Here We Are

I wanted to keep my friends and family up on where we are with our adoption, Steven leaving, and my plans to remain sane. I feel like this next six months is really going to be a true test of what I am made of and I hope to myself if to no one else, I can prove that I am not as weak and frail as I have felt this last week.

We are cruising right along in the waiting phase of our adoption. All the paper work is in, we are still lacking a few funds (a couple thousand few) and are waiting for hopefully an approval on a matching grant. We had an amazing fundraiser just before Valentine's day where we were blessed with about $6,000. We were just so amazed and loved on by our friends. We recently had a Chik-fil-A spirit night which was fun. I would really have liked to had more people come by, but I was super happy for the ones that I saw and we brought in about $900 of business that night. Now it is just up in the air as to what happens next. I am not planning on doing any fundraisers, except maybe another online fundraiser while Steven is gone, but we are open to getting into a contract during that time with either adoption agency that we are connected with. In the meantime we are getting our crib ready (thanks to my sister in law) and finishing a few much needed projects around the house and just waiting.

Steven's departure for Air Force basic training is sneaking up on us in a fast way. I can hardly believe that he will be gone is a little over a month. I am in kind of a project/panic mode. I have several plans lined up as far as childcare for Shiloh, but the more I read about children's transition while dad's are "deployed" the more I just feel like I need to have plan A-Z ready. I am torn whether I should go back to days for a little while to make sure that she does well with it all, but I am not sure that is an option right now at work. Insurance is a factor since I carry it through my work, and just money and bills. So there is so much rolling around in my head, not to mention things like what am I going to do about taking call from work. It is mandatory and if I get called in the middle of the night who will watch over Shiloh? It is a lot to think of . I have been slowly hacking away at it for a while, but now it is in my face. Any suggestions, prayers, or offers of help are more than appreciated. I know that we are going to get through it because hundreds of families do this and so much more and have for over 50 years. It is just new to me.

It is all part of the circle of life right? I feel like I should be standing on a huge rock overlooking a vast plain with the sun setting and Elton John singing in the background. But that isn't exactly the view from my kitchen window. All in all I think that this will be the beginning of something new and hopefully rewarding to our family, but no one said that plowing a field is easy.

Transition Sunny Side Up Please!

Have you ever heard the cliche`that "every season has a reason", and "when winter has passed then spring blooms a new rose"? I have to admit that when it comes to life and transition in general I tend to be a glass is half empty type of person. I like to think of myself as a happy person, but I would be lying if I always saw the sunny side of situations. This could have been a learned habit that my profession has instilled in me. Being a nurse in surgery means that you are usually seeing people in their worst moments and the outcomes are not always what you expected. Before that I worked in a pediatric psychiatric facility, and boy oh boy I saw some doozies. The things that people do to children makes me an advocate for government forced sterilization sometimes. ( Of course that is not right, but for real!) Theses atmospheres tends to layer you with a hard shell and can dull your optimism over the years. I also think that life and some of it's difficulty can set you up to look at your glass and hope that there is a faucet close, or you will die of thirst. For me I think that it is a combination of both. However I am determined that even if the glass is half empty, that I will expect for it to be replenished or that I will have the grace to fast. I refuse to allow my heart to slip down the slope of bitterness which can lead to heart ache and ultimately physical illness.

In the Cooper house we are in a season of transition!! I feel more positive as we enter into 2012 as a season of moving forwards, even though it looks a little strange.Steven and I are preparing to be parents to an infant (or two) and that is exciting. However we are also preparing to be separated for 6 months, and that isn't so exciting.  With a new baby on the horizon we are preparing our home in many ways. We are transitioning Shiloh into a new room and making her old room into a nursery again. This requires me to go through a lot of stored stuff and clean it out. This is hard for me since I inherited a little bit of what I like to call a spirit of remembering. Steven on the other hand likes to call it being a pack rat.:-) I try to keep it under control, there are still boxes of old pictures and crafting supplies. I am not sure what to do with all these photos and as much as I would love to be crafty, there are just not enough hours in my days. So my job is to transition from "remembering" to having more space for more little ones. I am determined though and after all what is more important stuff that reminds me of the past or things for the little one that is the future for our little family?

