team and a divine invitation to reshape a nation. But that is what God is looking for right now. People to partner with Him to rebuild and to reshape. I want to be a part of that dream of His heart however I can.

When we first arrived in Haiti it was getting dark and as we where driving I was seeing glimpses of destroyed buildings. My heart sank as we passed some of these buildings and could smell death. Wednesday morning as we set out for Carrefoure I was crushed to see these glimpses full on. Every other building was collapsed on top of another. Piles of concrete, re-bar, and electrical wires lined the streets. Personal belongings like one shoe or a doll lay in the road, and people were walking around with blank stares on their faces. It was a sight that no one can prepare you for. I felt like I was on a Hollywood movie set and any minute someone would yell "cut", but no such luck is in store for the Haitian people. Instead they are rolling around huge boulders of concrete and chipping at remnants of their homes with simple hammers. Some of these people are aimlessly working because that is all they can do. Others are trying to get to their loved ones bodies that are still buried beneath. In many cases it is their children and wives that they are struggling to reclaim. Again and again the earth has quaked since that fateful Tuesday with after shocks and smaller earth quakes. Every time sealing fear and terror in their hearts of a people that already had to survive day by day. The blank look on the faces of Haiti speaks louder to my heart than the images of destruction.

The area that was hit hardest was of course the poorer areas. Downtown was almost unrecognizable to me. So many buildings, homes, and Churches were totally collapsed. I cannot imagine how this nation feels in he realization that to rebuild will take not months, but many, many years. Where will they live, what will they do for work, and on and on. Many people are seeking refuge in their home villages after loosing their homes and families. Some of these that are fleeing Port-au-Prince haven't been back to their villages for decades. This creates another problem for these smaller villages in having to house and provide for a growing number of poor and injured refugees. Hospitals are over run, clinics are under supplied and many just wait for the inevitable to happen. It is truly sad.

My team had the privilege of going into what are being termed as "tent cities". This is more like a refugee camp with make shift tents compiled of bed linens and twine. Some people are luck enough to have a tent, but most just pull together what ever they can find. These tent cities are springing up everywhere there is space. Soccer fields, school yards, even the medians of the highways. Most of these people have lost their homes or are afraid to re-enter them. So many people are paralyzed with fear that they will not even go back to their homes to check on them or to get their stuff. For many that have loved ones still buried in their homes, going back isn't an option. We saw many wounded that had not received any care since the initial medical care days after the quake. This meant that their dressings were dirty and their wounds infected. Our team decided to stay in Carrefoure for three days to make sure that these people received follow up care until the next team arrived. The needs were so great and the days were so long. We saw both adults and children with the occasional pregnant mother. The Lord prepared our team well in that we had nurses that were trained in the E.R, Pediatrics and Burns, Adult Med, and Labor and Delivery. I couldn't have picked a better mix of people to come. We worked from 8:30am -6pm with a 30 min lunch in between. We saw respitory illnesses in most everyone and lots of skin infections. So many people are troubled physically and emotionally and it was hard to differentiate the two. When you are emotionally troubled your physical bodies will display symptoms. We would see each patient treat the symptoms and then send them to our pastoral care people to pray with them and listen to their stories. You could see the relief on their faces as they talked and prayed. It was more important than the medical aspect in my opinion. We saw 14 people in 5 days come to the Lord and many left our clinic with a sense of peace that will help carry them through this ordeal. We were able to clean up a traumatic amputation of a hand on a 15 year old girl and debride a 9 year old boys ankle abscess so that he could walk again. We sutured a 5 year olds head laceration, and delivered a womans first baby on a storage room floor. We had in our hands enough antibiotics to treat almost everyone and were able to give the patients pain medicines while we worked on their injuries. All that was possible because of generous donations from those in our communities here that desired to help the people of Haiti. It was intense and sad and I will share more in another post, but I wanted to first express my heart of what I saw. There are so many images and sad sights to process through.

But there is hope in the midst of this sadness. I watched as Haitian helped Haitian clearing away rubble. This isn't something that you would normally see. In a world where you survive or die, there are not many "community sentiments." But when you ask a Haitian what he thinks will come of all this one of his answers will be "it will bring us together like never before." This is what I heard over and over. This is a new perspective. Suddenly this nation that is so consumed with living for the now must think forward and they realize that they cannot do this on their own. This is the opportunity for the church to shine. To offer your last meal and to pray in the next. To see your own lack and yet give with a cheerful heart. To lay your hand on the sick and to see God's wonder at work. This will be the bride in Haiti's finest hour. We as fellow heirs need to help lead them into glory. Praying for them, reaching out to their communities beyond just relief work. If we all put our heart and soul into helping these people see Jesus, then a nation once ruled by darkness can finally be restored to light.

Haiti Update

Friends- I am home and very tired. I hit the ground running with work and have had little time or energy to email or load pictures. However today I am trying to get caught up on all that to share with you what God has and is doing in Haiti. I am currently working on my update newsletter to send out tomorrow. I loaded a few pictures on here for you to view and tonight I hope to write an update post on what we did and what is coming next. These pictures are not in any order. Some are of the devastation, some of the clinics, and other just random pictures.