Shiloh is going to transition from being an only child to a full blown big sister. I know that she is going to be amazing, but it may not be so pretty in the beginning. I have been praying for her little heart to fully accept her new sibling and  we are teaching her to pray now for our baby. It is really precious to hear her pray for our baby and to see that she is starting to understand this process and also a little bit that she also was adopted. We have started talking about tummy mommies and how she came to be in our family. It is funny talking to a three year old about  such deep things. A conversation will go something like this: Me: Shiloh you were adopted too. We prayed and prayed and God brought you to us. Shiloh: Why, Me: Because God loves you so much that He wanted you to live and have a family that would teach you about His son Jesus. Shiloh: Oh..., mommy can I have some frozen mango. I am hungry. Me: Ok, sure. It is kind of nice though, I get time to practice my answers for when we really do sit down and have a deep discussion.

I also feel like my heart is going through another season of transitioning from old patterns and thoughts  and digging in again. Everything that we go through teaches us and really just makes us revisit our own inability and our real need for God's mercy and His guidance in our lives. I get so busy in the stuff of life sometimes that I can go long periods of time where I do drive by prayers and little to no deep reading of the word. I hate that I do it, but there it is. I confess to you all that I am not the scholar that I would wish. But I feel that is why God brings transition and refocuses me so that the important things come to the forefront and He in His kindness leads my heart to repentance and calls me back to the thing that brings life to my soul. Him. I cannot tell you how much I feel him when I sit for just a second in the prayer room, or when we are listening to the teaching on Sunday. When you work in a secular field day in and day out, hearing the "f"bomb every other sentence and constant negative attitudes, it is such a breath of fresh air to come into the prayer room and just get hit in the chest with Holy Spirit and God's love over me. Even in the weakest moments or when I am so far away, His love is so strong. So let the winds blow and Lord be in my garden with me through all of this, for You are the only one who makes all things beautiful.

Ecclesiastes 3

 ¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 ²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 ³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 ⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 ⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 ⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 ⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

 ⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

 ⁹What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

 ¹⁰I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

 ¹¹He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

 ¹²I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

 ¹³And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

 ¹⁴I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.

 ¹⁵That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

Our Process Up To Now

I wanted to share a little of where we are in our adoption process. We started our adoption process in November by getting ready to update our home study. For those unfamiliar with the process this is where you gather everything that tells a story about your family (finances, background checks, reference letters, case worker visits, physicals, etc..) and have a case worker go over the information and put it into a document called  a Home Study. This document is required by every state if you are wanting to adopt. It is a state stamp of approval. By December we were filling out agency paper work and moving forward with that. We got our home study back at the first of January, and had a family profile made. A profile is a book that tells about your family in pictures and short narratives, that agencies show to birth mothers. (In private adoption the birth mothers pick the families) Once we had all our paper work in we started thinking about funds. We had been saving for the last couple of years, but we didn't save as much as we would have liked. We had a fundraising dinner on Feb. 12th that was a great night. We had a sit down dinner and a silent auction that was serenaded by the talented music of Rachel and Wallace Faagutu. The silent auction was a huge hit and the whole night blessed us tremendously in support and financial gifts that was over $6000.

Adoption is such a wonderful thing, but it isn't easy. You are petitioning the government of men and the Government of Heaven to be a part of  the redemption of a life. The very life that Satan wants to destroy and snuff out, you are stepping in to rescue. It truly is amazing how one minute you are apart and then next you are together. One minute you are strangers, and the next you are family. God is truly amazing!!! However, it is no easy thing to start this ordeal, and once you finish one step there are five more to go.
As this is our second go around, I feel a little more settled with the process, but it is still invasive and all around not my idea of fun. I am not a good secretary so the paper work is a challenge, and I didn't miss my calling of being a professional fundraiser. Though the means to the end are not the fun part, the goal and prize are well worth the effort. I remember our adoption process with Shiloh and I almost cringe. I was a nervous wreck and I am pretty sure that I just about wore my wonderful adoption consultant and my friends out. However, the moment that the nurse put Shiloh in my arms, I felt as though I would have climbed to the stars and to the farthest galaxy if needed to be in that moment. It was all worth it! The long nights of stressing out, the phone calls, the fundraising, the waiting....it all culminated to the most exciting and wonderful moment of my life. One minute I am just sitting in a hospital room, and the next thing I was holding a beautiful baby girl and I was a mom. I mean, come on!!!! She reached her little arm out of the blankets at us and I just melted into a pool of mush.Steven was crying, I was crying, the nurses were crying...it was a sight. Nothing had prepared me for the rush of emotions or the instant transformation of woman into mother that happens when you hold your baby for the first time.

There are also other emotions that the adoption process brings for me that are less glorifying. Steven and I are not like a lot of couples around us that are adopting, in that many of our friends and aquatints that have adopted have done so after having biological children. They have maybe 2 or 6 and yet they felt that there was still room in the inn. For us, the process is not an option, it is the only option. We would adopt even if we could conceive, but right now adoption is our conception. It is hard sometimes because the whole process shines a light on our inability to conceive, and our longing for healing and restoration. It is paralyzing sometimes when I start to dwell on the why's of it all. My chest gets tight and I just want to cry. I hope that this isn't hard for you to read, but in truth it is even hard for me to write without tears. It is what it is though.
The paper work and preparations are the pregnancy, and though my belly isn't growing, the longing and love in our hearts is almost busting at the seams. From the first pen stroke on the first form I fill out, I am thinking of our little one. I am not just filling out a form, I am advocating for my child. I am not just trying to keep it all in order, I am gathering the resources to bring my child home. It is very personal to me. Every piece of paper represents a step closer to seeing and holding my little one. Who will this baby be? Where will the baby come from? What will we have to do to finally bring this one home? Will my baby be safe? Oh Lord, please help the birth mother make good choices for my baby.... Please Lord, protect my little one from harm, or anything that Satan would try to do to destroy it's life. Every mother prays similar prayers, mine are not that different.
( Don't get me wrong, Shiloh is my child through and through. I am not trying to minimize who she is or how I feel about her as my daughter. Steven and I have often talked about how we almost forget that we didn't conceive and give birth to her. God has knit our hearts together.)
There is an ache in my heart and my body that I would be lying if I denied. We were created to carry life within our bodies. When that doesn't happen there is almost a vacuum left. I cannot speak for every woman in this same state, but for me I deal with it the best I know how. It isn't always pretty and some days are better than others.most days I am fine and welcome life with happiness and joy. But there are other days that this burden weighs heavy on my heart. I may not always be able to attend baby showers, or even be excited when I hear of another friend that is expecting. I will try my best not to show it, or to wear heavy emotions on my sleeves, but I will not always be the best at hiding my ache. I have tried in the last 15 years to keep my heart above bitterness, or even complacent whining. I have studied out the woman of the Bible who have walked this road and held on to the promises of God. It is possible to be truly happy, yet contend for more. I hope for the day that our love will explode into a life growing inside of my womb. I would love to be able to rest my hand on my belly to touch and feel the life with in.But for now,  I will touch my heart and hold on to the prayer that all is well where ever my little one is. I will rejoice in the opportunity for God to use me in a different way. To complete a dream in His heart, to fill a longing in mine. He is a master architect and I am merely a brick layer.
I long for Holy Spirit to reach into that womb and comfort my little one, to touch the birth mothers heart and softly hold her. There are so many emotions that rage on the inside, but I also have a promise that whether I silently pray it or shouted from the roof, I will  believe and hold on to until it is fulfilled.
May 2008- God gave me this scripture over my body. Whatever it looks like, however it comes, it is well with my soul!


 Isaiah 51:3." For the Lord will comfort Zion,
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden,
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody."

Where, When, Why

I am attempting once again to be a blogger, or at least a once or twice a week blogger. I love the opportunity to journal, vent, or advertise my opinion or even the latest and greatest in our lives, but find the task of actually getting to the computer and typing to be a bit ....well lacking. So here I am again for better or for worse and I appriciate your support and interaction in this process.

So here is the Where-
I feel that in the last two years we have been on a journey over and under tall mountains that I am confident lead to a wide open valley. Here is a drive by review of "where" we have been. Starting in 2010 when Steven left full time ministry to pursue law enforcement. What a transition, from playing hours a day in the house of prayer and traveling with Onething Ministry, to going through the police academy and nearly puking after the physical training sessions. During that time I was also working two jobs at differing jobs and learning to be a working mother and wife. Now that was no easy feet and I am still not positive that I would give myself any higher than a "B-" on that score. That year was a year of not only discovering a new path, but trying to figure our identity out. I feel that we had so much of who we thought we were wrapped up neatly in a package and leaving that behind was a little like shell shock. Things were re-awakening in our hearts though, things that have lead us down some interesting paths.

2011 I had hoped would be a pick me up year, but it ended up being a hand me all your time & money year. Anything that could break did and anything that could have been easy turned out to be like pulling a pipe out of a muddy ditch. (That is hard in case you don't know). My grandmother died which was very hard, and I felt like my dreams and my tenacity was dying inside a little too. Long term struggles tend to have ebs and flows that can suck you into the drain if you know what I mean. A new struggle appeared for me in the form of a scary thyroid nodule. It was detected by a friend who was " practicing " her assessment skills. I had it looked at by my doctor and the wheels were in motion. I ended up needing ultrasounds and a painful biopsy to prove that I didn't have cancer. It was nerve racking and expensive to say the least. Another learning experience. :-) I am happy to report that as of two months ago I am alright in the thyroid department, but they are monitoring me for any changes. (Prayer is always appriciated)

Towards the end of 2010 and the begining of 2011 Steven started to revisit the idea of going into the military. His job hunt in the law enforcement arena wasn't going well and in a troubled economy it wasn't looking like a win win situation. As our hearts are to expand our family he knew that there needed to be some provision and break through. The military idea or the police idea wasn't a new one for us. I remember in 2007 talking with him about it, but I wasn't ready then and was very comfortable in our IHOP life. But times were different and my understanding of how things worked was different. We had several friends in the military and watched their families deal with all that is involved in that. Steven's desire was a pure one and could provide our family with many benefits. So he started pursuing the Army first, then ended up enlisting in the Air Force reserves. That process wasn't easy and like (it seems for us anyways) all things that we try to do there were plenty of walls to throw ourselves over. Steven perservered and will be leaving in May for basic training in San Antonio.


In the realm of parenting we were lucky, Shiloh has always been cute, smart, and not very destructive. The "2's" left us thinking that we had this thing in the bag and then age 3 hit. I woke up one morning wondering if aliens had taken our sweet obedient child and replaced her with a roving, crazy girl. No matter how bad people tell you that the "2's" will be, nothing is like a talking, negotiating three year old. All reason goes out the window and what prospects of common sense that your child was showing at two, they have been replaced with impulsive behaviors that are likely to drive you mad. But it is all fun and worth every minute in my book. What a challange and learning experience parenting is. I am blessed for sure!!!!!!

Through these two years of trial by fire we have learned so much about each other, ourselves, and us as a family unit. We have really taken an eager interest in health and nutrition (Steven is a huge champoin for that in our home) and also in wanting to expand our family. I have always wanted a big family and Steven came from a family or 4 boys. We talked about comprimising with three kids when we were first married, but as time has proved thus far, we are not in control of that area. So what does any family do when they want more kids...... well we can practice till the cows come home but if we want more kids we fill out lots of paper work. That is right..... We Are Adopting Again!!

Take a breath...Ok moving on!

So here is the "When"-
Nov. 2011---We started filling out paper work

December 2011 ----We turned in an application for Hannah's Dream Adoption Agency

Jan. 2012---We got our updated home study for our second adoption!

Feb. 2012 ---We had our first Adoption Fundraiser and were overwhelmed by the love and support of our friends!! THANK YOU!

March 2012 ---I am doing some other fundraising things for our adoption, and we are also going to submit with the agency that we adopted Shiloh through.

* March 7th Steven's oldest brother and his wife will finalize the adoption of two beautiful foster children and we are going to party like it is 1999. Just kidding, but our family is going to celebrate their gotcha day like we have done for Shiloh and for Colton their other adopted son.

April 2012 --- This will be the month of celebration and preparation. If we are not placed by the third week in April with a little one, we will have to wait till Steven returns from basic training. I would love to have our new little one before he leaves, but going to recieve the baby while he is away would be mad.

*April 14th I will turn 32 years old. HOLY COW!! I still can't believe that I am that old and that my mom is that old. ;-) JK mom!

*April 22nd --This is a bitter sweet day for my heart. This is my brother's birthday, but it just reminds me of how long it has been since I have seen or will see him.

May 2012-- I think on the first of May it will all start to set in. The reality of Steven leaving will hit and I might have a little bit of a nervous break down. Just a little one. But I know that we will be OK, and that he will be home soon...


So what is the "Why"--

Why adopt again? Oh the list is too long, here is the short stack of it. Because if not than our hearts ache would just dig a whole deep in our souls that will haunt us forever. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is true. Because God loves to match up little ones with no one, and to match up big ones with small ones, to make whole ones. And also because we want to. :-)

Why the military? Many reasons and factors lead to this decision. One being a job and training that will lead to more opportunities. Another reason is health insurance and retirement benefits. Another is a challange and constant improvement for Steven's physical and mental person, which is important for a man.

Why stay in KC? We have been in Kansas City for almost 9 years now. Although we miss Arkansas and truly miss living in the country we feel that our home is here. It is hard being away from our family, but our friends here have become a second family. Our church is a huge part of our life, and just being in a city that offers so many diverse opportunities is exciting for us. Now that Steven is joining the MO. Air Force Reserves we have another reason to stay.

I have asked God so many Why's that I feel on the day of judgment he may just shew me to the side and tell me " I will deal with you in a minute".

Why am I here instead of where I want to be? Why the health issues? Why..Why...
Ultimatly I feel that most of the answers to the Why's are found in the "where" and the "when".
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6
God is truly working in our hearts and lives. I know that He is in love with us and constantly moving us closer to the full dependance on Him. He is teaching us leaning and challanging us to love beyond our life and circumstances. He is teaching us to go after the things that we believe in and then trust that He knows when and if we will arrive at them. He is healing us mind, body, and soul. He is trying to unite our hearts with unbreakable passion and cords of faith, love, and hope. He is showing us what family is and though ours may not be what we had dreamed, it can be more that we ever imagined. He is testing our faith and causing us to see that He is our provider, protector, and defender.

So there is my first of many updates. It was a little jumbled and random, but I feel that you are sorta caught up now. I have several topics that I want to write about, but that is for another day!

Time Has Flown

I am making no promises to write every day. I will write today and we will take it one day at a time. I am finding that I don't really have a consistency when if comes to writing and communication. So here we are. Time has flown and I find myself running after what feels like fleeting moments of glorious wonder. I wish that I could erase all the bad memories and just embrace the good. However life is like a box of chocolate and you just don't know what you are going to get one day from the next. This is the saga of my life. I love listening to people who have their lives mapped out for their 5, 10, 15 year plans. They know where they are going to be, and what they are going to be doing. It is inspiring and instills a sort of hope. Then there are people like me, or what has been for the last few years anyways. Dreams and plans that ....well they are still in the "vision" state. Some people are dreamers and live out their dreams. Some people are dreamers and live out the present. So here I am in the present. I still hope for my dreams and am inspired by others, but here we are in the present none the less.

Shiloh is fabulous as always. The joy in my day and the love of my life. I cannot even imagine what my life would be like without her. I could cry right now just thinking of what a misery it would be to live without her by my side. Now all mother's know that life with a toddler of three is no walk in the park everyday, but it is an adventure that I will never regret. There are moments of regret that I am to strict, too emotional, not home enough, nor rich enough to give her everything....but there is plenty of love in my heart! At three I feel that Shiloh could sit down with just about anyone and have a conversation. She frequently stops people in the stores to ask them their names and what they are doing. She can find her letters, shapes, and numbers in just about any setting, and she is very creative. Of course I think that my child is amazing and I doubt anyone would fault me for it.

Steven is still pursuing school and a job in law enforcement. He will be taking a class this fall towards finishing his associated degree. He has had some fun opportunities to go kayaking and camping this summer and we will be going again in a couple of weeks for our annual trip.

I am still working in surgery at St. Joe's and currently working on the 3pm-11pm shift. It is a great shift as I have lots of time to study my school work for my RN degree and it also lessens our babysitting bill. I love spending time with Shiloh during the day and then going to work at night. For me it is a great shift. Currently I am working on a pretty big landscaping project in our back yard that is both overwhelming and exciting. Other things in the works for me are preschool at home for Shiloh. My friend Amanda and I are going to do some stuff to help each other out and I think that it will be fun for Shiloh. She loves learning and I like to see her excel. I am tying to get into shape, but since having switched to 3-11 shift I find myself lacking in the "want to workout" department. I feel confident that it will return though.

So that is where we are. Not far from where we left off before. Like I said... there are people living their dreams and then there are people living in the present. So here I am...trying to live in the present like it was my all time favorite dream.

So much fun!

Last weekend we went camping in Mountain View, MO with Shiloh and a few friends. The weather was perfect and the company was fabulous. Mountain View is about 4 1/2 hrs from KC so when you are going that far it takes a while to pack everything up. We were taking the camper so that made it a little easier to pack and prepare. I started packing on Monday night just so I wouldn't forget anything. There is a walmart in Mountain View, but that is no fun when you are supposed to be roughing it. We got everthing loaded up on Wed night and Steven left on Thurs morning to get the spot and set it up. I went to work Thurs and was able to get someone to cover my shift for Friday so that I would be able to leave earlier. It just so happened that one of our friends that was also going camping was taking his motor home. He said that if Shiloh and I could leaver early than we could ride with him. SWEET!

So you know by now if you have read my blog at all that I always have lots of little mishaps when I try to go ro do anything. It is God's little way of humbleing me and keeping my speech pure. So this trip was no different. Thurs night when I got home with Shiloh I got a letter in the mail that was terrible news. It hit me so hard I wasn't able to concentrate or do anything but cry and go to bed early. The next morning I woke up a little earlier to get the final things ready and packed to ride with our friends. Shiloh was not her happy self so that was drama enough. Got her fed and dressed and then needed to conccetrate on packing. Yeah good luck. Shiloh didn't really want to watch TV so she followed me around pulling out everthing that I was packing up. Nice.. So I finally got some bags packed and ready to go when I realied that it had been quite for about 5 mins. OMG>>>> where is Shiloh. I just knew that quite meant trouble. I found Shiloh on my bed with my little jar of Vasoline. Yeah, it was everywhere. So now by this time I have about 30 min to get to the house of my friend. I called one of the guys and asked if he could come and get me so that we would have a car in our driveway. He said no, but that they would wait for me to get there. I went to IHOP and found my friend Jonas loading into his truck and basically begged him to take me to Grandview to meet up with the motor home. He did and off we went. We pulled in and I realized that this motor home was HUGE. I was so happy. This meant that Shiloh could play and not be confined to a chair for 4 1/2 hrs. It was awesome! I got all my stuff loaded and in a matter of minutes we were off.

This motor home was loaded. It had recliners, a couch, a dinette set, a bathroom, and a bedroom. Not to mention a fully loaded kitchen with refrig. It was awesome, much more "accommodating" than our cute little camper. Shiloh was in heaven as she scoped the place out, laughing all the way. We stopped about 30 min.into our drive for some food. I got into my purse and realized that I had left my wallet at home. "Are you freaking kidding me", I exclaimed. I was so mad and just done at this point. The morning had been me running around and I was exhausted. My friend loaned me some money and I felt like an irresponsible teenager. Who forgets their wallet when they are going 4 1/2 hrs away with a toddler? Needless to say I was really ready for Shiloh to take a nap. In order not to annoy our friends, Shiloh and I shut ourselves into the bedroom and made it our little playroom. She finally laid down and we took about a two hr nap. When we woke up we were 60 miles from our camp site. That was by far the best way to travel with a toddler in my book. I am currently taking applications for someone with a nice motor home to be my personal driver for all my trips. "-)

Camping was lovely due to many factors. 1) I love the outdoors and the smell of fresh air. 2) our friends are amazing! 3) I love our little camper and am excited to start making family memories with it. 4) I needed a break from reality. Our lives are a little stressful lately and being away from it all was just what I needed! Our campsite was about 100 yrds from the river that had clear water that you can see the bottom in. The trees provided shade and I love the sound of the leaves when the wind blows.

Anna and I hit the water on Saturday morning and it was a little chilly at first. But after swimming in the spring the feeds the river (it is about 40 degrees) the river felt like a nice warm bath. We took Shiloh in the river with us and she loved just floating. We would let her flow with the river for a little ways and she was just laying on her stomach very still letting the current take her. The river flows like a lazy river where we camp so she was very safe. I didn't let her flow down the rapids of anything. Then Anna and I along with Steven our guide :-) climbed a huge rock and jumped off. It was awesome although I fell at one point and bumped my knee. When took a break and ate some lunch and all laid down in our tents and took a nap. Steven had set up an extra tent so I laid down in it since Shiloh was in the camper taking a nap. During the day we set up the pack -n- play for Shiloh so that she wouldn't just play in the camper.

When I went to go get Shiloh from her nap I heard her awake and I felt in my stomach that she was up to something. Sure enough, when I opened the door there is my child covered in gel candle wax. She had been able to reach this smell good candle that we had on the counter and it was everywhere. All over the walls, the playpen, the floor, and all over Shiloh. As funny as it looked I was a mess because I wasn't sure if it was poisonous or not. I looked in her mouth but couldn't tell if she had eaten any. I freaked to say the least and loaded her and my friend into the truck and started driving towards town to get cell phone service. I was trying to call poison control and couldn't get through. Meanwhile Shiloh is just sitting there so quiet and I wasn't sure whether it was because she was reacting to poison or to her freaking out mother. Since I couldn't get through to poison control I called 911 and asked them to patch me through. Then stayed on the line till they heard poison control tell me that it would be alright. The candle according to there database was made of mostly mineral oil, which when ingested acts like a laxative. Yup...we found that to be true later that night. I was so relieved, I thought I would just vomit from the over production of adrenaline. Man what a mess.

So we got back to our campsite and Steven was preparing for our canoe trip. (Side note..he was worried, but once he saw us coming back he knew it was alright.) So off we went to float with our friends and a 2 yr old. Brave I know. Shiloh loves to get into the boat and we want her to love doing all the things that we enjoy outside. So we got all the boats in the water and set out for what we thought was a 2 hr float. It was something out of the funny papers for sure. I would need a whole post just to go over all that occurred, but here is a little run down.

* Shiloh talked and whined a little, non- stop the whole 2 hrs.

* Shiloh wanted lean over the side of the boat and play in the water. I just sat a little more to the opposite side of the boat to level it out and let her do it. Why not?

* Steven got frustrated. You who know him can imagine

* We had 5 adults plus Shiloh in one canoe and it was funny. That makes it a little difficult to steer and paddle. But all in all it was super fun!

* One tump in a kayak and we had to back track to help find a paddle after that tump.

* Thought we were lost and wouldn't make it back by dark only to turn the next corner and be at our camp site.

** It was so fun!!!

So we ate dinner that night and all slept after our adventure. All in all it was such a fun time and the start of what I hope will be a wonderful family tradition. The camper was a life saver in that we just climbed in and there was our nice comfy bed and when we get it all ready our bathroom and shower will be working. It is so nice! That is the basics of our little family camping trip. I am so tired now, so I am going off to sleepy land.

Blessings

Remebering 9/11

This day brings so many emotions for our nation, for families, for loved ones who are alone today. On this day not so long ago a tragedy of horrendous proportions occurred and we will never be the same.You can ask just about anyone where they were on Sept. 11th 2001, and most people will know exactly where they were when the towers in New York were struck. For me I was in my nursing class, just settling in for a lecture when our clinical instructor ran in and turned on the TV. We were struck with awe and then watching the second plane hit, we were struck with fear. I honor the men and women of our country that have and are fighting for freedom. There are no words that are eloquent enough to thank our soldiers for their service and sacrifices for our country, but thank you from the depths of our hearts.

With all that goes on with memorial services for the fallen, dedications, and celebrations on this day, I am drawn to a different set of memories altogether. For me 9/11 has a story of redemption that has wiped away many tears and brought unsurpassed joy. On September 11th 2008, at 10:52 am in a small town, in an even smaller hospital my daughter was born.

On that day, 6 lbs 10 oz of glorious perfection ,wrapped in a white blanket with a little blue stripe running it's length was placed in my arms. With tears streaming down our faces we embraced our hearts long cry and caressed her new, soft skin. It was a moment that I will not forget for all of my days. I felt like I could float, yet it was difficult to breath. It seemed that time just stood still for us in that moment, looking into each others eyes with tears and laughter. The days, weeks, and months that followed were sweet as we grew together into a family. Love brought us all together and love binds us forever.

We had a birthday party last weekend for Shiloh with two of her other friends that also turned two. Man that was a lot of kids and a lot of stain stick. :-) They were so cute just running around playing together. So carefree, so confident, and so oblivious to the fact that it was their 2nd birthday. We had lots of yummy food and some sweet cupcakes for the kids. Shiloh was quite fond of the icing on the cupcake and would swipe the icing off of any unattended cupcakes that she found. Toys were plentiful and very generous. I think that my daughter owns everything Dora and more dress up pretty things that we know what to do with. She was so happy with opening her presents yet just a little dumb founded I think at why she was getting so many. After opening them up she quickly returned to the play set that had occupied her for most of the night. It was so fun to watch her roam about enjoying her freedom and the expanse of outdoor toys. (We all brought out door play things and set them around the yard) After the party, while the adults were cleaning up, the girls were plopped on the couch to sugar down while watching a movie. They looked like they were stoned as the sugar started to wear off. It was pretty funny. It was a great party and I was so thankful to share it with my friends and family.

The Detox

Today as I woke my little toddler, rather she woke me and I finally got up to go see her playing in her crib. I opened the door and there I was met with a beaming smile that I will never grow tired of. I said "good morning baby, it's your birthday". She said " Hi mommy" and started jumping up and down. She is such a happy and endearing baby. We sang Twinkle Twinkle and then I sang Happy Birthday to her. I told her that she was "2" and held up my fingers to match. She held up her hand, not able to separate her fingers. She grab two of her fingers and with a loud happy squeal said "TWOOOOOOO". We had pancakes for breakfast and a "Nummy, Nummy". After a fun morning with her friend Olivia she was ready for a nap. After waking in a very happy mood we watched a Dora movie that grandma gave her and then we headed to the park.

She is such a big girl on the playground going all over it without hesitation and down the slides every which way. There was a small little bridge that we went over several times as she proclaimed that it was a "Tro Bridge" (Troll Bridge is off of Dora). Then we ran some errand and made it back home for some yummy dinner and a bath. Now snug in her bed, drifting off to sleep I find myself wishing that I could rewind this day and replay if over and over.

My little baby is growing up so fast and I wish that I could push the pause button for just a moment. I love watching her discover new things, learn new words, and explore new surroundings, but I miss holding my little tiny baby. Singing her softly to sleep and then lingering in the rocking chair praying over her. She isn't tiny anymore and now she just wants to get down from my embrace and go go go. I love her so much, sometimes I think that I would burst. I am so thankful to God for making a way when there seemed to be no way. For calling people to give to us in our adoption process. For keeping Shiloh healthy and safe till she was in my arms. And for keeping her safe and growing her in my home. I am so thankful for so many things as I look at my sleeping angel. Thank you Jesus, thank you!

My little beauty.

It's Been A Long Time

To all my blog readers, I am truly sorry for ignoring you all this time. Life as it is, leaves me little time to sit and blog, but I am trying to mend my ways. My computer is old and slow so loading pictures can be an all day event, much less videos. However I figured if I start early in the morning I should be able to finish a post before I go to work in the afternoon. :-) I know that everyone is anxious to hear about Shiloh and also what Steven and I are doing. Shiloh is growing up so fast and as you will see in the next few post, she isn't a baby anymore. She is so smart and very funny. She is turning into a little love muffin with her spontaneous expressions of love and her vocabulary grows by tens everyday.
I will wet your appetite with some pictures and videos then post about each person individually. This week will culminate with a very special event, it is Shiloh's 2nd birthday!!!! Here are some recent pics and a couple of videos for your viewing pleasure!

We are big time playground people! Shiloh has no fear. She goes for the tallest slide and loves to swing on her belly.


Yummy yummy watermelon!

Grandma gave her this pool and it was a hit!

I love this facial expression.

This video took place at a friends house. Our dear friends the Farrows came into town so we spent a day at another friends pool. Shiloh loves going to the pool and loves daddy's boat!